Lyrics

[Triple J]

I've written 49 songs (last time I checked).
All my friends say they are good but they are my friends and probably wouldn't tell me if they sucked.
So I guess the only place I'll get a good honest opinion is here in Explosm.
I'll just put 2 of them here. they are the ones I have the most comments on.

Emotion Explosion It's just a love ballad I guess.

Hold In And Let No One Know You Feeling
It Is Your Own Heart That You Are Stealing
All She Wants To Do Is Be Who She Really Is
It's Hard His Life He Feels Like It's Not His
Then One Day They Both Met
And That Was A Moment Neither One Will Forget
He Found A Girl Who Is In His Eyes The Best
She Found A Guy Who Doesn't Study Her Like A Test

And He Says To Her:
I'm Your Erosion In Motion
An Emotion Explosion
An Unkindly Notion
My Emotion Explosion
My Heartfelt Implosion
Your Emotion Explosion
Would You Look At The Ocean
This Emotion Explosion


He Says That He's Found The One
She Says This Time She Finally Won
They Go Together Like Peas In A Pod
He Keeps Their Favorite Pictures On His Ipod
They've Been Dating For Four Years Now
Seventh Grade To Tenth Grade They Made It Somehow
She Likes To Go To His House To Help Him Study
He Prefers Her Teaching Over Any Other Buddy

She Replies Back:
I'm Your Erosion In Motion
An Emotion Explosion
An Unkindly Notion
My Emotion Explosion
My Heartfelt Implosion
Your Emotion Explosion
Would You Look At The Ocean
This Emotion Explosion

It's On The Day That They Weren't Late
The Day That They Would Together Graduate
They Make Speeches Of Each Other When At The Stand
The Pictures Was Taken With Her Palm In His Hand
She Says To Him "Oh I Love you So Much"
Six Happy years Together Can Do Just Such
He Has Always Got Her So Close To His Heart
With His Amount Of Care They Won't Be Torn Apart

He Tells Her Again:
I'm Your Erosion In Motion
An Emotion Explosion
An Unkindly Notion
My Emotion Explosion
My Heart Felt Implosion
Your Emotion Explosion
Would You look At The Ocean
This Emotion Explosion

And Some Day
Yeah Sunday
Only Way
Not Monday
x4

The Moment They Both Said "I Do"
Never Had Either Said A Sentence So True
They Moved To Georgia, All They Had Was Each Other
Now He's A Proud Dad, And She's A Proud Mother
They Had Many Kids And Now Aren't Alive Anymore
There Spirits Live On, Together They Soar
Their Buried Side-By-Side, Grave-By-Grave
Here Lies The Story Of The Willing And The Brave

Their Graves Sing:
I'm Your Erosion In Motion
An Emotion Explosion
An Unkindly Notion
My Emotion Explosion
My Heart Felt Implosion
Your Emotion Explosion
Would You look At The Ocean
This Emotion Explosion

Goodbye Forever To show I can go both ways I'll show a break up song. It's not about me I just write songs for other people.

Are You Stupid Or Just Plainly Dumb?
The Reasons I Hate You I Guess I'll Name Some
You Beat Up My Spirit Kick Me While I'm Down
Changed A Kid's Smile To A Permanent Frown
Took Out My Love, Took It All Away
Nothing Left But A Hole Where A Heart Used To Lay
So Now I'll Sit Around And Be Sad At Home
And Blame You For The Fact That I Feel Alone


Chorus
You Say You Love Me
No, You Don't
For Me You'll Block A Bullet
No, You Won't
You Say You Love Me
You Say You'll Save Me
What About The Attention
That You Never Gave Me
You Say It Was All My Fault
If So Then Get Out Of My Face
You Say You Want Me Back
Rather Be Sprayed By Mace
This Is It For Now
I'll Miss You're Kiss Never
I'm Sorry But it's The Truth
Goodbye Forever

Is There Any Soul Left In Your Eyes
You Were Changed By Two Betrayals, Three Lies
I Sometimes Wish That I Didn't Act That Way
But In The Long Run It Changed My Night To A Day
If That's A Good thing, I Don't Care Right Now
I'm Gonna Make It Through Someway, Somehow
I Think It Was More Of A Gain Then A Loss
Plenty More Chances, Just Prepare The Toss
For Me There Are Way Less Hits Then Misses
But What I Don't Need, Is Three Envious Wishes
Because I Don't Need Magic, That Stuff's Not True
But The Holy Spirit Is, Maybe That Could Save You
I Wish You Luck For The Rest Of Your Life
You'll Get A Husband, Maybe I Might Get A Wife

Chorus

And Someday
And Someway
Here And Now
And Somehow
Theres Hope
x8

Chorus

Well Maybe Later We Could Be Friends
We Could Attempt To Make It Around The Bends
Till Then it's Best That We Don't Talk
So When I Leave Don't Follow Or Stalk
This Is It, Quite A Stubburn Goodbye
I'm Kinda Glad Heck I Won't Lie
Won't Lie Like You Did
Won't Hide Like You Hid

Chorus

Let Us Just Say
Our Last Goodbye
I Won't Miss You
You Should know Why
x8

[Quadros]

I want to critique but could you not capitalise every word so my eyes don't bleed?

