Two Worlds. (Demo)

[Assassin]

Normally I don't write reviews, but this was just necessary. I came here to warn you. SPOILER ALERT:

DO NOT BUY THIS GAME.

I downloaded the demo yesterday, and I was really excited. But then I did something stupid: I played it.
This game is a fucking piece of shit. The first thing that came up was the character customization. Shit. I understand that it is a demo, and can't do everything I want, but it fucking sucked.

I still had a little optimism and thought "oh well, it's probably beter when I play the game". Well it fucking wasn't. The first thing that came in my sight was a fucking ugly dude with shitty animation. I set my first step, and I my foot through the fucking ground. Things like this are not suposed to happen on a next-gen title. Then I started running. It was like, the shittiest faggot run I had ever seen. Seriously. It was like I was playing with some stupid fag instead of an awesome knight.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/de_nick/TwoworldSHIT3.png

I decided to go to the menu. It was shit. I couldn't read a fucking letter and it was like just a screen of chaos. We all know that Two Worlds wants to be a second coughripoffcough Oblivion, but then atleast do it good.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/de_nick/twoworldsshit.png

I decided to run further on, as I thought maybe the surroundings might look great, but it didn't. When I was gay running with my feet through the ground, all I encountered were wolves. Every fucking 10 metres there were a wolves. After fighting 2 of them I thought "Fuck this shit" and I ran away. Then suddenly, I encountered some bandits. I decided to fight them because maybe they had some cool stuff with them, so I fought. And I fought. And I still fought. And I fucking died.
You should know that I had put the game on easy, and I still got killed by bandits who wouldn't die in 10 sword strikes.

I respawned near some "village" (it were just some stupid wooden walls with some people and houses in), so I decided to visit it. There was standing some dude, so I decided to chat him up. Then came some of the stupidest shit ever. My dude was just standing there in front view, and I had a couple choises about what I could say, so I chose something. The dude said some shit and the screen turned back to me.
You should now that everytime I chose something, my gay was just standing there like a retard. No voice. No movement. I said the dude farewell and moved on into the "village".

I was getting pretty tired of the game, so I decided to go on a rampage. I went to some guy and slashed him with my sword. The guy lost no fucking health. All the villagers came to attack me and I fought back, but none of them lost health. Suddenly, a guard comes into the scene and attacks me. BAM I'm dead. I was a little confused by my sudden death, but thought it probably was because I lost health because of the villagers. I respawned near the village again and decided to give it another try. I ran to the village again and the guard came up to me. He lifts his sword and BAM I'm dead again. WHAT THE FUCK?? This guard just killed me with one blast from his sword. So basically, I can't hurt villagers or guards, but the guards can kill me in one strike. HOW WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO GO ON A KILLING SPREE AND HAVE FUN. Simple answer: not.
After this event I turned off this abomination of a game.

Conclusion: Two worlds is a fucking piece of shit and I should've seen it coming with it's shitty logo. Buy Oblivion.

http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/de_nick/TwoworldSHIT2.png

[Pyro]

Good job, it wasn't that great as a review, because it didn't really give that thural overview of the game as they usually do, but for someone who's thinking of buying this game it's perfect and it was great as something amusing to read.

Yes I just reviewed your review.

Edit:

I just played it out of curiosity.

It's even worse than I thought. At first I owned some goblins (after I searched through the menu how to fight) and I found out that if you have a problem, just blast it with fireballs.

After killing them I went after the loot. Good thing was that they actually dropped stuff that they used to attack me. And for some reason they had a blue robe in the case which gave me awesome cold resistance, which obviously didn't work because when I went to the water my character shuddered. Oh, and also, in this game you can COOK DIAMONDS. I'll just leave it at that.

Anyway, when I went to the village there was this bloke who I could talk to, the guard probably. The dialogue system does indeed suck, and for some reason the bloke thought I was a spy. So I moved on, I saw a house infront of me, you know, one of those generec houses which tend to have useful stuff in them. So I go to the door and open it, but with a single button push I had also picklocked the damn thing. In oblivion, it warned you if you wanted to do it, because there might have been someone watching. Well, it didn't even warn me, and suddenly the bloke I was talking to earlier came to me and asked if I would give him 100 gold, sadly I tried to bribe him with 10 gold and he killed me, with a single blow.

http://img158.imageshack.us/img158/2739/durrrrrgs6.png
"Durrrr"


Just like Assassin I respawned near the village, I thought everything was okay again as they had just killed me for picklocking a door, but they were still mad at me, the whole damn village. So I ran away, to a nearby lake, I saw a black bear who was evidently eating grass. So then I fireballed it's ass. It didn't even lose a single HP. I was thinking like why the hell would they put fireproof bears in the game.

Since the bear didn't seem very angry, I slowly walked away and tried the swimming system. The character swam like a fucking rubber duck. With every push he moved an inch. Even in the shallow water where he could have just stood up, he kept on swimming with his chest rubbing against the sand. When I finally got out of water again, I found out that four wolves had discovered my location while I was splashing away. They killed me, so I could respawn to the place where the angry villager was waiting me, who, when I respawned, killed me too.

