Death is the only sure part of life.

[Derelict]

I found out roughly 30 minutes ago that a good friend of mine, Bevan Kirsch, passed away this morning. He wasn't sick at all, and as far as we know it wasn't something unnatural such as a car crash. Out of respect for the privacy of his family the details haven't been released and right now we don't know the specifics. All I know is one of my best friends is dead and I'm not sure what to say.

It sort of reminds me of when forumer Defero died. While I only knew Defero through explosm and we chatted on occasion through MSN, his passing still left a mark on me. I felt as though I'd lost a real friend and good companion. People would laugh at that (certainly not you folks, since it effected you as well) because I didn't actually know him, but here at explosm we interact more closely it feels. We create real bonds that when severed leave a lasting wound. So before commenting on the comparison, just know they're both friends.
Everyone on the planet has lost a friend, and I'm not acting like this is the first time it's ever happened but it's the first time it's happened to me.

I haven't had time to talk about it much with any friends since I'm still at school, but it'd be good to hear what you all have to say about these sorts of situations. Times in your life where you've been so stunned you're literally speechless, times when a loved one has left and the hole doesn't feel like it will ever fill.

Don't worry, though, I'm not pretending it's the end of the world. Life for the rest of us always goes on.

[The Fetus]

When my grandmother died. I was at the wee, naive age of twelve. She had a brain aneurysm and went to the hospital and she just kept having this blood vessels burst in her brain from there. My mom told my brother and I to come downstairs to tell us about her current state. I was thinking "Oh wow, another thing she'll tell me about how she had another aneurysm." Then we went downstairs and told us she was dead. I was devastated. It was just too weird to believe; mainly because she lived with us.

[Casalen]

It happens. Among other people, a friend of mine died while we were in high school, the day before I was leaving for an exciting trip across the country. Kind of messed up my week, but your last line pretty much says it all. As long as the person in question isn't closer than a friend, the rest of us keep going. And no, it never does fill, but you can accept that and deal with it as best you can. Eventually, sad to say, you get a bit more used to it.

[Pat]

Fortunately for me nobody directly related to me or friends of mine have died - so I've never been in that situation, although pets and shit die and I feel empty and sad after growing up with them. I'm sure this isn't compareable to your feelings but I am very sorry for your loss if you ever want someone to talk to - I can ;D

Yours Sincerly,

Forum noobie. (not a noob ;_;)

Ps: GET BACK TO WORK!

[Matterialize]

Actually, the closest I've ever come to feeling like that was when my hamster died. I've had lots of uncles and aunts pass away and I've been pretty much indifferent because I either didn't know them well or actually disliked them. The only sympathy I've felt about family / friend deaths is for other people who take it hard.

[Kwanza]

I can't say I've ever had a significant loss, similar to Matterialize's situation. Lots of relatives have passed away, but I never knew any of them well enough to feel anything other than a collective sadness for the family.

But, I guess the closest comparison would be the death of Steve Irwin. I grew up loving watching those shows with my parents, and still did as I got older. The day I found out he died doing what he loved, it was just shocking. I didn't know what to think, I tried to convince myself it was a joke, then it hit me. I was genuinely upset for a few days, and it still bothers me to think of it. Part of it was the whole message that he gave off, he was a true hero to me.

He didn't follow the stereotypical hero path that they're noble because they have to be, Steve died doing what he loved and did it because of only that. He came off as invincible, but he wasn't, and that struck me real deep.

[Derelict]

It happens. Among other people, a friend of mine died while we were in high school, the day before I was leaving for an exciting trip across the country. Kind of messed up my week, but your last line pretty much says it all. As long as the person in question isn't closer than a friend, the rest of us keep going. And no, it never does fill, but you can accept that and deal with it as best you can. Eventually, sad to say, you get a bit more used to it.

They say a student dies every year from each graduating class in the country (obviously there are exceptions) and I was really hoping this year would be different. To be honest this feels a lot different from when a family member dies. When my grandparents died I was sad and could be open about it with the rest of my family because they were all just as devastated, but now there are other people around me who knew him more or less and there's so many varied levels of emotion. I'm sad, but not crying. I'm not really a crying type, but I'm also not entirely opposed to it in an attempt to be manly or anything. I just don't deal with things like that, it doesn't help me. It's more so a state of shock that seems to continue. It's my graduating year and I guess friends dying is going to get more frequent. Might as well get used to it.

[MissRAWR]

My dad died when I was in 2nd grade. I didnt understand what had happened or what I was supposed to say or even why people were so distraught, because all my mom told us was that there was "an accident". So I never thought anything of it. I just remember my mom telling his parents, both of whom were at a loss for words (my grandma just cried and my grandfather almost passed out). I hate visiting the cemetery. I always have. I havent gone to a funeral since his, and I didnt even cry there. I didnt even go to my grandfather's funeral; I wanted nothing to do with the fact that he died. I just hate the sadness, ya know?

Death is an inevibility. I've believed for quite some time that the only sure thing about life is that it ends at some point. Call it existential, but it's the truth. Probably one of the worst things about someone dying, tho, is that you see the people that didnt know the person laughing and going about their business like nothing happened, and it sort of makes you feel like no one really cares because that's the only thing you think about.

