The Worst Chat-up Lines ever

[Quadros]

We've all heard them, some of us have used them ,and now we're going to pool them so Mr A might actually have a slim (lol pun) chance of getting a date. So what are they? What are the worst and the cheesiest pick up lines ever?

My Girlfriend loves them, so I have quite the collection.

'Did it hurt, falling from heaven?'
'I was supposed to go home but I got lost in your eyes and now I don't know where the fuck I am, do you have a map?'
'Is love very deep? Because I think I'm about to fall into it'
'How heavy is a polar bear? Enough to break the ice'.
'Shut the fuck up bitch or I'll slit your fucking throat.'

Any others?

[Grudge)86]

My favorite is, "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[Quadros]

I made it quite clear that if you're going to throw out a rape joke everyone's already made about 18 times each in the GF you have to post like four serious ones as well. Wasn't that clear?

[WillJ.]

"If I had a star for everytime you made me smile I'd have the whole nights sky in the palm of my hand."
"I've forgotten my phone number, can I have yours?"
"Are you the daughter of a lumberjack? Because when I look at you I get wood"
"Excuse me are you lost? Because heaven is a long way from here"
"You must be the greatest thief ever. You just stole my heart away"

[jcmpxx]

hahaha. a guy once used this one. it was horrible, but so funny.

"did your dad have sex with a rabbit? because you have amazing eyes"

.. if you dont get it, carrots make your eyes good.
idk it was stupid, but it made me laugh.

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[Awsumerthanyou]

"Do your legs hurt? 'Cause you've been running around my mind all night."
"Come here often?"
"What's your sign?"
"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you and I together"
"O HAI BUTTSECKS?!!!11"

[SladeMadeFilms]

"Nice shoes, wanna fuck?"
(Examine someone's tag on their shirt and then say) "I'm just looking to see if you were made in heaven.
"Your pants would look great crumpled up next to my bed."
(Hold out your hand with a screw in it and say) "Wanna screw?"

If you are looking for serious lines you can use:
"Hey, I'm new in this town, what is there to do for fun around here?" (Sparks Conversation, hopefully)
"Hey, would you like to buy me a drink?" (Some women may respond to the humor in this one, some will not, it's a toss up.)
(If you see a girl being badgered by a man that she is obviously not attracted to, walk up to them and say this to the woman.) "Hey honey, who is this?" (She will usually be grateful, hence leading to conversation.)

[Oofie]

Worst ones I've ever gotten were;
'You have the most beautiful blue eyes'. (I have green eyes)

'I wanna fuck the girl in the funky hat'. (to a group of girls, all of whom showed mild interest until he said that -except me, the one in the funky hat)

'Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?' (he was completely serious)

'You come here often?' (I was hosting a party. In my house :indiff:)

Him: 'Where are you staying tonight?'
Me: 'Home,'
Him: 'Where's home?'
Me: 'Here.. Like, Dublin.'
Him 'That's a long way, you should come back with me!'
Me: 'Dude.. We're in the Dublin Inn'

I have more I can't remember at the mo, I'll edit them in later.

[Quadros]

My Mohawk was always a topic of conversation, the worst lines to stem from it were;
'Is it sharp? Let me poke you and you might find out.'
'I keep it in a fan to cool me down when a hottie like you turns up'
'Is it hard to keep up? It's easier with girls like you around'
'Careful love, you get much hotter you'll melt the wax'

[Triple J]

"The word of the day is legs, let's go to your house and spread the word"

And I don't know if someone said this yet but
"Are you from heaven, 'cause I've got an erection"

[Raxo]

Is that a mirror in your pocket 'cause I can see myself in your pants.

Were your parents retarded? Because you're pretty special.

Do you raise chickens? Because you made my cock grow.

and the worst one...

You give my vector both direction and magnitude.

[Pig Fucker]

I've got three favorite pick-up lines that have surprisingly never worked for me:

"Do you know a good neurosurgeon? Because I want to fuck your brains out."

"What's got 232 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper."

and the best
"If I could be any enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes."

[Grudge)86]

I made it quite clear that if you're going to throw out a rape joke everyone's already made about 18 times each in the GF you have to post like four serious ones as well. Wasn't that clear?


Actually, no. That was not clear at all. You did not mention any of this in your first post. Sorry.

If you want me to add another, there's always, "Come over here and sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up."

[SuEsq]

"Hey, cool faux hawk."

"Hey, nice tan."