I really wouldn't suggest buying the game, but I do suggest playing the demo, it sucks so much it's awesome, I was figuratively laughing all the time.

[Tyler_Legrand]

Were there any level indicators or did you have to guess how powerful enemies were?

I was figuratively laughing all the time.

:3

[Assassin]

Were there any level indicators or did you have to guess how powerful enemies were?
I'll play again this evening and tell you.

[Assassin]

Ok, I played again for 15 minutes and decided to do some other stuff.

After I started my new game, I went to the other direction then I had gone yesterday. This time I had to go through more woods then I did before, and I realised that I really wasn't exaggerating. There were fucking wolves and boares everywhere. Even better, is that they always attack in group, and there are groups in like every 10m². On top of that, it takes five firebolts (that do 30 pts damage, your own health is 100 pts) to kill one wolve. Now throw in some boars in there, another couple of wolves and this is what you get: death. The only option is to run, and keep runningg, because there are new ones everytime you escape them. I don't get it. This is a role playing game. How is anyone able to role play, when you can't even take a walk in the woods. Ugh.

While escaping from boars, bears and wolves, I saw a castle rising from beyond the mist, so I decided to check it out.
I entered some castle town with merchants and shit, and after some shitty conversations and exploring it, suddenly some dude in a hardxcore armor talks to me.
I had looked up some info of the game a couple months ago, and I remembered that the guy that spoke to me was the super-villain or some shit.
For the first time, my cross-eyed faggot responded and "moved" (ofcourse only because it was a cut scene), and an interesting phenomenon began to play on my tv screen.
The evil dude was saying some crazy shit about that they follow me and know everything about me and some other scary shit, and then my gay replied. The stupid shit was mocking the badass villain by saying some retarded stuff like "Oh you old man, you're just drunk, go take a nap, it'll do you good" or something like that.
Now I know one thing. If some guy in some wicked awesome badass looking armor comes to me and says all those crazy things, I don't fucking call him a foolish old man. I'd shit my pants and ask why they're following me and cry. The cool villain just replied with "You're not ready yet" and left me the fuck alone. That'll teach my dumb gay not to mock people in awesome armors.

I decided to check out Pyro's lake, and after I found it on the shittiest map ever, I baded through wolves and boars and found it. I decided to take a swim. I had been warned about the crappiness and slowness but this was just amazing. I think the speed at which I swom was about 1metre/hour (for all you Americans: that's fucking slow). I think I saw some drowning worms swimming past me, although that wouldn't be possible with it's shitty graphics.

After my refreshing "swim" I got back on land to explore a bit further, when suddenly something came into my sight. It was Pyro's fireproof bear. This was like, the shittiest bear ever created. It was like they imorted it straight from a PS1 game, that's how shitty it looked. I thought to my self "let's see if this bear is so fireproof" and I blasted a shitty fireball at the angular piece of shit. Nothing happened. I fired like 3 more of them but still nothing happened. So I fled.

I ran further away from the lake and approached a cave with a campfire in it. I thought to myself "cool let's so how I'd look on fire. I tried to run into it, but I kept running against an invisible wall. I tried to jump into it, but still I wasn't able to transform myself into a living torch. What a bummer.

In the cave, I also discovered I could use stealth, so I tried to sneak. This sneak what the crappiest walk ever. I was running bend forward and it looked like I had eaten some rotten beans the day before and had diarrhea. That's how shitty it was. My left hand was against my stomach the whole time, like I was having a terrible stomach ache.

One thing I forget to mentioned yesterday, was the terrible blood animation. The spattering blood looks like someone used a blood brush and painted in the air. It were just a couple of big splatters that disappeared in the air.

One thing that suddenly came to my mind as well, was the shitty sound. There is no music, except when you're in a village, which makes it very boring. If you look at Oblivion , it has beautiful soundtracks, that made your gaming experience alot better. Here there's just the chirping of shitty birds and ofcourse growling wolves, boars and bears.
The sound that a swords make, is to compare with the sound of a whip. That's not right.

Conclusion: after playing a second time, it's even shittier.

Tyler: nope no indicators.

[Tempest]

When I looked in Xbox Marketplace yesterday, I kind of had this dumb look on my face. Considering Two Worlds has been out for 2 weeks, why is a demo JUST NOW coming out? Anyway, unfortunately enough I actually BOUGHT this game when it came out. Needless to say, it was back at Gamestop and I had $25 trade-in credit the next day. I don't know what the demo covers, but if you didn't get to ride a horse in it, well hell, you're being robbed of some of the shittiest parts of the game! OH MAN YOU CAN FIGHT FROM HORSEBACK!

Just kidding. When they say fighting what they really mean is 'flail around like a retard'. Seriously. There aren't enough buttons on an Xbox 360 controller to make this a good idea, and I don't even think it would work on a PC. I felt like some kind of idiot monkey, trying to aim my view while still riding my horse and shooting arrows at the same time. I'm not kidding when I say how much this game made me hate life.

[SlowCheetah]

I almost downloaded the demo yesterday, but then I read about the game and it sounded-- and looked pretty shitty. So I didn't. I guess that was a good choice after all. The story of the game sounds alright, but looking at the graphics and the actual gameplay.. well I don't think I could ever play this game.

