Change

[Grim]

Today in English class we had to make poems but we had to pretend we were an African American during the Harlem Renaissance (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harlem_Renaissance). And so here it is.

All day.
Every day.
Work in the morning.
Work in the evening.
Work at night.
Will it ever change?
Work while the white man laughs.
Work while the white man plays.
Work while the white man eats.
Will it ever change?

[Casalen]

A few points: think about your character more. Put yourself into the shoes of someone who has been the subject of racism all their lives, probably resulting in poor education, poor everything really. Even the place they live is the crap end of what the societal superiors get to enjoy. It's not even just work that makes it so bad, but everything they see every day, a reminder of how things are 'supposed to be'. Considering the struggle of this character, I ask you; why no mention of fried chicken or watermelon?

[Godly]

This is an actual good poem, cause it's saying something. It isn't just talking shit, it has a real issue to tell us about. The poem gives the character an emotion and a believability. So I actually like this poem. Now, does it need a whole thread for itself? Not really, I would have rather you posted more then one poem, especially if it's this short.

[Maserthous]

You could make this poem into a very short song

[timbot]

I just want to say this sounds like a ridiculous assignment. To try pretend that you're a black person living in Harlem in the 20's, and then to write a poem about it, is a recipe for failure. It also seems pretty pointless to me. Studying it is good, trying to emulate some of the style of the time is good, but to try to actually write as if you were one of the people of the time...it just doesn't work.
Your poem really seems to lack any feeling. I can't really blame you for that, though, because what do you know about the situation? Maybe your talked about it for a couple days in your English class?

[Mr. Crow]

I happen to be a black man living in Harlem during the '20s, and that poem is not at all representative of myself. :mad:

[timbot]

See, told you it was a terrible assignment. Now the "negroes" or is it "negros" from the 20's are gonna come after you.

[Rob]

That's awful.