The best pick up line ever:
What do you want to drink? That one gets me every time.

[TheHighwaySong]

"The human body has 256 bones. Would you like another one?"

[HappyPalooza]

My all-time favorite pick-up line has got to be:

"Are you from FedEx? Because I coulda sworn you were checkin' out my package."

[Xambesi]

Is that a ladder in your stockings or a stairway to heaven? :heya:
or
Do you have any french in you? No? Well, would you like some?
That one was ironic because we were actually in France =D

[Oofie]

'Is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?'
Is that a ladder in your stockings or a stairway to heaven? :heya:


:indiff:

Do you have any french in you? No? Well, would you like some?
That one was ironic because we were actually in France =D

I think you need a new definition of 'irony'.

Also, just last night I got;
Me: 'I'm so tired'
Him: 'Hey me too, we should go to bed together!'

[BilkEmDanno]

"My zipper's stuck, could you help me out?"

Pow. Ping. Poh!

I mean, after all, what's a slap in the face for the feeling of "I CAN DO THIS" you feel before and while you say it?

[Jade]

The worst one I have heard was, "Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them."

And one time a guy in a bar asked me if I "would rather kiss a snake on the head or a bunny between the ears", so I said "a bunny?" and he then pulled out his pants pockets like bunny ears. That one actually made me laugh but it didn't work.

[sr_becko]

Well this one was by a guy that I know well, and, well, he hits on everything that walks. Also it only really works if you're watching a pirate movie, otherwise it might be hard to get on the topic.
"Hey, if you were a pirate would you have your parrot on this shoulder," while pointing to the shoulder closest, "or this shoulder?," while pointing/putting his arm on the farthest shoulder and leaving it there.
I'll give him A for effort, but well it didn't work.

[THE_ARTIST]

i find it amusing that people expect these to work...
no girl is so slutty/desperate that she'll sleep w/ the 1st guy 2 come up with a goofy pickup line- something you should learn RIGHT NOW.
one that nobody's mentioned yet are the infamous "in my pants" lines.
example:) girl:does anyone have a corkscrew?
guy:"i have a corkscrew. IN MY..." well, i think we know where this one is going.

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[Guerrilla705]

do you work with computers? because you just turned my software into hardware

[Hickabod]

In the past I've actually used
"I've got A-Levels" and "I've got loads of Gamerscore"

[I_Smell]

If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U on a dIet.
Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I bet it hurt whoever the fuck you landed on.
You must be tired, cos you've been running through my mind for about 5 seconds.
Is your daddy a chef? Cos you're a fat bitch.

Those are all pretty bad.

[Raxo]

Did it hurt? When you clawed your way out of hell?

Are you hurt? Because you just got hit by the ugly tree.

Did you fall from heaven? That would explain how you messed up your face.

Excuse me, I'm putting together a list of people with whom I want to have sex, and I'll need the correct spelling of your name.

I've heard the last one used resulting in a guy getting slapped in the face.

[natalie137]

I've used "I'm a quarter Welsh" as a chat-up line before. Men are so easy :rolleyes:

And my favourite "corny" one:

"I've got a watch that can tell whether or not you're wearing underwear"
"Go on then"
"It says you're not"
"It's wrong, I am"
*taps watch* "Damn, it's an hour fast"

[Svetz]

My favourite has always been this absolutely ridiculous line, in which first you lick your finger and rub it on the other person's shirt, then do it again and rub it on your own shirt, and say "so, how about you and me get out of these wet clothes?" It's ridiculous.

[Benjaman]

To figure out a girls name just say:

You: "How do you spell your name?"
Girl: "S-U-S-I-E, why do you ask?" (Or whatever)
You: "Oh, because I know people who spell it different."

It works every time.

[ironbrick52]

Ok i just made an account so i could get this off my mind
Just because
Did you fall face first from heaven cause that'll explain your face

=D

whatever

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[Richard_Simmons]

"Do you know karate, cause your body's kickin."
"I only have one eye for you."
"Is your father a theif? Because I wonder who took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes."

[GCBC]

My favorite one:
"Are you from Ireland? Cuz my pants are Dublin..."

Some bad ones I heard at the pub over the weekend:
"I've been waiting my whole life for you."
"This drink doesn't taste as good as you will."
and
upon my roommate glancing at some guy
He:"Thought you knew me?"
She: "Yeah but I don't."
He: "Well, would you like to?"

