View Full Version : Tournament of Artists.
That's right. Audioslave said I could make it, so I'm gonna.
Let's see there is:
Matt Melvin he's tall and if you take into acccount he is almost never on the explosm boards, he almost always "busy." Busy could mean lot's of things. He could be at the gym shaping his guns or sideburns, which ever you prefer.
Dave is Irish so we're going to go with the stereotypes and say that he can do two things well, drink and fight. He might be small but what he lacks in size, he makes up in heart and a left hook!
Rob is fat so he's not winning anything. I'm kidding...Rob some of may or may not know is in the gym almost as much as Mr. Anorexia is in the spame. He might be the favorite out of all of the artists. He's lean and could probably take a punch or two.
Then there's Kris clearly a lover and not a fighter, but that doesn't make him the wild card. He might not want to hurt you, but it is on his list. He's lanky but I bet he's got lots of heart. Something some fighters know nothing about.
SO WHO'S IT GONNA BE?! YOU DECIDE!
crowey
11-21-2007, 10:19 AM
How tall is dave?
How tall is dave?
I'm going to suggest Dave and Rob are about the same height, making them around 5'7 or so.
crowey
11-21-2007, 10:45 AM
Hmmm. Given that I think it's between Matt and Rob.
Matt has the reach (and weight? givent that taller people tend to be heavier) advantage, but if Rob is fitter/faster then he might out last Matt....
Assassin
11-21-2007, 11:01 AM
Matt crushes all with his foot.
blltmssgy
11-21-2007, 1:02 PM
Matt would win this fight, but of course Dave is Irish.
Here is a study that proves that Irish people drink a lot:
http://www.healthpromotion.ie/uploaded_docs/Irish_Drinking_Culture.PDF
Here is a quote from it too:
During the last decade, alcohol consumption has risen rapidly in Ireland with Irish adults currently among the highest consumers of alcohol in Europe
It is also commonly known that being drunk impairs your judgment. If Dave is the normal Irishman, and he gets drunk than he will win this fight. Dave's judgment will be impaired and he will not fully realize when he is too hurt to fight and he will continue fighting until he takes Matt out. If Dave is not drunk Matt wins over Rob.
1st- Dave
2nd- Matt
3rd- Rob
4th- Kris
(Matt drops down to forth place if he is too "busy" to show up for the fight)
Crabstick
11-21-2007, 1:07 PM
I think I'm going to have to go with Dave. I tend to be an angry drinker, so I've had my share of biffs. I've fought an American, and he went down easy. However, when I fought an Irishman, the little sucker (I mean that literally, he was like 5'6") broke one of my ribs with two hits. Irishmen fight dirty.
However, if this were a jelly/KY wrestling match, it would be a whole 'nother story. I'd have my money on the Melvinator, because he's like an eel, and could charge through the water and strike.
I_Smell
11-21-2007, 1:29 PM
I think the first person to lose would be Kris. Matt seems to have what I call a comedy physique.
Rob vs Dave is a close match but I think Dave's all around smaller than Rob. So I'm saying Rob'd win.
I assume things would get dirty and namecalling would be heard from both parties.
jewishjosh
11-21-2007, 3:50 PM
In a battle royale, Matt wins because of his height. Unless Dave gets them all too drunk to fight, which is very likely. Rob and Kris don't stand a chance.
junglebunny
11-21-2007, 10:24 PM
Kris wins because he bites.
Kris would start crying at the mention of the fight. That leaves Matt, Rob and Dave.
Matt would be easily taken down by the Irish ferocity of Dave. That pits Rob against Dave in the final.
Though Rob could easily outwit Dave, and does throw his weight around well, the sheer tenacity of the Irish bulldog wins the day!
To clarify:
4 - Kris
3 - Matt
2 - Rob
1 - Dave
Crabstick
11-22-2007, 11:11 AM
Matt would be easily taken down by the Irish ferocity of Dave.
I dunno, have you ever tried to fight a flag pole? Those things don't go down too easy.
Though Rob could easily outwit Dave, and does throw his weight around well, the sheer tenacity of the Irish bulldog wins the day!
What if Rob sat on him?
The Irishman wins by a long shot. Drunk Celts are the fightingest people on the face of God's green earth ( and it's green for a reason!).
Kris might be a sissy, but seriously, when sissies get all flustered they could still throw a punch. Don't you people watch the Back to the Future Movies? George McFly lays out Biff. I'm saying that Kris could be George and Rob is Biff.
So that leaves Kris, Matt and Dave. Although Kris lays out Rob that's all he has and he can't really fight. I'm saying Dave would take of Kris like the good Irishmen he is.
That leaves Matt and Dave. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Matt wins it all. He's got the reach on Dave and if he hits Dave just right, Dave could go down like a sack of potatoes.