[Niki]

My grandpa died on my fifth birthday, and I had to have a birthday party anyway because the invitations were already out and my parents spent money on it. I remember just holding on to my mom and crying the entire time because he was one of my best friends at the time. The worst part is he always promised he would take me on a train to Tennessee to see where he grew up and he never got the chance to. Even writing about it is making me want to cry. I know it wasn't the end of the world but it damn sure felt like it and it still does.

Also I cried when Mr. Rogers died. Shut up. :mad:

[Derelict]

My dad died when I was in 2nd grade. I didnt understand what had happened or what I was supposed to say or even why people were so distraught, because all my mom told us was that there was "an accident". So I never thought anything of it. I just remember my mom telling his parents, both of whom were at a loss for words (my grandma just cried and my grandfather almost passed out). I hate visiting the cemetery. I always have. I havent gone to a funeral since his, and I didnt even cry there. I didnt even go to my grandfather's funeral; I wanted nothing to do with the fact that he died. I just hate the sadness, ya know?

Death is an inevibility. I've believed for quite some time that the only sure thing about life is that it ends at some point. Call it existential, but it's the truth. Probably one of the worst things about someone dying, tho, is that you see the people that didnt know the person laughing and going about their business like nothing happened, and it sort of makes you feel like no one really cares because that's the only thing you think about.

Holy crap, that last part is exactly how I felt just now. I walked back into class and some more of my friends were laughing and joking around and I felt horrible.

[MissRAWR]

Holy crap, that last part is exactly how I felt just now. I walked back into class and some more of my friends were laughing and joking around and I felt horrible.

Aww :frown:
*huggle*

Yeah, it's pretty terrible. When I was a Junior in High School, we had this kid die and it felt like everyone in the Senior class knew him. He must've had 200+ people at his funeral, and people were getting school business for going. He was supposed to be front page in our yearbook, but someone else's parents "donated" like 5 grand to the Yearbook Staff or whatever to have their son kneeling on the football field instead of the dead kid's picture :mad:

[spaj]

Best friend's mother, about six years ago. She was having her gall bladder stones removed (a pretty simple operation) and overnight one of the doctors didn't realise they hadn't blocked some acidic leak flowing out of her intestines. She died the next morning because her blood stream was saturated with acidic liquid.

The horrible part is the feeling of guilt I had afterward. My mother always urged me to just go to the hospital and say hi to her but I was always too lazy to do it; I didn't see the point.

Death is entirely unjust and unfair sometimes. It's unjust for the people who love the deceased -- my mother has very unfairly had to deal with two of her best friends dying within the course of eight years or so (my friend's mother being one of them, the other one was a 51 year old doctor who died of cancer over a year ago). It's my biggest fear in life and I tense up whenever I hear of it.

[jewishjosh]

I always get creeped out when I hear about people my own age dying. I realize the cold reality that it can happen to anyone when you're least expecting it. I've only known one person my age who has died, and we were hardly close - I went to school with him about 8 years ago, never saw him again, and I heard he recently died of leukemia - but if it were anyone closer I'd find it really unsettling. I also knew his younger brother, I can't imagine what he must have gone through because it's the most unnatural feeling in the world.

I've never had anyone really close die. My dad's mom and stepdad have both died within the past year and a half, but I found it really easy to handle because they were old and their health was declining so we all knew it was coming, and I didn't see them a lot so it's not like we had a deep bond or anything. Although, my grandma's death kind of derailed a model UN weekend, so Casalen, I know what you mean. Even if it doesn't have a profound effect it's still, well, not what you'd normally have to deal with in your daily routine.

My best friend from elementary school's mom died last month after her second battle with cancer. He's dealing with it pretty well because he had time to come to terms with it before she passed away. My mom had been trying to invite his family over for dinner for a while, but every time we made plans his mom took a turn for the worse. I probably haven't seen his mom for at least a year, and now it's too late. It's too bad, and life does go on. It's easy for me to say that because it doesn't affect me personally in a big way, but I can see how hard it is to be in my friend's shoes and in spite of that he's handling it really well and maintaining a positive outlook.

[Cocktapus]

My friend was shot in the head last week. It really takes a death to realize how mortal we are.

[Oofie]

Sorry to hear that Dere :(

I agree with JewishJosh on this, it's such a shock when someone so young dies. I had a friend die of cancer a few months ago and the whole time I was totally convinced she'd just get better, even though I knew her condition was deteriorating and if she wanted to move from her bed she had to be in a wheelchair.


The horrible part is the feeling of guilt I had afterward. My mother always urged me to just go to the hospital and say hi to her but I was always too lazy to do it; I didn't see the point.

My uncle died (also cancer) quite recently and this happened to me. I didn't visit because when he was first admitted we thought everything was going to be ok, the doctors said he would more than likely be fine in a matter of months. But the hospital accidentally administered a double dose of some radiation treatment, so the only times I got to see him were when he was in a coma =/

[Desert]

When I was in 6th grade, there was this kid everyone knew because he always annoyed and picked on people. One day my parents woke up at like 5, when the news was on, and told me he died. I was shocked because the news gave out so many details. A crack addict killed his whole family with a hammer, and they showed pictures. :ahe:

Yeah, I'm sorry Derelict.

[junglebunny]

My aunt died and I was like whaaaaaat.

[Crabstick]

This may be as cliche as fuck, but it gets easier with time. As long as you got good strong memories you'll be fine.

