PDA

View Full Version : The Blue Kiwi (Poem)


blltmssgy
01-22-2008, 9:06 PM
The Blue Kiwi

It wasn’t the kiwi who found it,
It’s not like he didn’t search though
Upset, with nothing
Soon, he would say
Soon

But he was blue.
Would he admit it?
No.
The Kiwi was blue

He predicted it though
It was soon.
The kiwi did not find it
The music found him

Flightless no more,
He was the music
And it was him,
Flying,
Together,
As one.

The Bird, grounded, until now
He flew through the air,
The notes around him
Four rows, perfect order
Nonsense.

It was what the kiwi had been longing for
This feeling,
Amazing, he knew it now
No longer had he to yearn
Together they could do,
Anything was possible

Before the kiwi was blue
But now he had been found
And they were,
One,
Blissfulness,
As the blue kiwi found his new meaning.

Feedback is welcome. And yes the point was for there to be no prose or rhyme scheme.

Godly
01-22-2008, 9:36 PM
It is... Well I'm not exactly a fan of poems, never liked writing them or reading them really, and yours doesn't really give me any reason to read it anyways. Most of it is well phrased and technically it's a good poem, it's just not my cup of tea. Also saying things like "Four rows of perfect order, nonsense" is imo kinda stupid. I know a poem doesn't have to make sense but you should try not to directly contradict yourself, even if it makes it look more poetic.
Also, your kiwi is blue, he's sad, he hasn't found the music I guess, which makes him sad, obviously cause everyone know what kiwis try to find the music. Right :/
So why did you make it a kiwi? You could have taken something less strange and "random" instead of trying to make it look like you're different by taking a bird. "But wait a second a kiwi is a flightless bird" and I know that, and it goes well with the whole being able to fly/float with the music, but there are a lot of other things that aren't able to fly, like humans for example.

I'm babbling and just writing a bunch of whatever cause I don't want to work on my project that I'm supposed to be writing right now. So I will leave you with a simple. Your poem was well written and conveyed messages that are interesting to think about. I guess.

blltmssgy
01-22-2008, 9:56 PM
I wanted it to be abstract, so hence the images of things that did not make sense.