MATT WINS!
Kris might be a sissy, but seriously, when sissies get all flustered they could still throw a punch. Don't you people watch the Back to the Future Movies? George McFly lays out Biff. I'm saying that Kris could be George and Rob is Biff.
So that leaves Kris, Matt and Dave. Although Kris lays out Rob that's all he has and he can't really fight. I'm saying Dave would take of Kris like the good Irishmen he is.
That leaves Matt and Dave. I'm going to go out on a limb and say Matt wins it all. He's got the reach on Dave and if he hits Dave just right, Dave could go down like a sack of potatoes.
MATT WINS!
I think you might be right about the Kris/Rob bit, but when it comes to Matt and Dave, drunken fury wins over lankiness.
green rubber bands
11-22-2007, 10:28 PM
Kris might be able to throw a punch when he needs to, but I'm sure Dave has been in his share of barroom brawls, so he could take Kris's punch easily, and throw one back that would knock him off his feet.
Matt v. Rob would be closer. Texans are tenacious, but guys with sideburns are known to be wilily. I'd give the fight to Matt because of his height, a deciding factor.
If Rob and Kris duked it out for third place, there's no question in my mind that Rob would come out on top, because Texans are know for pride and vanity; losing to Matt would definitely irk Rob into creaming Kris.
Finally, in Matt v. Dave, Dave would probably try to get in close and go to town with a flurry of jabs, but Matt would be able to keep him away with his superior reach. It's a toss-up because if Matt were to slip up and let Dave in close, Dave would be the champ. However inversely, if Matt could keep Dave at bay with his long arms, the Matt would be the victor.
Overall, here's the placing-
4-Kris
3-Rob
2-Dave
1-Matt (I'll give him the benefit of the doubt)
Tempest
11-22-2007, 11:15 PM
No way guys.. You're forgetting one little thing. Dave's a sweetheart!
http://a915.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/13/l_3feee6cb4771b5b9761d0267acdd5182.jpg
Look at that face! He couldn't hurt a fly! Well, okay, he could probably hurt Kris. I think in the end, it would come down to Matt and Rob. All Rob would need to do is shoot Matt in his shins with grapple hooks and wrap him up, Star Wars style, and down he goes. Once the big man is toppled, a few well-placed blows to the face would put him out of commission real quick. After all, a guy that big isn't used to being hit in the face.
4 - Kris
3 - Dave the Sweetie
2 - Matt
1 - Rob
I've only met three of them in person, I've yet to meet Kris in which I'd love, hopefully soon.
I'd say Dave would win, out of sheer alcohol abuse. Matt, as tall as he is, would fall asleep, thats what he does. Rob would be too busy pondering how to make all your lives a misery.
I dunno, have you ever tried to fight a flag pole? Those things don't go down too easy.
What if Rob sat on him?
Actually yes I have fought a fag pole. I mean flag pole. I was walking down the street merrily, when it looked down at me smuggly with the pressumptuous face of an elitist American. Though it did have a long reach, it was unsteady with its heightened centre of gravity, and came tumbling down.
Rob has in fact become sexorexic. All the anorexia/bullemia jokes are a means of mitigating the pain of dealing with an eating disorder. So again, even though in comparison Dave has the IQ of a dead gold fish, Rob is unable to outwit sheer brute strength. It's been said that Dave is in fact so stupid, he doesn't feel pain.
LagFish
11-27-2007, 5:50 AM
Dave, since his girlfriend is hot and Irish. So like, she could distract Matt Melvin and while he's "busy" oggling Daves girlfriend, Rob would be busy oggling Matt Melvin. Kris is too busy trying to spread love throughout the forums.
Therefore, the true winner is, Daves girlfriend.
Quadros
11-29-2007, 9:34 AM
They split up.
I think It's all down to Matt and Dave. I mean, dave lives in belfast, so he'll blow shit up orr shoot someone, whereas Matt's got the hieght and strength advantage. Rob's got pure bulk on his side, and fat guys tend to be good fighters, but he's too much of a little bitch, he'll probably start crying after taking one punch. Kris is pretty much fucked.
LagFish
11-29-2007, 9:46 PM
They split up.
... Well that's rather depressing. Especially since she just beat them all up.
Jallen
11-30-2007, 8:08 AM
Matt is too tall and therefore has a lot of room to land a punch. Dave, yet he is irish and probably a good fighter, will probably be too drunk to win a brawl. Kris is just too thin and artsy. I think Rob would be the best bet.
My predicted outcome:
4. Kris
3. Dave
2. Matt
1. Rob
master_of_the_obvious
12-07-2007, 1:02 PM
well kris is my favorate artist but in a fight.... ill go with dave
Penis_Captivus
12-07-2007, 1:27 PM
Alright, let's just get this straight.