[Cristo]

When my grandmother died. I was at the wee, naive age of twelve. She had a brain aneurysm

This happened to me last week. My first thought was "Fucking hell, talk about bad timing" since it was literally 2 days before my final exams started. My parents are currently in Denmark for the funeral, which was held yesterday.

It's weird, came as a bit of shock but I dealt with it well. I didn't cry or anything, and I knew it was coming since she'd been ill preceeding it - I just didn't expect for it to happen THAT quickly.

I didn't want to and couldn't go to the funeral, but I dislike funerals. Why mourn someone's passing, I much rather celebrate their living and their life - that's why I don't want anyone to be sad and come to my funeral because making people sad sucks dick, I'd rather have people just celebrated what a good life I had and the good memories. My grandmother will always live on within me in my memories, much like all the other family members that have died (including my 14 year old dog).

[Casalen]

There are a lot of posts of grandparents and the like, but it's not really the same when the life before hasn't been around long enough. Last week I went to a presentation on a media center at the high school (pretty nice one) and looked at one of the new classrooms. The instructor had put up a bunch of old senior class photos, including mine. My friend from the above post was in it, that was just a few weeks before. She looked young, energetic, all those things I remember. Those pictures really give a sense of getting through this stage of life and having much more ahead... for most people, at least. Quite the profound moment.

As for celebrating life: a member of a group I used to participate in died during an event. Subsequent events had memorials, one of which I attended. It was all celebratory, which is the best way to handle things like that. He also wasn't old enough to go, though he was definitely not young, either. The point being, again, that the best memorials and the like involve people laughing.

[CharlieH]

The only sympathy I've felt about family / friend deaths is for other people who take it hard.

I read the entire thread, but this certainly stuck out.

When my grandfather died, I took it all in my stride. I kept my head.

Until the cremation service, when i looked across at my mother, who was of course weeping heavily. I don't even know how to describe what i felt at that point, but I have no shame in admitting that my tears came out at that point.

[Levis_is_dead]

Well, my neighbours were killed inside the house some months ago, and it was terrible, in many many levels; they were my all-life neighbours, hard working inmigrants, they were old and worked so much. There are some cases where you should think about the kind of death and how it happened. What I mean is, if this person was accompanied, knew he/she was loved and did not suffer, for me that's really important when it comes to someone's death, the last minutes of life, that they didn't suck so much.

For me that's a great relief when I think of someone's death. That and remembering the good times, tho' it's hard the first few times you think about it.

Sadly, all the recently death experiences near me have been extremely agressive, and left too many people shattered.

[innerearth]

I have lost 3 close friends in 4 year period. One was Bi-polar and committed suicide, another got in a car accident, and the last was going to a methadone clinic trying to get clean and drank alcohol with the methadone (which is a really bad idea apparently.)

The last guy was my best friend since kindergarten. I was 22 when died.
It was about the same as losing a brother. I felt like crap for a long time.
Switching back and forth from anger to sadness, but when I look back now. I am just glad to have had a friend that had ment that much to me.

[Vactorette]

It's kind of weird, but there have been so many people around me that have died since I was little that there are only about four people that would make me cry if they died, and only one that I would be in absolute ruins about. I feel like I'm used to it and when i see someone else that's devastated, i get really nervous, like I should be crying too, only that I'm not sad :stone:

[jewishjosh]

The point being, again, that the best memorials and the like involve people laughing.
Every funeral I've ever been to feels more like a family reunion, and while it's a shame that we can't get the whole extended family together unless someone dies, it's always, dare I say it, fun. I had more first cousins at my grandma's funeral than at my bar mitzvah. As long as you're not close enough to the deceased to be deeply emotional, you get to talk and laugh with people you haven't seen for a while or whom you've never met. (Alcohol helps.) Jewish funerals are actually pretty awesome.

The only sympathy I've felt about family / friend deaths is for other people who take it hard.

This part jumped out at me too. I feel more sadness when I see others grieving than I do when I grieve. Kind of like how I feel joy when I see dog people going gaga over dogs even though I'm not a dog person at all.

[cptlol]

Closest loss I have ever had, which was very close, was my best friends girlfriend.
She got robbed with a fatal ending, tragically. I'm not sure if he ever got over it, it's been 2,5years.
She was like a sister to me, I cried on her cremation - which is weird since I almost never cry(not even on the funeral of my grandfather) - and it felt weird knowing she wasn't ~here~ any more.
My friend and I always lit a candle on special occasions for her, just so - IF there's an after life( which I don't believe) - she knows we haven't forgotten her.

Condolences for Bevan Kirsch,

Cptlol

P.s.
A pet passing away can be more hurtful than the passing away of a vague relative, in my opinion.

[Vin]

About two years ago, a group of us went out into town to celebrate finishing college for summer. We started off the night in a quiet local pub. At about Eight o clock, me and two friends walked a group of girls to the taxi rank round the corner where they were going to get a get a cab into town and meet us in a club later.

On the way back to the pub, the three of us were chatting and we went to cross the road. We checked it was safe; the lights were on red so we presumed no cars would come. In a split second a car came round the corner, ran through the red light and hit my mate. He flew into the air and landed head first on the bonnet of the car. The car screached to halt where he slid off the bonnet and down the road for about 20yards. The car reversed and drove off.

Me and my other friend were speechless, we ran over to check he was ok, but he wasn't moving. I phoned an ambulance, which arrived within two minutes as luckily there was a hospital nearby. My friend was admitted to hospital with serious head injuries. Medics then discovered he had bleeding on his brain and he was immediately transferred to a specialist institute on the other side of town. He never recovered after 6 weeks in hospital in a coma.