[BKS]

"Is that a keg in your pants? Cause I'd tap that."

"You remind me of my WoW character. Wanna try some Player versus Player?"

"Can I put it in your ass?"
"WHAT?!"
"I said "What a dirty glass!", would you like another?"(motion to her drink)

[Spastic]

"Do you have the time?"
I hate it when I'm chatting to people and they ask me if I have the time, Do I look like a clock?
"Nasty weather we're having huh?"
Yeah, thanks for pointing that out, remind me to never chat with you again.

As for pickup lines, I've heard some corny ass ones.

"I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand."
"Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get."
"Do you have a name or can I call you "mine"?"

[Krabby]

I lost my number, can I lend yours?

I'm composing a phone book, I'll need your name, phone number and adress.

Nice legs, when do they open?

Excuse me, but would you fancy an orally stimulated orgasm?

Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

Be unique, say yes.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute.

Took me five minutes to stop laughing after yours though, I_Smell.

EDIT: Looked up a few 'cause I was bored.

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.

As you walk by, turn around and say: "Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No? Damn."

I'm easy. Are you?

Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

[Shadowpriest]

"Hey, wanna fck? All I need is u."
"Do you buy Mac products? Because you have an apple bottom."

[fcon]

Horrible horrible nerd pick up lines:

-- Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time
approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you.

-- Let's convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.

-- How about me and you go back to my place and form a covalent bond?

-- You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.

-- You're sweeter than fructose.

-- Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?

-- Your body has the nicest arc length I've ever seen.

-- You're hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power!

-- Hey baby, let's make a stress-strain curve together.

[Clank22]

a friend of mine used to get these on his phone for some reason afew good ones were

"hey you like math, because me + you minus your cloths divide your legs and lets mulitply"
"are your parents retarded,because your special"
"excuse me, I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?"
"If you were a booger I'd pick you first."
and lastly
"So, you're a girl huh?"

[Johnny]

If your left leg was Christmas and your right leg was Easter, can I visit in between the holidays?

Person A: Hey, what year did the Robert F. Kennedy die?
Person B: (Hopefully, the know.)Umm.. 1968
Person A: OH that's right. '68, thanks, I owe you one.

[M3G4N]

how about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up :)

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[whangadude]

I read these in the nerdy ones in the New Scientist mag.

I love the way you smell so different from my dad.

Would kissing you increase global warming and damage the Artic irreversibly, or is it just enough to break the ice?

I've had my ion you.

I dont wish to brag, but in several parallel universes i invented the internet, warned the world about global warming, ran for president and won the Nobel peace prize.

Hello, I've just taken part in a clinical trial of a new drug to help memory loss; could you tell me, do i come here often?

You are definitely the woman of my REM phase.

Looking at you I think creationists may have a point after all.

[Quadros]

Now that we've reitterated the obvious ones everyone's heard a million times before, how about some actually original ones?

[CalculatePie314]

Nice clothes. They would look better on my bedroom floor.

[McGruff]

"Are you wearing space pants, because your butt is out of this world."

[pennyfizgig13]

My guy mate used one on the bar chick the other night.
"Is your dad a police officer? because you've got fine written all over you."

he didn't pick up that night.

[Mr.Monday]

If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?

[Quadros]

Oh, I was out the other night and some girl called my mate a massive cock, to which he replied 'you are what you eat :heya:' (yeah he actually did the eyebrow thing). It took him about five seconds to realise what he'd said, time I spent laughing in his face.

[cougarhunter006]

I wish I was your derivative so that I could lie tangent to your curves

[gordanthefree]

(looks at shoes) "wow, ur size is a double D?"

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[azunder]

"I'm not Fred Flintstone, but i'll make your bedrock!"

So far i've alienated half the city with this line.

[MSB]

A while back some random guy at a party approached my friend and the following conversation ensued:

Him: Hey there.
Her: Uhh, hi.
Him: I was just wondering what your last name was.
Her: Why??
Him: Well, because I was wondering if your Dad owns a juice factory.
Her: What? No.
Him: Because that ass is Veryfine.

I was laughing so hard. My friend was also laughing, but telling the guy that he was an idiot. I gave him kudos for how his pick up line seemed like a serious conversation.


I don't think I've heard any out of the norm pick-up lines myself, but my husband is rather creepy when we're in elevators and always asks me what floor I'm going to in a loud whisper. He usually follows that by a 'You smell pretty', complete with an audible sniff. Did I mention this only happens when there are other people around that we don't know? Talk about awkward.