[Assassin]

Please download it and share your experience with us

[Fossdog]

I bought this game a while ago when it first came out. Now, I'm the sort of person who is very careful about their purchases usually, and I am determined to find something enjoyable in even the most coma-inducing of games. Take Majora's Mask, Star Wars Bounty Hunter, or even the dreaded Star Wars Pod Racer. I managed to find SOMETHING I liked in each of them.

This "game", however, just... I don't know what to say. It's just bad.

Everything about it is just plain bad. A game is supposed to take you out of yourself, to an extent. To put you in this virtual world and let you do stuff you wouldn't usually do. This game? No. Just.... no.

The graphics are horrible. A lot of people I've talked to say they're amazing, and I honestly think they're on some illegal substances. The framerate is atrocious, the textures are nasty - Anyone remember Dodgem Arena back on the PS1? That had better textures. Hell, Medievil looked nicer. So anyway, the graphics just make me want to cry for wasting £50 on it. When I first put it into the system, I restarted my console twice, because I thought there must have been something wrong with the machine. Slowly, realisation dawned. It was supposed to look like that.

Then we come to the voice acting. I would have laughed if I wasn't so angry. They clearly tried to emulate Middle English, and failed. It's all a mix of modern English with, and I'm not exagegrating here, a few Tis's Twere's and witherfores thrown into the mix. Having studied Middle English back at school, I took this as a personal insult. And to make it worse, they did it with American accents. Now, no offence to you Americans out there, but you sound stupid trying speak in Middle English.

So, onto gameplay. Surely this must redeem it, right? Justify the 7s - 8s that most reviewers had given it? No such luck. As Assassin mentioned, you run like a spastic. Ever seen Forrest Gump? The bit where he has the braces on his legs? Ok now imagine that, badly animated. It.... it hurts. So we come to the combat. If you can call it that. I personally call it spazzing out and flailinf wildy with some sort of silver pole which, upon further inspection, turned out to be your sword.

After having my ass handed to me by a couple of green blobs in some sort of mausoleum, which I think were supposed to be some sort of goblin or something, I wandered around in the wilderness for a while. I was attacked by wolves almost constantly, and chased by a fireproof bear, as somebody else has previously mentioned. I honestly didn't know what to think. What is an RPG without setting fire to animals? It's nothing, that's what it is.

Don't even get me started on my spastic horse which seemed to have difficulty following any vector, aside from the one which went perpetually 45 degrees to the left. I tried the mounted combat, you know. I almost cried.

This is just a bad game. It doesn't have ANY redeeming features. None whatsoever. So the next day I sold it on eBay. For £70. Imagine that. Someone bought it on eBay for £70 when they could have bought it in a shop for 50. Then it dawned on me.

People are stupid. That's what makes this game a success to so many people. They're just plain retarded.

[Spiffy13]

Yup... I bought this game when it came out... and I gotta say that I am pretty dissapointed. Mostly because the voice acting is literally the worst voice acting I have ever heard in a game, or movie, or anything. The UI also is... weird :blanky:

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention that the horseback riding is the crappiest and has the most confusing controls I have ever played.

Also, I find it pretty annoying how when I make a review for a demo I get flamed like all hell. But when Assman does no one cares :ahe:

[Tyler_Legrand]

Hey Ass', did you check if there were any difficulty settings? I looked for the game on Gamespot, and found a surprisingly high 7.0 score in comparison to your review of the demo - and it said one of its low points was "Default difficulty setting is way too hard".

[Pyro]

You should know that I had put the game on easy, and I still got killed by bandits who wouldn't die in 10 sword strikes.

If I remember correctly you could choose between the 3 usual difficulty settings, easy, medium and hard.

[Assassin]

Yup. Waaaaay to hard.

[Kwanza]

When I looked in Xbox Marketplace yesterday, I kind of had this dumb look on my face. Considering Two Worlds has been out for 2 and a half MONTHS...

Fixed, it came out Aug. 23rd. Sales probably sucked so they hoped to get better attention by releasing a demo and people wanting more. Sadly, the game blows on so many levels. I remember renting it (for free, of course)... I couldn't believe they even released it. It looks like it's half a month into development, and there's nothing good about it.

I cannot imagine anybody even finishing the damn game, I'd never be able to. There's too much wrong with it.

[Savaril]

I bought it a few weeks ago. I've only played it for 5 minutes though. Basically, its terrible. I made some gimpy freak with giant shoulders and a really skinny body just for kicks. Then when I got into the game I was running like a fucking tard. I ran in some random direction and goblins raped me. The blood effects were terrible- Big blotches of red with some shitty photoshop filter effect on them. Far from realistic. The graphics were terrible, the game lagged like hell, Way to hard even on easy difficulty setting. I died and went to some town. The voice acting was like shit.

I wasted 30 bucks on this peice of shit. I was going to go to EB games and return it, though I doubt they'd want it back. Now excuse me, I'm going to go play ET on my Atari. I can't be stressed enough to play terrible games.