I later found out that the man driving the car, after the police had discovered who he was from the torched remains of the vehicle, was an illegal immigrant transporting drugs for the local ganglord.

That was a bad time. I've felt sad about it, but I've never cried or anything like that. I felt quite guilty really at his funeral because I didn't feel as grieved as some of the other attendees looked.

[Gratisgulasch]

Two years ago my grandpa died. I really liked him, he was such a cheerful person. He's fought in WWII, lost a hand and had a quite terrible wife, but still he was always smiling, always telling fun stories and never talked about the bad things in life.

One week before his death my girlfriend left me and I regret it to this day that I've shed more tears over the end of this relationship than over his death. Although I really loved her, I feel like an idiot because of that today. Like I didn't care about my grandpa or so.

But this thread is not about me. Although I don't know you, I'm honestly sorry for you loss, derelict. I can't imagine how it would be if I lost some of my close friends. All I can tell you is that working up tragedies in whatever way always helped me. Just take your time.

(Jeez, this posting took me some time to write...)

[Gryphon]

2 years ago a friend of mine died in a car crash. He was speeding down a road, tried to avoid hitting a possum (we know this cause he ended up hitting the possum anyways) and hit a ditch that acted like a ramp and he smashed into a telephone pole and was announced dead at the scene. We weren't best friends or anything, he was older, but he was one of those guys who got along with everyone, you know? Nobody hated him. I know that's always said about people who have recently passed away, but I mean it when I say not one person hated him. It took everyone a long time to get used to it. I went to the viewing, the funeral, and the burial. It wasn't a fun time at all.

Stay strong buddy, sorry to hear about your loss.

[Spiffy13]

When my cat died, who I had for my entire life before that, I was just... I can't even explain the feeling I had - it was just terrible. At first I really was just stunned and laid down thinking of memories, and I eventually fell asleep. When I woke up is when it really kicked in, and I began crying.

I also had that stunned feeling of sadness when celebrities like Chris Benoit, Eddie Gurrerro, Steve Irwin, and Heath Ledger died.

[Casalen]

Nobody hated him. I know that's always said about people who have recently passed away

One of the kids that died in the same crash my friend did was an asshole. Most people were annoyed by him at best. Had his good points on occasion, but certainly no saint.

[Marijuana]

I'd like to reply with a great quote.

"Somebody is not dead, untill he is forgotten."

[Derelict]

Just found out Bevan shot himself in the head on Friday morning. No one knew he was depressed.

[Gilligan]

Just found out Bevan shot himself in the head on Friday morning. No one knew he was depressed.
He was a teenager, of course he was depressed. Every normal person was depressed as a teenager.
My mind's on a tangent, and I'm getting pissed off. Fuck this shit.
The General Forum sucks donkey dick. You fucking fuckers. I'm going back to the spame.
I'd like to reply with a great quote.

"Somebody is not dead, untill he is forgotten."
And shut the fuck up, Marijuana. You're trying I know, but you're failing so much. I'm sorry. Stop trying so hard.

[Niki]

Yeah every normal teenager gets depressed but not bad enough to put a bullet in their head.

[Uncle]

Just found out Bevan shot himself in the head on Friday morning. No one knew he was depressed.

I'm Bevans uncle, and love him and always will love him, this all saddens me even now as I type this, he is a wonderful young man. My memories of my nephew are great and will never be tarnished no matter what may have been the cause of his death. He had a genuine heart that was giving and he never wanted to be a burden to anyone, he was kind and pleasant to be around full of life. None of us can comprehend his thoughts, on how his life played out to this kind of end, that this would be the day he would perish. Only God and Bevan truly know the answer of what was in his mind or how it went down, but the fact remains he is loved and will always be loved he is still Bevan the only thing that has changed is that he is no longer with us. It is okay to be angry, confused, hurt and sad, these are things that make us human we are not animals that devour and then keep going on like nothing happened. Our feelings set us apart from everything and everyone. Even the people that slam or say rude things are they themselves expressing a feeling that still shows human compassion. This shows they are bothered by something, that an action or someone has made enough impression on them that they act out. A person with no expression or opinion is one that is equal to an animal. Bevan has impacted 100's of lives and we collectively mourn for his passing. I find myself crying and that is okay. I can't help but think of his last moments, was he coherent or overtaken by some overwhelming anguish I feel for him and wish I could have carried that burden for him. We need to lift up our friends and family in their time and need. We need to put aside pride and being tough and cool and show compassion by listening and speaking caringly. We need to act on things that are said and be accountable to eachother, help eachother when we know other need it. Ingnorance is not bliss it pure greed and selfishness. It puts ones self on a pedistal stooled by stepping on the backs of others. On Friday I will be with him and with his mom & dad and his brothers to celebrate who he is. He will continue to be part our lives even though phsically he won't be with us. We will remember him for who he is, not for what has happened. We are all sad, don't let others tell you how to react but be true to yourselves. Fake and tough exteriors are only ways of destroying ourselves from the inside out, no one is as tough as they make out. We all have a something the makes us vulnerable. Thanks for sharing your feelings Derelict I appreciate it.

[yapperface]

I'm Bevan's friend from way back, we go back to 4th grade and didn't stop hanging out until recently. I still can't believe what has happened. I too will be at the service on Friday and I will pay my respects with the rest.