[gordanthefree]

I think he is trying to be funny

Hold a parcel in your hand and say "Want to see my package?"

[OddKid506]

"Bitch please! you must have a mental disease. Assume the position and get back down on your knees."

"If you had the choice of fucking me, or that ugly kid in a wheelchair over there. Who would it be?"
(Hopefully the answer is "You.")
"PROVE IT!"

[Miss Freeze]

"Do you want to see something swell?"
"Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear that your Angelina Jolie."
"I made a bet with that guy over there that I could sleep with you. You wouldn't want that jackass to win would you?"
"Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!"

[gordanthefree]

Do you have any raisins? How about a date?
Where you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good
You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet.

[Richard_Simmons]

"Nice ass. Let's fuck."

I have actually heard someone use this.

[Pawny]

My boyfriend once had a girl come up to him and say "Hey, I'm Amanda. I have no gag reflex".
Found that one quite funny. And I bet it would even work on some guys :p

[Gratisgulasch]

You look like I need a drink.

Can I stand next to you? I just farted over there.

I love every bone in your body. Especially mine.

[Shadowpriest]

Can I stand next to you? I just farted over there.

I seriously doubt somebody would be stupid enough to think this might work.

[Dresden]

That's the whole point. Non of these would ever work. That's why they're pathetically pathetic, and therefore slightly funny.

[gordanthefree]

-I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
-Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
-Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
-Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you.

[AmareEstMors]

I can only think of one that hasnt been said.
-Your body is a temple. Mind if i get on my knees and worship?

[M3G4N]

oh geez. i only did it once so fuck off

[Shadowpriest]

That's the whole point. Non of these would ever work. That's why they're pathetically pathetic, and therefore slightly funny.

Well there's a couple here that would work if the chick was REALLY easy.

[gordanthefree]

I don't think that people really want to do a chick that easy. There would probably be a reason for that.

[GenericInsanity]

Some just plain ones that I've heard;
"I'm a pirate, and I'm here for your booty"
"If you were a booger, I'd pick you first"
"Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?"
"Should I nudge you in the morning to wake you up?"
"You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case."

And some music/music theory ones
"I wish I were an +6 chord so you could bring resolution to my raised member"
"If you were an ostinato I'd do you over and over again"
"I broke my g string while fingering a minor"
"I want to make you tremolo."

[I_am_big_INside]

Someone's probably already posted this, but:
"You've got something on your butt."
"What?"
"MY EYES!"

hehe.

[gordanthefree]

Variation on an old one:

"nice tits, lets fuck"

"wow, nice legs, can you do the splits?"
her: (yeah)
"prove it"

I almost drowned in your eyes, give me CPR or I may not recover

[MrDoctor]

"What has 256 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?"
"My zipper"

[Quadros]

'Yes, I'm Quadros from the internet.'

Works every time.

[MSB]

Actually used at the strip club where I celebrated my birthday:

Creepy old man (talking to my friend): So, do you come here to make all the ladies jealous?

[stfu]

'Yes, I'm Quadros from the internet.'

Works every time.

I'm already weakening at the knees.

[Quadros]

''I really like your friend quick let's make her jealous.''

[Shadowpriest]

'Yes, I'm Quadros from the internet.'

Works every time.

''I really like your friend quick let's make her jealous.''

I wish I could witness somebody actually trying these.

[Smelz]

"1,2,3,4 I declare a tongue war!"

[Oofie]

I got a few this weekend.

''Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?''

Him: So you wanna fuck...
me: excuse me?
Him: ...ing drink? No? Ok whatever

[Mirrorman]

I got a few this weekend.

''Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?''

Him: So you wanna fuck...
me: excuse me?
Him: ...ing drink? No? Ok whatever

Somebody actually said that to you? Oh god.

[Phil_8equalsignD]

Did you grow up on a farm, because you sure do know how to raise a cock.

Are you're parents retarded, because you're special.

Is that a ladder up your skirt, or a stairway to heaven?

My friend wanted to know if you thought I was cute.

Me: I have a watch that tells whether or not people are wearing underwear, and it says you're not. Am i right?
Her: No you're wrong.
Me: Hmm... Damn, it's an hour fast.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Tell me, does this tequilla taste funny.
*hand untouched shot* (date rape optional)

[gordanthefree]

"Lets do it in an ally way"

"Fuck me or die"

"How old are you? 10? good enough for me"

[El Travo]

Girl, you are the "o" to my "lol"

Damn, you are one bowl of spagetti that doesn't need anymore cheese.