Also you come across as trying to hard to rhyme at the expense of flow, and your lines have some irregularity to their sylabic structure.

Let Us Just Say
Our Last Goodbye
I Won't Miss You
You Should know Why
x8

EIGHT TIMES? SERIOUSLY?

And Emotion explosion isn't very good. Sorry. The chorus is just a list of words that rhyme with explosion. The lines don't really make sense, like you're cramming the rhymes and the beats in. And the lyrics aren't flowery poetic love riddled verses, they're a love story to the style of 'sk8er Boi' by Avril Lavinge.

[Triple J]

Yeah I'm not doing that whole "always rhyming" thing as much anymore.

Thanks for the opinion. Sorry I forgot to uncap it. I'll get working on that.

[Godly]

They Go Together Like Peas In A Pod
He Keeps Their Favorite Pictures On His Ipod

Ew. I would stop listening to that song, just cause of those two lines..

Moving on, some of your lines seem pretty good but the you come up with something like "Rather Be Sprayed By Mace" which totally turns me away =/
I'd say continue writing a bettering your lyrics, cause over all they could make some okay songs. Though I'm not totally sure if I can find a good rhythm for the songs, but that might just be me.

Anyways, keep working at it.

[exetra]

Terrible. Like lyrics I would write in 7th grade.

Post some stuff you haven't got many comments on. Post stuff you think is good yourself.

[Audioslave]

I'm adic- I'm addicted to youuuu.

They're pretty bad.

[Triple J]

My newest one doesn't have that all caps and barely any rhyming it's my probably hardest to write because I didn't know what I was talking about sometimes so I just improvised. It's just about a girl who gets into the porn industry.

(Imagine it like "Bright Eyes style or something)

Sold Her Everything

She so drunk she can barely see her own hand.
Her life is something no one bothers to understand
She had dignity but she let men take it.
Now people know what she would look like naked
she just wanted to be seen
To be more than everyone else.
now she's just a simulation of stimulation
now she's reduced to nothing

smoking crack, pills, roofies, doobies.
People call her offensive she calls them headaches.
She calls them jealous
and just overzealous
Still just compel us

what ever happened to the little girl
that we all loved
when she was asked what she wanted to do when she grew up
she said "I want to be looked at. to be seen"
well yeah she got it.
but not like she wanted

she is the shell. of what a pretty little girl she used to be
Now she has been too abused to see
anything more that she could be

She sold her body for the money
Her tits for the fame
Her trunk to be noticed
Her parents are ashamed
x8

There's no pity for the willing
by saying that.
It's ourselves we are killing
crying she's bleeding from her everything
her arms.
her eyes.
her mouth
her heart

If you look at her legs.
You see no veins left.
Serious but delirious
Compelling overwhelming
Sold her everything
To be seen by others

[Audioslave]

The idea of writing good lyrics/poetry is giving it depth. It's only 30+ lines, you need to make it 3-dimensional. Simply stating things and making them rhyme isn't going to make an amazing song. If you actually listen to Bright Eyes songs, you go "Wow, how did he come up with that?" You didn't have anything that even came close to that.

[exetra]

Again with the x8. I wouldn't repeat it more than two times because its just too long and its not a paticularly good hook either.

[Triple J]

Thanks for the opinions. I'm going to work on my creative juices. But hey I'm in 8th grade so maybe it'll get better with age?

[Audioslave]

It will.

Here's a word of advice that isn't meant to discourage you, but just avoid embarrassment: do not show people you're writings until your style has developed. I was in your shoes once, posting shitty writing on the internet, for people to tear me apart (unfortunately, they weren't as honest as explosm.)

So write like mad. Do a little bit every night. Then, after a month or so, go back and read what you wrote. Chances are you won't be as pleased as you were when you wrote it, and you'll strive to make it better. At a point, you'll have your craft honed to the point where other people need to tell you what's wrong with it, that's when you should submit it for review.

[Awesome-o]

Reading those lyrics its hard to believe you named yourself Triple J. I'm assuming you listen to triple J?

Edit: i take that back i see you're from minnessota, you dont know what JJJ is. JJJ is an alternative (less so now) radio station in australia.

Anywho they both seem like pop-punk in the vien of green day or (as mentioned) Avril Lavigne. Soory but pop lyrics cant really ever be made good. Not to say you cant write a catchy tune, but in my opinion pop lyrics really suck.

This is coming from a metalhead so i dont really think it means much to you.

[Triple J]

Don't worry I see where you all are coming from and I see what you all mean. I'm not like other users here who get all mad when people don't like their stuff. I kind of grew up with pop but I really wish I hadn't. I'm going to really try to improve on my writing.

Oh, and it is spelled Minnesota, but it doesn't matter really.

Yeah my initials just happen to be JJJ so I kind of called myself triple J. I've never heard of the radio thing other then from explosm

And I think he is spelled Tripple J.

[MeatPuppet]

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