I have to keep reminding myself that the happiest person I've ever known killed himself.

My condolences to his mom, his dad, his brothers T & N, and the rest of his family.

[Assassin]

I'm horrible when it comes to death. Someone my friends knew hung himself this week. He hung himself because he wanted to "feel what it's like to be hung". When I heard it I burst out laughing, even though I knew they were upset about it.

Months ago a female friend of mine's ex boyfriend had tried to commit suicide by jumping of a cliff, because he "couldn't live without her" even though they were together for 2 weeks. I burst out laughing too.

2 months ago a couple friends from school were telling that someone they knew had thrown himself under a car and was dead, and again I burst out laughing.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to look like a "badass that laughs in the face of death and has no emotions hell yeah :cool:", I always feel pretty horrible when I laugh, I don't do it on purpose. I think it has something to do with that I don't know how to handle with deaths or something, I don't know. If I'm honest, I do find it funny, that suicide attempt from cliffboy was pretty hilarious.

I'm sorry for your loss Dere, it must be horrible to lose a good friend like that

PS: my mother attempted to commit suicide a couple months ago.

[PyroOwned]

I'm horrible when it comes to death. Someone my friends knew hung himself this week. He hung himself because he wanted to "feel what it's like to be hung". When I heard it I burst out laughing, even though I knew they were upset about it.

Months ago a female friend of mine's ex boyfriend had tried to commit suicide by jumping of a cliff, because he "couldn't live without her" even though they were together for 2 weeks. I burst out laughing too.

2 months ago a couple friends from school were telling that someone they knew had thrown himself under a car and was dead, and again I burst out laughing.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to look like a "badass that laughs in the face of death and has no emotions hell yeah :cool:", I always feel pretty horrible when I laugh, I don't do it on purpose. I think it has something to do with that I don't know how to handle with deaths or something, I don't know. If I'm honest, I do find it funny, that suicide attempt from cliffboy was pretty hilarious.

I'm sorry for your loss Dere, it must be horrible to lose a good friend like that

PS: my mother attempted to commit suicide a couple months ago.
I find some deaths humourously ironic as well, but I feel terrible for hours afterwards, even cried about it.

My mum works with terminally ill children's families, and she's always out because she's at funerals or counselling a mourning family. She laughs death in the face, really.

Also, my Nan actually PLANNED her own funeral, a couple of months ago. She's pretty alive and well at the moment, but she has a pacemaker and stuff, even a metal hip. I'll be really upset when she dies. :frown:

[Casalen]

I'd like to reply with a great quote.

"Somebody is not dead, untill he is forgotten."

Wow, that was really lame. Seriously. I mean, I depressed myself in and was depressed by this thread, but nothing compared to reading something lame like that. Thanks for putting it in perspective.

Some deaths do have a humorous aspect to them and it's important to be able to see that... just not out loud and around people who aren't at that stage yet.

[Cristo]

I'm horrible when it comes to death. Someone my friends knew hung himself this week. He hung himself because he wanted to "feel what it's like to be hung". When I heard it I burst out laughing, even though I knew they were upset about it.

Months ago a female friend of mine's ex boyfriend had tried to commit suicide by jumping of a cliff, because he "couldn't live without her" even though they were together for 2 weeks. I burst out laughing too.

2 months ago a couple friends from school were telling that someone they knew had thrown himself under a car and was dead, and again I burst out laughing.


Shit I'm like that too Assassin, and then I get some weird looks (usually someone else will see the funny part in it) but that's just how we deal with it. I've also found that usually the only other people who find things like that funny, are people who frequent the internet - as in enough to know what n00b means and what 4chan is. I guess the internet does desensitize us somewhat.

[Pieman]

I've had my fair share of deaths, but being young rarely did they affect me.

When I was 7 and my brother was turning 9 we decided to throw a party. We spent a few days planning it, and it was a fairly large one for someone so young. We lived on this really busy street so it was a really bad idea to play soccer out the front. The ball (My ball infact) got kicked across the road, so our friend William decided to get it for us. He was one of those nice guys who befriended everyone and had a good sense of humour.

Hit and run, he died the next day in hospital. The assholes at the media tried to turn it into it being my parents fault, though I've always felt responsible. Minutes before it me and my friend Ryan were playing Mortal Kombat 4 inside, when my mum asked him specifically if he wanted to play. I protested of course, being a selfish brat. So he just took it with a smile and went outside to play soccer.

We never found the driver, nor had a chance to visit him. I wasn't even allowed to go to the funeral (Even though my cousin who had never met him was) so I kinda just bottled it up.

Fast forward to only 2 years ago. My nan had been in the hospital on and off for the past few months. She was 83 and really healthy. She was my favourite relative, and the bond was even closer then usual seeing as how she lived with us. Always smiling and laughing. She was in the hospital for a few days because of that. We visited her daily, and I always felt really bad afterward. She ended up going blind and began losing parts of her memory.

She started talking to my mum and addressing her as my grandfather, who's been dead for 20 years. One day my mum picks me up from school and everyone in the car was crying. I started crying before they even told me. I've never really gotten over it.

Those two were the only ones that really got to me. Other than that I'm pretty desensitized to death.