Dave is Irish! Enough bloody said.
Quadros
12-08-2007, 5:27 PM
Yeah but you're irish, so what are you saying? He's going to die first? We're talking about who would win, jackass.
4. Kris
3. Dave
2. Matt
1. Rob (caus i like his comics, plus he looks like he could take kris, dave and matt all at once)
Quadros
12-09-2007, 1:49 AM
Rob would, by his own admission, climb a tree and scream at anyone who attacked him. Given his girth, this would probably cause the tree to collapse and impale him on the splintered trunk. Dave would mix an Irishman's love of alcohol, an Irishman's love of fighting and an Irishman's love of homemade high explosives to tragic yet hilariously devestating effect, blowing himself up. This leaves Matt and Kris, and whilst this seems like David and Goliath, this 'David' has a pretty good chance of landing a crafty one in Matt's happy sack. So I've changed my mind. It's got to be Kris for me.
wow i put about three seconds of thought into my thread, you look like you put like...4 seconds of thought in it..woow
Johnny
12-09-2007, 5:40 AM
I'm going to assume Dave drinking a few pints o' beer will cause him to pass out, I mean just look at him for God's sake! That leaves Kris, Rob and Matt. Kris is no match for Rob and Matt. Matt will win simply because of the height factor.
Well, Dave would be to drunk to fight, so he's out. And Kris, well he can't fight really, but that doesn't mean he wont win the fight. For now, he's in a corner, forgotten, waiting to see who would win. When fighting, height has no advantage that I can think of, plus Matt is always "busy", so Rob would win the fight with Mat. So it would be Rob and Kris. For Rob to win, he would have to hit Kris a couple of times, but I think that Kris would talk his way out of the fight. Living him unscratched and Rob the winner.
DieHard
12-09-2007, 10:17 AM
Dave would drink himself silly then fight anything in his path, plus the Irish in him wouldn't let him give up in a fight. I really couldn't see Kris in a fight so I guess he would come in last. Matt might come in second because he is fucking tall and has long arms, so he could probably hit them from a distance. Rob would probably go in biting and scratching at anything that moves but he still wouldn't win against Dave's Irishness and Matts long fucking arms. It's a close tie between Matt and Dave.
When the shit did this thread happen?
Also I'd win because I'm from Texas and all Texans carry semiautomatic rifles in their pants.
Ercoledi
01-13-2009, 3:12 PM
Don't mess with Texas.
Metalhead636
01-13-2009, 5:33 PM
I'm going to go with Rob, because if I said anything else Rob would probably kill me as well as half of the state of California.
If its the north half then Ill say anyone besides Rob.
Mr. Crow
01-17-2009, 8:49 PM
Dave would break Matt over a counter like a beer bottle and use his shattered torso as a weapon. Rob isn't much larger than the feisty Irishman, so he probably wouldn't stand a chance. He's a clever bastard though, so you never know; he might outsmart the blood-drunk Dave and get the upper hand on him.
It wouldn't matter, though, because Kris would eviscerate them both. He's the crazy one.
Valkyrie
01-17-2009, 11:55 PM
I reckon Matt would be the one to talk his way out of the fight... so that leaves the other three. Kris I'm not to sure about, I reckon he could win if he wanted to but doesnt really give a rats ass so he's out. So that Leaves Rob and Dave... I have to give it to Rob because I think he's got the force in him - aswell as he's kinda an ass so that might be useful (somehow), Dave would put up a good fight but eventually lose to Rob, because Texan's can make a mean drunk too.
ThePopeofPie
01-18-2009, 6:58 AM
Matt would make som reason to leave and woos out.
Kris would hide in the corner whilst Rob and Dave have a alchol fueled war.
It wouldn't matter who wins that fight caz they'd get a crotch full of Kris's foot and a face full of Chloroform. KRIS.
EDIT: You should make a poll.
Prawnatron
01-18-2009, 8:49 AM
I'd win.
SourChicken
01-19-2009, 9:53 PM
Are we talking fair fight or prison rules?
Or gentlemen's duel, where everyone picks their weapon?
Fair Fight:
Rob. Children in Texas have to be able to kill an ox with their bare hands before graduating from 2nd grade...which explains why so few Texans have graduated from 2nd grade.
Prison Rules:
Dave. Beer bottle after beer bottle to the head would probably knock anyone out. Good thing Irish six packs in their kilts (is that the Scottish? ah fuck it.)
Gentlemen's Duel:
Kris. Everyone would go with sword or gun or something, but he'd probably go with throwing kittens, and I don't think the other three guys could live with dead kittens on their minds.
vBulletin® v3.6.8, Copyright ©2000-2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.