[gordanthefree]

Are you good at sex? Prove it. (Or: no, I think I can prove you wrong)

[JonC]

Here's one I think goes like this(which hasn't been said yet):

I have my library card, do you mind if I check you out?

Oh and here's one someone told me once(not to me, but told me about it):

I like spaghetti, wanna fuck?

[Pope]

My personal fave has to be
**holding up hands** "meet Lewis and Clark. May I explore your mountains?"

[Halz]

My favorite is

I like pearl necklaces. Can you give me one which I can't keep?

Its worked before

[gordanthefree]

If you are a chick, all you need to do is go act all slutty to a hot guy. Don't expect a phone call though.

[Azn Poser ^_^]

Someone I know had this done to her:
She was at a bar and this guy came up to her with some ice (frozen water, not the drug) and just smashed it on the table. It freaked the hell out of her and then he said "Now that the ice is broken, can I have your number?"

[Jade]

I got a new one last night at the bar. Some guy came up to me and said, "Do you know the difference between a sandwich and a blow job? No? Wanna go out to lunch?"

[Pie_Dee]

You're sin(x)2, I'm cos(x)2 and together we are one.

EDIT: The 2s mean squared. And sin(x)2+cos(x)2=1 because of Pythagoras and SOH CAH TOA.

[gordanthefree]

I don't geddit :(.

Coca cola, lemon lime, me and you. We all need each other :)

[redbayredneck]

Hand a girl your keys, then tell her that we'll be needing them later.

(This would really suck if the girl just stole your keys)

[MessyJessy]

This was tried on one of my friends..... Did it hurt when you feel from heaven, you giant man angel?

Also, do you have a band-aid? Because I hurt my knee when I fell for you

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[MessyJessy]

This was tried on one of my friends..... Did it hurt when you feel from heaven, you giant man angel?

and, do you have a band-aid? Because I hurt my knee when I fell for you

[pranshee]

I eat all kinds of food, including the pussy.

[satansick]

Im giving a party in my mouth , wanna come?

[gordanthefree]

I don't like your clothes, take them off.

[Mobikwa]

I wish I was your homework, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk.

I cant wait to try some of these, Ive got them in my phone for some text message shennanigans.

[fabz]

"I post on this website called explosm sometimes and I usually blog about the things I write on explosm."

Totally used that this past weekend and panties dropped.

[Kallot]

Sucky sucky, five bucky.

It worked for me.

[JamesKPolk]

Stolen from xkcd:

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put your sister and I together."
"Is your father a thief? Because that's totally my Jetta you parked outside."
"You must be tired, 'cause you've been running through my mind all night. Screaming."

[Infinity]

How do you like your eggs, fertilized or unfertilized?

[Quadros]

'I have a knife, this is your last chance to consent.'

[Cmd Asshat]

Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.


So Lame...

[BermyGirl]

What winks and screws like a tiger?:gj:

[WTF]

Hey call an ambulance; you with those curves and I am with no breaks.
(translated from spanish so I dont know if its correct...)

[DiamondCrash]

Is your dad a terrorist? Coz you are the BOMB!

[wasted space]

Hey baby, you dropped something. My jaw!

This also works well if you say "My balls"

[gordanthefree]

Can I finger you. Please?

[Quadros]

'Excuse me, are you a vet? CAUSE THESE SWANS ARE SICK!' (at this point you raise your arms in two swan shapes to show off your guns)

[Oofie]

This is a common one but I didn't think people used it in real life until yesterday:

Him: You're beautiful! You have a slightly Germanic look about you, do you have any German in you?
Me: Really? No, none.
Him: Would you like to?

This was made better by the fact that he was a fat man well into his 60s with long greasy white hair.

[Con-Con]

Hey call an ambulance; you with those curves and I am with no breaks.
(translated from spanish so I dont know if its correct...)

I doesn't make sense to me any way.

[Salmoness]

The point of pick up lines is to get a girl laughing. So they might actually work if they're original.

"Wanna go halvies on a baby?"

"You're eyes remind me of screwdrivers, every time i look into them my nuts tighten."

[Marijuana]

"Is it oke if I stick my penis in your mouth?"