I saw you guys talking about laughing after death, and thats pretty reasonable in the situations you mentioned. Though it reminded me of my friend who died in year 8 because of leukemia. Only seconds after the announcement people all around me were making jokes about it. Even 3 of my closer friends started laughing and going "Well I that coming HAHAHA".

Naturally I protested this, and we got into a big argument about it. Their only argument was "She was a real bitch about it." She was really bitchy when we saw her a year into chemo. Personally I thought it was pretty reasonable to be bitchy when they're pumping you with poison to cure your cancer. They of course didn't believe me and just acted like general assholes.

So theres my life story. I realised in the read through that I made it seem really dramatic and stuff. Some sort of wierd writing quirk?

[Hunnter]

Just like Matt said, i don't really get "sad" at people dying.
Shit happens, sadly. DNA gets screwed up, cells replicate with that screwed up DNA, there is aging for you.
Any million possible things could go wrong, could be anything, could be something as tiny as a neuron(s) screwing up that controlled heart beats.

I do feel slightly horrible for not feeling sad when others are crying their eyes out over death.
<genericemo>Life is sadder to be honest... </genericemo>

Sadly for now, death will be an eventuality for most of us, if not all.
If nothing died, it would be even more hellish than life now because there would be wars over resources many times worse than any wars we have had in the past.

Sorry to hear this though, damn shame when younger people die more than anything.

[alo81]

I'm horrible when it comes to death. Someone my friends knew hung himself this week. He hung himself because he wanted to "feel what it's like to be hung". When I heard it I burst out laughing, even though I knew they were upset about it.

Months ago a female friend of mine's ex boyfriend had tried to commit suicide by jumping of a cliff, because he "couldn't live without her" even though they were together for 2 weeks. I burst out laughing too.

2 months ago a couple friends from school were telling that someone they knew had thrown himself under a car and was dead, and again I burst out laughing.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to look like a "badass that laughs in the face of death and has no emotions hell yeah :cool:", I always feel pretty horrible when I laugh, I don't do it on purpose. I think it has something to do with that I don't know how to handle with deaths or something, I don't know. If I'm honest, I do find it funny, that suicide attempt from cliffboy was pretty hilarious.

I'm sorry for your loss Dere, it must be horrible to lose a good friend like that

PS: my mother attempted to commit suicide a couple months ago.


The same exact thing happened with me. One of my close friends came to school and was really depressed. Im usually like very caring with her and when she feels sad it kinda gets to me but then she told me that her uncle died, there was no humor in it at all just he died in a car crash and i dont know why but suddenly i got a smile and i had to chuckle. My girlfriend was right next to me and saw me smile and like holding back the chuckle and was mad at me for a couple days from it. I dont know why but it just made me have a little laugh and i felt horrible for it. I just thought i was the most terrible person in the world.

[Valentine55]

My grandad died when i was about 7. I remember going to the funeral but not crying. I guess i don't get that much sad when people die. Like what hunnter said

[Mirrorman]

My granddad died when I was 6. He was really great, always taking care of me and getting me stuff and stuff really fun grandfathers do. We played alot and he was pretty much my greatest friend at the time.
But because I was only 6, I really didn't mourn. I was pretty much like:" Oh he's dead, thats sad". It's really weird, but thinking of that 10 years later makes me really sad even though at that time I didn't understand it and just let it fly past me.

[Graft]

I didn't bother to read the other replies so sorry if I repeat.

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I'll probably be a dick about most things on the forum, but this can't be one. As you said, we've all lost someone. And it's the shittiest feeling in the world. Just remember the good times, and when he was happy, and the shit will fade. You'll always remember him, but it'll get easier. Hope you're doin okay.

P.S. I haven't been around in a couple of years. Could anyone fill me in on the Defero story? I saw that and I'm in a bit of a shocked state right now. That's some crazy shit.

[KeyboardSpastic]

A pet passing away can be more hurtful than the passing away of a vague relative, in my opinion.
I completely agree with you here. When I had to put down my dog just recently, I was just speechless. My yiayia (grandmother) passed away in January and that was really fucking hard, but when my dog died it was just so, so much different. Every day I would open the door for my dog, give her a scratch on the tummy, and everything else loving owners do. Then the day comes, and shes not here anymore. Its just so surreal, indescribable. Even thinking about her now makes me miss her. She was very old and sick, and it was for the best - but it still hurt . Anyone on this here whos lost a pet, especially an old one, knows how I felt.
My Condolences, Derelict.

[Nift]

Sorry about your friend. I can't pretend to know what it feels like to lose your best friend because the only relevant deaths in my life have been extended family members who I wasn't close to.

Don't take an impassive attitude towards it. The end of your post makes it sound like you've got the idea that you need to hold back emotionally, and the truth is that when all is said and done there's a good chance this will be one of the more serious events in your life.

[jewishjosh]

Shit I'm like that too Assassin, and then I get some weird looks (usually someone else will see the funny part in it) but that's just how we deal with it. I've also found that usually the only other people who find things like that funny, are people who frequent the internet - as in enough to know what n00b means and what 4chan is. I guess the internet does desensitize us somewhat.

I don't think it's the internet. Everyone laughs when they're dealing with overwhelming sudden emotions and they don't know how to react in the heat of the moment. It's a natural reflex. I've seen lots of different people relieve awkward intense tension with an impulsive laugh in many different situations, not just when it comes to death.

