halfdemon4life
08-21-2007, 2:08 PM
I like monkeys.The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought thatodd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not tolook a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were reallybright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their newenvironment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch athigh speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, thespectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damncheap monkeys.I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell realbad.I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunatelythere was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to changethem every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer soit didn't all go bad.I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use thebathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn'tallowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. Myfriends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they likethem but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them inthe genitals.
I like monkeys
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were reallybright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their newenvironment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch athigh speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, thespectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damncheap monkeys.I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell realbad.I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunatelythere was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to changethem every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer soit didn't all go bad.I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use thebathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn'tallowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. Myfriends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they likethem but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them inthe genitals.
I like monkeys