A story entitled: THE THING THAT HELL REJECTED

[KilTehEmos911]

All day yesterday, our neighbors had a cat hanging out with them. I figured it was the neighbors cat and dismissed it. Today, the same cat was in the entryway to my house, waiting there outside where it was slightly warmer than outside. We decided to kindly give our neighbors their cat back, only to find that the cat was actually not theirs, it had just been hanging around. I did a quick door to door down the street to see if anyone had known the cat. No one did, but (and what are the odds of this?) one person said that their cat had died just 2 days before, and was willing to part with what remained of their cat food. So we fed the little abomination. We started looking for him/her/it/thing's home, and failed to find them, until one person knocked saying a friend of their had lost a cat and heard I had one. I took a look outside, and didn't see the cat. I told them to hang out a bit and wait, since cats are inherently stupid and always come back to places where they had been given food. Sure enough, an hour later we found the little sucker in our neighbors tree being barked at by a dog. Just like in the movies. We chased off the dog and got the sucker out of the tree (and the little retard scratched me good on his way down). The person then said that it was NOT the same cat her friend was looking for, and left. Later, I was looking outside and saw the cat in my driveway, under the car, being barked at by the neighbor's dog. I figured it would be a good chance to teach the little freak that I'm on its side and ran the dog off. The cat then came to me purring, and (since I'm an idiot) I let it sit in my lap and I per it for a while. After a few moments of that, it randomly got pissed, hissed, and scratched me (AGAIN) in the hand.

Note: I was still bleeding from the first time.

I went inside and washed my hands, since I didn't know where it came from (probably the portal to Hell that I suspect is in my closet) and it may not be very healthy. So now, here I am, typing on an explosm forum, my hands are still bleeding this very moment, and I'm wondering if I should get the little freak checked for rabies. Anyone know what I should do???

Edit: Serious answers people, I've already checked, and it IS illegal to shoot/run over/eat a live cat in Canada.

[Gudizere]

Ebay is there for a reason.

Or, if you prefer being kind, just take it down your nearest place that hold's cats, all RSPCA like.

[KilTehEmos911]

Hmm, an interesting question just occurred, can rabies spread through scratches? or is it only bites?

EDIT: Another interesting question just occurred. Who in their right mind would go to a forum for this instead of a doctor?

[Audioslave]

Edit: Serious answers people, I've already checked, and it IS illegal to shoot/run over/eat a live cat in Canada.

It sounds to me like it is illegal to shoot, run over or eat a live cat. You'd better do all three just to make sure.

[Chrona]

If it had rabies, you probably would have noticed it being violent. It just seemed scared. Nevertheless, get it examined just in case. You could put up "Found Kitten" flyers with a picture of it if you want, or give it to an animal home. If you actually WANT the cat, get it examined, put up flyers and if nobody responds, I guess you could try to get it registered

[KilTehEmos911]

Nope, I hate cats, and I already own 3 dogs. I'm trying to find the sucker a new home as I type this.

Also, good news, the bleeding just stopped.

[Beefynick]

What made you think, "hmm I am still bleeding but I am going to ask random strangers on the internet to solve my problem for me"?

Take it to a farm or the nearest animal shelter.

[Quadros]

You know if I got my ass kicked by a creature an eighth of my size the LAST thing I'd do is announce it to the world. You're a braver man than me, bro.

[Dodger]

I imagine it'd be okay to "accidently" run over the cat. And afterwards, you didn't say anything it was illegal to eat a dead cat. Problem solved.

[purple_cheese]

I like cats. Take it to a shelter or something. Or, I dunno, take it to the police station.

[Oofie]

You might want to use some disinfectant on that scratch too...

[Penis_Captivus]

You should throw it out in front of a car so they'll get in trouble instead of you.
Or give it to someone for Christmas.

[Cristo]

Maybe it has Cat AIDs. A lot of cats have that in Spain.

:indiff:

[hardcoresk8r69]

I say take it for a "ride" and release it about 5 miles away from your house in the middle of a neighborhood. If it can find its way back then help it find a home.

[KilTehEmos911]

You people are about 3/4 as sick as I should have expected you to be. SWEET! But I guess I'll just keep trying to find it a home. Its supposed to snow tonight where I live, and I only joke about being a twisted, heartless psychopath.

Update: And now the freaking thing sits outside my door, waiting for me to leave the house, so it can follow me everywhere I go. Ten points KTE, you are a moron.

And one last thing
Maybe it has Cat AIDs. A lot of cats have that in Spain.

:indiff:

I already mentioned that I'm in Canada, not Spain. Wait... HOW THE CRAP DOES A CAT GET AIDS? Even people in this forum are not sick enough to rape a cat. Well, most of us.

[green rubber bands]

You might want to use some disinfectant on that scratch too...


She's right, put some hydrogen peroxide on it, or it'll get infected.

[KilTehEmos911]

She's right, put some hydrogen peroxide on it, or it'll get infected.

yes, yes, I cleaned it right afterwards. I don't know where that thing has been, so I don't want its dirty germs eating me alive in my sleep.

EDIT: I used plenty of antibacterial soap on all the scratches and they don't hurt anymore, nor do they show any sign of infection.

Aside from being malnourished and pure evil, the cat form hell seems to be in perfect health. So no one needs to worry about explosm's favorite psychopath dying of some strange disease with 9 syllables in its name.

[Bosskid]

Don't kill it.

Never be too sure about anything. I'd take the scratch to the doctors. My friend got scratched on the stomach, and had to get some surgery because some dirt and bad germs had infected him, and had to amputate his outer skin because it was making a nasty big bubble. Anyway, hope the best turns out for you.