[Derelict]

I'm Bevans uncle, and love him and always will love him, this all saddens me even now as I type this, he is a wonderful young man. My memories of my nephew are great and will never be tarnished no matter what may have been the cause of his death. He had a genuine heart that was giving and he never wanted to be a burden to anyone, he was kind and pleasant to be around full of life. None of us can comprehend his thoughts, on how his life played out to this kind of end, that this would be the day he would perish. Only God and Bevan truly know the answer of what was in his mind or how it went down, but the fact remains he is loved and will always be loved he is still Bevan the only thing that has changed is that he is no longer with us. It is okay to be angry, confused, hurt and sad, these are things that make us human we are not animals that devour and then keep going on like nothing happened. Our feelings set us apart from everything and everyone. Even the people that slam or say rude things are they themselves expressing a feeling that still shows human compassion. This shows they are bothered by something, that an action or someone has made enough impression on them that they act out. A person with no expression or opinion is one that is equal to an animal. Bevan has impacted 100's of lives and we collectively mourn for his passing. I find myself crying and that is okay. I can't help but think of his last moments, was he coherent or overtaken by some overwhelming anguish I feel for him and wish I could have carried that burden for him. We need to lift up our friends and family in their time and need. We need to put aside pride and being tough and cool and show compassion by listening and speaking caringly. We need to act on things that are said and be accountable to eachother, help eachother when we know other need it. Ingnorance is not bliss it pure greed and selfishness. It puts ones self on a pedistal stooled by stepping on the backs of others. On Friday I will be with him and with his mom & dad and his brothers to celebrate who he is. He will continue to be part our lives even though phsically he won't be with us. We will remember him for who he is, not for what has happened. We are all sad, don't let others tell you how to react but be true to yourselves. Fake and tough exteriors are only ways of destroying ourselves from the inside out, no one is as tough as they make out. We all have a something the makes us vulnerable. Thanks for sharing your feelings Derelict I appreciate it.

Thanks for taking the time to write here. My name is Ryan Kasdorf, and I'll definitely be at his service on Friday. I'll make sure to take the time and pay my respects you you and the rest of his family.

[Kwashi13]

No one I've really known has died - and I pray pray pray they don't before their times. All my friends are now much much older than me, and they're very close to my heart.
I don't really know what to say except that we can only hope their souls have reached safe to somewhere better than what life here could've been.

[Salmoness]

The only sympathy I've felt about family / friend deaths is for other people who take it hard.

Like many people have said, this is the really upsetting part of death. I was relatively good friends with a boy whose twin died in a drunken driving accident and although I wasn't affected by the death at all, it was really painful to see his brother suffering on such a level. The thing about death is, even if you can empathize, there is absolutely nothing that can be said or done to make those affected feel better. Its that helplessness that gets to me.

[nicktheh]

I really feel for you all. I've had both my Grandad's pass away and my best friends sister was killed in an accident. While it's true that death is the only thing that's for sure you also have to enjoy life while you can :) always the optimist i am :D

[natalie137]

My cousin died 3 years ago. She had an epiletic fit and banged her head. She was in her early twenties, and had just started working as a teacher. She was my role model, it really shook me when I found out she died. My parents wouldn't let me go to the funeral because we weren't actually that close and they didn't know what she meant to me, so I suppose I never really got closure.

[Bosskid]

Life for the rest of us always goes on.

One death is a tragedy. One Million deaths is a statistic.

[Cristo]

That's especially true, Bosskid, when it's someone you don't know.

I'm pretty sure the vast majority of us here don't actually care about each others losses, we just give the same old automated response of "Oh I'm so sorry X, are you OK?". Sure, we're not dicks, assholes or pussies, but it's just hard to feel something for someone you didn't know.

Or is that just me?

[Prankenberry]

Derelic,

I feel for you man, I've lost me a lot of friends in my life. Mostly due to bad choices they have made. Outside of my family, the one that touches me the most, was my friend Jason. We were thick as theives in high school, if you saw him you saw me. After I left for the military he got into a jam with a local drug dealer over a couple dime bags, and my buddy was killed in a drive by. The thing that tore me up the most, was knowing that had I been there I too probably would have been dead, or it wouldn't have happened because I always had a way of keeping Jason from getting into trouble.

The pain your feeling is like that of a deep cut, it will hurt less over time, and you won't even think about it. But it will leave a scar, and one that will remind you of the good times, and the bad times. If you need anything send me a message, I'm online allot lately because I'm off with a broken hand.

[JonC]

That's a shame Derry, sorry to hear that. I haven't had many deaths in my family, just four I can actually recall. My grandpa on my mom's side, and my grandma and grandpa from my dad's side, and my great uncle. Well, I didn't cry at any of the funeral services. I was sad, but I never cried. I don't know if it is actually due to me not being able to, or if I subconsciencely think I should try to be the stronger one, I don't know. But, I hate to say this, I think my grandmother on my dad's side passing upset me the most in the long run.

Mainly because whenever I'd visit I would always tell her I'd visit her more often when I got a car and my license, and I wanted her to go to my high school graduation. Well, she died in February of 2006 and not until I graduated I realized all of this, and thats when it actually upset me. She never got to see me graduate, and I never had a chance to visit her on my own. It still bothers me a bit to this day. I sometimes think waht bothers me the most is the fact I'm not even sure where she's buried and the exact date.

Keep your head up Derry.

[CnGy]

The only sympathy I've felt about family / friend deaths is for other people who take it hard.