[Pat]

Hand the woman a date rape'd drink.
When she drinks it immediately ask:
"Can I fuck you with a rake?"
She'll say No
"Well then I guess its rape you with a rake"

Disclaimer: If anybody actually tries this its thread starters fault. Seriously.

[Quadros]

I'm cool with that if I get the video of it.

[kellykawaii]

If you're out on a saturday night, "Hi, how would you like to have Sunday dinner in my house?"

[Zanna]

"lets count shoulders"
guy counts his shoulders 1 and 2 and then 3 and 4 as the girls. a guy did it to me once but it only made me laugh and walk away shaking my head, i've also heard "you smell wet lets party"

[natalie137]

i've also heard "you smell wet lets party"

Ew, that's pretty disgusting.

In the past I've had:
"Come on, I've fingered you, the least you can do is put my cock in your mouth"
Totally worked :ahe:

[BlackHood]

I may have just made/used one to a girl I like.

This time last year I was in Belgium. Their chocolate is nowhere near as sweet as you.

I even died a little when I said it.

[Pat]

"lets count shoulders"
guy counts his shoulders 1 and 2 and then 3 and 4 as the girls.

WTF? I don't get it?

[thisiswhoiam]

Do you work at subway because you give me a footlong.
Are those space pants becase your butt is out of this world.

[Chronon]

If you were a bird, you'd be a tufted titmouse!

Hey, you did say "worst".

[some n00b]

Date me or i'll kill you.

[DruNkiN_mONkeY350]

Baby did you fart ? Because you blew me away!
Surprisingly it doesn't work as well as you'd think.

[Zanna]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zanna
"lets count shoulders"
guy counts his shoulders 1 and 2 and then 3 and 4 as the girls.

WTF? I don't get it?

sorry should have explained that better, it means that his arm ends up around her shoulders.

[JW]

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.

[xGamerBabex]

I heard this one a couple weeks ago...

Him: Excuse me, do you have any band-aids?
Me: Ummm...no...why?
Him: Because i just scraped up my knees falling for you..

[Quadros]

'Hey, is the circus in town?'
'No, why?'
'Because you're ugly as fuck'

That one didn't work so well for me.

[gordanthefree]

You suck. You suck hardcore styles. I'M TALKING DOWNTOWN!

[Hats of!]

Beep, me, robot from Marsiton 8 point 1 invite human of female gender to join robot from Marsiton 8 point 1 to sit by robots sitting-construction. Beep. Also, robot from Marsiton 8 point 1 need for human of female gender to digest this pill. The pill is needed for going in, beep, me spaceship. Beep.

[deadgirl]

I know many girls that fell for this from my guy friend

"If I could be anything in the world, I'd be one of your tears. To be born in your eyes, live on your cheek and die happy on your lips"

[gordanthefree]

I have a penis, you have an ass. Lets get together.

[Chrono]

Hey good looking, Ecclesiastes 4:11

[satansick]

'You are pretty'

'I have money'

'Could you instruct me how to use this condom ? '

' Fast somebody is about to die , lets have sex '

' I have a bed '

[an0ther n00b]

Your in luck i've decided to go ugly early!

[azunder]

"Your a 7.65"

[Raziel]

Don't let this rape turn into a murder


and this gets me as well

girl :is that a gun in you poset or are you just happy to see me

Guy: a bit of both, this is a rape

[Quadros]

Your in luck i've decided to go ugly early!

Ugh you didn't even watch the episode of 8 out of 10 cats, you just saw the fucking advert. You, sir, are an abject lesson in failure.

Oh and Razeil you're not Jimmy Carr.

[Raziel]

Ugh you didn't even watch the episode of 8 out of 10 cats, you just saw the fucking advert. You, sir, are an abject lesson in failure.

Oh and Razeil you're not Jimmy Carr.

i didn't actually know that was him i got it off sickipedia, and it's not like the rest of these lines are original,

[Quadros]

yeah but the rest are either anecdotes or so obviously cheesy and cliché that no attribution is needed.

[Raziel]

sorry i just heard it on a site, thought it was funny and it stuck in my head, i seen this quiz, posted it, i've never heard jack dee saying it if i did i wold have credited him

[meTalmessiah]

That shirt is quite becoming of you.
Then again, if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

[kussese]

Hey, baby. Do you like art?

Yes...

Because I wanna paint your face tonight.

[Ercoledi]

Oh, hi. I'm not coming on to you or anything.

I'm saving that for tonight. :heya:

One day I'll grow the balls to use that.