[abbey]

I told them to hang out a bit and wait, since cats are inherently stupid and always come back to places where they had been given food.
Because it's so ridiculously stupid to go back to where you've gotten food before. It's so dumb to go to a restaurant or grocery store twice. Any smart organism would never do that.

[alrightDARLING]

Nope, I hate cats, and I already own 3 dogs. I'm trying to find the sucker a new home as I type this.

Also, good news, the bleeding just stopped.

Since it's illegal to kill/eat it yourself, just let your dogs do the dirty work.

[KilTehEmos911]

That statement is mostly derived from the fact that I believe everything a cat does is driven by stupidity. Put simply, I own 3 dogs and no cats for a reason. I don't like cats.

(but you could probably tell that already, since I so affectionately call it "the thing from Hell" All the time)

EDIT: And, sorry Darling, but the cat is actually bigger than my dogs, they're all purebred mini-dachshunds, and I think if they started fighting it, it would scratch one of them, and all 3 would retreat.

Also EDIT: Dang I use a frak load of commas.

[s3b]

Seriously dude,

just drop that thing off in a neighborhood far away from yours. Problem solved.
I hate cats too

[SlowCheetah]

I thought of something good to do with it. Put a treat on the ground, the cat will go over and eat it. As it's eating the treat back up a bit and get a good running start at the cat, then see how far you can punt the sucker. That would definately solve your problem, I think the cat would get the point its not wanted. Plus you would get to punt a cat which is pretty sweet.

[KilTehEmos911]

Well, again, I'm a psycho rapist only in name. Its supposed to snow tonight and its a scrawny little thing. Sure it would be legal, but still not ethical or moral. It would inevitably die in the snow.

[SlowCheetah]

It would inevitably die in the snow.

Well then there you go, problem solved.

[KilTehEmos911]

Did any of you notice the "Not really a heartless monster" part? Surely someone must have?

[El Mojado]

Just do what s3b suggested, leave it in the middle of no where. I see no problem with it, and it seems ethical. Its either that, or putting a 9mm through its head.

[KilTehEmos911]

Or I could keep it alive, and ya know, not dead until I can find some moron willing to take care of it.

[John Travolta]

Somebody needs to teach that cat some manners. :mad:

[Crabstick]

I bet it's the same cat that died down the street a few days ago.

They have an empty void where their precious kitty used to be. You have a kitty excess of 1.

Doesn't seem too hard to work out.

[Bosskid]

I'm glad your good enough to not think about killing it. I don't want to sound like a hippy or anything, but you know, killing isn't good in any manner. I suggest to put it at PetsMart or something.

[El Mojado]

Or take it to the local pet shelter. At my town they would just put it down.

EDIT: But really don't leave it, nor kill it. Its just better if you just take care of it till winter is over.

[KilTehEmos911]

*Slaps El Mojado*

I think the idea here is to keep it alive and well. I think it would actually make a great house pet if someone had the money and sense to take it to the vet to be de-clawed.

[peteaboda1]

And one last thing

I already mentioned that I'm in Canada, not Spain. Wait... HOW THE CRAP DOES A CAT GET AIDS? Even people in this forum are not sick enough to rape a cat. Well, most of us.

Someone had sex with a monkey to get AIDs in the first place :indiff:. As for your situation, have you tried any of the reasonable options anybody has been suggesting? Make some fliers, offer it to the neighbors without a cat anymore, or just learn to like that cat.

[Mr. Crow]

Don't de-claw the cat or give it to someone who will de-claw it. De-clawing is cruel. The cat's appendages are cut off at the first knuckle, literally crippling the cat. The damage usually causes a multitude of psychological and physical problems, including increased aggression, which we can agree this cat does not need.

[Dodger]

Why the hell is this so hard to solve?

Wash and disinfect your scratches.
Do you want to keep the damn thing? Then keep it.
Do you not want to keep it? Then ignore it and stop feeding it, it wouldn't hurt to kick it a few good times either.
That's all. Thread over.

[Cocktapus]

They sell caps for claws though, they are kind of lame but they work.
Either keep it or take it to a shelter.
Cats are the shit.

[Dr. Gentlemen]

You should have sex with the cat, that way you can find out if it has AIDS. After that you could give it to an animal shelter like what over half people said here...

[KilTehEmos911]

I didn't say they were bad ideas. Just because someone has made a good point does not mean the thread is going to close itself. And I'm not a mod so I can't close it. Hmmmm...

[Tweek]

I'm pretty sure if you start a thread you can close it.
No wait, I'm very sure.

[Cristo]

I already mentioned that I'm in Canada, not Spain. Wait... HOW THE CRAP DOES A CAT GET AIDS? Even people in this forum are not sick enough to rape a cat. Well, most of us.

I know, the point I was making was that if the Cats can have Cat AIDS in Spain, they might have it in Canada as well. I wasn't particularly clear.
Also; I was just trying to get you nervous, Cat AIDs is a particular strain of AIDs that only cats can get and can only give to other cats.

[OmgItsAlex]

just stop feeding the little thing. and eventually it will go away.

[Pieman]

just stop feeding the little thing. and eventually it will pass away.


Fixed!

You could convince people its a good kitty, sell it and make a profit.

[Souldrinker]

You could put up "Found Kitten" flyers with a picture of it if you want,

Better yet, fuck the picture. Just write FOUND KITTEN on some paper and staple that directly above where you staple the cat to the telegraph pole. People will have a much better chance of recognising the cat by looking at the cat itself rather than a picture of it.

[lollercaust]

Better yet, fuck the picture. Just write FOUND KITTEN on some paper and staple that directly above where you staple the cat to the telegraph pole. People will have a much better chance of recognising the cat by looking at the cat itself rather than a picture of it.

This gave me perhaps one of the best images I've thought of all day. Thank you, sir.