[ThunderPanda]

"Hey baby, I'm not Fred Flinstone but I could a bed rock."
"You're so beautiful, you give the sun a reason to shine."
:-D

[Dresden]

Don't let this rape turn into a murder


and this gets me as well

girl :is that a gun in you poset or are you just happy to see me

Guy: a bit of both, this is a rape

Holy shit, learn to type you illiterate moron.

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[HexenBexen]

Do you have a mirror in your pocket? I can see myself in your pants!

You give me a boner of respect. (Yes, someone actually said that to me, I laughed my ass off.)

[Hitman44]

"Whats ur favourite scary movie?"

Its never ends well..

[Jesterhead]

"I hope you have a good insurance, because you made a lump in my pants."

"Excuse me mam, i'm a doctor, and as soon my eyes caught your bosom i knew something was wrong. It might be cancer. So for your own safety reasons could i have a closer look?" (Should be a girl with a low-cutted shirt)

"I'm a great fan of Ironfilled Maidens"

[tomeh_love]

I am like a light bulb and you turn me on.

Best. Ever.
Fact.

Oh, And:
GIRL: I'm bored.
GUY: And I'm card. Let's get together ;D

... Cardboard.
Geddit?

[Lush]

Some of these would make me laugh, and not entirely creeped out, so much that I might actually talk to the guy if it seemed like he knew it wasn't serious.
Others - just no.

Worst one I ever got was 'It must be true what they say about the eyes being the window to the soul '
That was it. It doesn't really have an ending. So weird.
I actually got 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' - from a girl.

[Fortuitous-Oddity]

"Hey baby, I wanna have some fun - I've got the F and the N, all I need is U"

[burningtoad]

Are you a beaver, cause DAM!

[evild00er]

That dress looks good on you. I would look good on you.

[Aetos]

It didn't work too well but here goes:

Guy: Let me have sex with you.


Yeahhhhh.

[CalculatePie314]

Hey baby, I have 3 inches of hard dick with your name on it!

[mohaas05]

"You know, Subway isn't the only place that offers five dollar foot longs..."

[farooom]

Hey, wanna come over for some pizza and sex?
No? What... you don't like pizza!?

[gordanthefree]

Touch a girl's breast: god, I LOVE these cushioney things, where you get them from?

[Shimigami]

Worst I've heard/read:

"Baby, a night with me is like September 11th: A little shaky and sad at first, but once I get you in bed, game over!"

[Taperjeangirl7]

One's that actually happen:

How are ya fixed?

How's your gee for a gallop?

[mohaas05]

"Nice Ass"

[donugee]

user1:*enters chat room*
user2: *enters as well*

user2: i love you!
user1:k


Its happened before, ive seen it :/

[pranshee]

Best used on man-> girl, or man-> man.

How big is your penis? May I touchy?

[kayaspacejar]

Hi wanna see me masturbate?

[Ercoledi]

"Would there be any resistance if I asked to take you ohm?"

[ButlerBoy]

Hey, does this cloth smell like Chloroform to you?
Or
Hey, does this drink taste like Rohepnol to you?

[koots]

-'What would you do if 257 monkeys attacked you out of now where... just wondering.'
-'Hello'
- 'If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA helicose so I could unzip your genes'
- 'That space between your fingers are meant to be filled with mine'
-'If I tell you I love you can I keep you forever'
-'I can do that tongue thing with the cherry stem, just in case you're wondering'
-'You seem like a sweet person, may I lick you to find out?'
-'You make me feel like a pudgy, naked, winged child has shot me in my chest cavity'
-Hey beautiful

[Haggis McSpud]

You may not remember me but we've met before. I was the man behind you at the bus stop last Thursday, breathing heavy.

[lafuriaroja]

I was using this line on Halloween.

Me : "Who are you suppose to be?"

Club Whore : “ A princess”

Me: “My mistake, I thought you were Beyonce “

Club Whore: *blushes*

[xkittenxsocksx]

I've ran out of rohypnol but we can skip the chase.

[KinkyNinja]

1: Hey baby, you remind me of a rocking horse I got for Christmas once
2: Aw... How cute. In what way?
1: I could ride you aaaaaaallllll night.

[Lil_Miss_Hardcore]

A few i've heard

1)Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
2)Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
3)You make my software turn to hardware!
4)Do you like clocks? (Yes.) Put two hands and a face on this. (Point down)

Quite random but very amusing . Dont try these you will automatically get a slap >.<

[Hyperbole]

Im not sure if this has been said yet, but I was at a concert with my friend and his uncle. A woman walked by and he said,
"Hey, wanna get some pizza and fuck?"
She turned around and said, "What the fuck?"
He says, "What, you dont like pizza?"

Fucking Classic.

[pieceofmcdonalds]

If you were a Pokemon, I'd pick you.

[Lewis92]

Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to plant you right here!

[PossessedShoe]

I have three:
1) Did my pants shrink in the washing machine, or am I just happy to see you?
2) Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
3) Does this sleeve smell like chlorophorme?

:D!

[hoopymo]

My love for you is like diarrhea i just can't hold it in.

[Hats of!]

"I'm hetero, for you."

[KeyboardSpastic]

How do you like your eggs, fertilized or unfertilized?
Actually that's wrong. It goes more like
"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs?"
"Unfertilized" *walks off*

[HailCrest]

"Hey, baby, you're like the wind to me."
"Oh? *giggle* How so?"
"You're graceful, you're flexible, and most importantly, you blow."

"Hey. You know, my watch's pretty high-tech. It's psychic and tells what it knows telepathically to me."
"Oh? What's it saying now?"
"You're not wearing panties."
"Then your watch is faulty, 'cause I am wearing panties."
"Darn thing must be an hour fast. ;9"

[Garrity828]

So, how much do you charge per hour?

[El Travo]

I may not be a proctologist but I've been checking out your ass.

[SourChicken]

"I have some condoms in my car. Just kidding, I don't have a car. Or condoms.
Anyways, wanna get hot and sweaty?"

Works every time.

[xkittenxsocksx]

I condition my pubic hair. Come take a sniff.

[some n00b]

I'm level 80 on World Of Warcraft. Lets go to my place and pwn some noobs!

[Cyan]

I'm level 80 on World Of Warcraft. Lets go to my place and pwn some noobs!

My male cousin actually met a chick where that would almost work. It was at her house and somehow my cousin found out she played WoW. He said "Show me your WoW character." and they were gone for a good 15 minutes.

Nothing kinky happened, but if they had drank a bit more..

[raymond920]

Here's one i know:
I want to be a scientist, cause you are my lab.
And another one..
Are you made of chocolate? Cause you're so sweet.
Oh yeah and i almost forgot
If you were a booger you would be the 1st one i'd pick.

[HeroinMel]

If i had a dollar everytime i got
"So you're a red head.. Are you a fiery red head? :heya:"

It doesn't even matter what context you mean that in, you'll never find out, because using that line makes me never want to speak to you again.

[WoeStorm]

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Hey, does this cloth smell like Chloroform to you?

My favorite is, "Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

It's as if people don't even read the thread.

[JamesKPolk]

Was your father a raidboss? Because I could devastate you all night long.

(version which worked slightly worse: shield bash, revenge you all night long)

[Cakelord]

Someone actually used this one on someone. You put an arm around a person and if they push you away you say "Relax! I'll pay for the first abortion!". That guy got beaten up pretty badly.

[Cakelord]

My pubic hair has it's own theme song. Welcome to the jungle.

[SarcasticSmile]

My Mohawk was always a topic of conversation, the worst lines to stem from it were;
'Is it sharp? Let me poke you and you might find out.'
'I keep it in a fan to cool me down when a hottie like you turns up'
'Is it hard to keep up? It's easier with girls like you around'
'Careful love, you get much hotter you'll melt the wax'

I was readig the thread and I saw this.
Seriously, how can a girl even go start a conversation with a guy who as A MOHAWK?

I´ve never flirted much I don´t have much luck with ladies.
The best I ever came was:
"To make that drink cold around you, you need liquid nitrogen." (She didn´t gt much, she was blonde. Go figure.)
A girl asked me what I was doing on the weekend and I answered.
"You" (She laughed and it didn´t work):censored:

[SarcasticSmile]

You suck. You suck hardcore styles. I'M TALKING DOWNTOWN!
My "ROFLCOPTER" EXPLODED reading this one.

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[Snarfnbarf]

How much does polar bear weigh?

Enough to break the ice, i'm (insert name here)

[Siren]

OMG you men are scary * is scared * lol I have had some of these used on me but some of them are just to funny ! I would kick a man in his nuts for a few though lol!

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[macaronisheep]

"You know what would look good on you babe?"
"Whats that?"
"Me."