Same. I don't really feel bad. But seeing other people feel bad...makes me feel REEAL bad. :(

<3 derelict. Always remember him/her, but don't let the loss ruin you. He/she probably would not have wanted that. Or some other gay cliché shit like that.

Death sucks.

[Pyro]

I'd like to think that when any more serious deaths come, as they're inevitable, I'll be able to look upon it differently than I have looked upon death until now. To take it as it is, inevitable.

[Navi]

Depressing! Well I've almost died if that counts? Six months in the M.A.Y.O clinic! woot. The only thing that sucks was I missed my whole 8th grade year, well and almost dying...hm.

[Infinity]

My mom committed suicide not even a year ago. She had sufferred from depression since she was 13. Depression kills people, its a disease as formidable as any other disease.

[thisiswhoiam]

Both my grandparents passed away on January 29th 2008. They got in a car crash. I came home from church camp and went home. My dad told me and I dropped my bags and brokeout in tears. I dealt with it alot better than I would of if I didn't go to the camp because we talked about how death and everything else happens for a reason and is inevitabl and you must accept it, forgive, and move on.

[Kailtirasleen]

I've only had two deaths occur ever. My orange kitty named Desmond was hit by a car... saw him on the way to school. That was sad. I cried a little.

My grandma had a stroke and lost the ability to talk but instead could just make "duu du duuu" sounds. She was also in a wheel chair. She is currently on top of the bookcase in our front room. We like to joke about it, even if it's a bit morbid. I wasn't very close to her, it seemed like she wasn't very nice to me. So... I didn't really care.

I've never been to a funeral, or anything death related because we have a small family and no one ever dies. Ever.

Then again, i'm the kind of person who bottles things up. The kind of person that won't let themselves feel loss or grief. They feel it's not worth it, while they could be living in the past. People die, so what? More room on the planet for me. Unless they are taking up space in my cemeteries.

I've always, for some reason, liked to visit cemeteries. They're usually always kept so beautiful and I can almost feel the history there. It's so quiet and peaceful. No one ever wants to go to cemeteries with me. :(

[whangadude]

Death just sucks, but there is nothing you can do about it, the rest of us need to keep on living. My girlfriend hung herself four months ago, I was completly broken by it and everything but eventualy I've got over it, but it still is not nice to think about our own mortality, its scary to think. And just today a friend of mine had a car crash and has lost his legs, all of my mates have been laughing about it, even though its completly ruined his life, but atleast he didnt die. Death scares me though, becouse this is all there is, I think loosing my girlfriend is what helped me become an athiest and just love life and live it to the full, and just live in hope I day someday far away.

[Trevorp1594]

No-one very close to me has ever died. So I can't really even comprehend this pain. The closest person to me who has died would be my aunty tony (short for antoinette). When she died something like a year ago, all I said was "alright". I didn't go to her funeral, I did nothing. Only after about 6 weeks after did I realize that she actually died, we would never see her again. No more of her coming over for thanksgiving dinners, no more christmas' with her, nothing. I was at school when this hit me and was depressed like the entire day. When kids asked what was wrong I told them and they just walked away (except the girls they stopped and said "ohhh Im so sad" and one kissed me on the cheek) but when I got home I just layed down on my bed. I then walked over to the apartment building she used to live at, stopped in front of the door to her old apartment, and said "bye aunty tony, I'll miss you". And I felt a chill go down my back, and could have sworn I heard "it's alright" from someone, but no-one was there..

[Cristo]

I forgot to mention that actually, just before my gran died my cousins wife died as well, with maybe 2 weeks difference.

Yeah, pretty intense my mum had to go to both funerals.

Also, you forgot taxes to be fair. They're also a sure part of life.

[Derelict]

Also, you forgot taxes to be fair. They're also a sure part of life.

Not if you're First Nations.

[Lush]

Weird that I haven't been back to this forum for like 6 months, and then today I do and this thread is here..
A friend I've known for about 5 years died on Tuesday night. It's so surreal because I saw him on Friday, and he was having a good time playing slo pitch and having beers with us. He for some reason was driving out of the city, and wound up rolling his truck, and it just happened there was a slough and his truck rolled into it and he died.
My good friend Jen went out to where he died yesterday and she said there are pieces of his truck lying around but no skid marks or anything.
Life is fucked up.

[Duece]

I'm not going to pretend to know what I'm talking about, but I sorely disagree with the whole death sucks and life blows routine. I feel for you bro, but it's unfair to say that death is the only certain thing in life. If you look at it that way, there are other guarantees in life, like loneliness and depression. My brother and two sisters have been hosipitalized for suicide nearly 3 times each, Brother almost had his arms amputated. A few of my friends have died, no matter how close, i never feel bad for them.I feel more for the pain their close partners in life feel(Family, pets, Etc.).

So sorry for all your guys losses , and gals? Worse than me i suppose, but I don't really agree with the pansy bullshit.

[Pieman]

Death is certain and unavoidable, loneliness and depression aren't.

And pansy bullshit? How is knowing death is certain, and feeling bad for people who've died pansy bullshit? Unless you BAAAAAAAW for the next ten years, its not pansy bullshit. Its called 'Humanity'.

This rule doesn't apply to John Travolta. He's a robot.

[Niki]

Death is certain and unavoidable, loneliness and depression aren't.

And pansy bullshit? How is knowing death is certain, and feeling bad for people who've died pansy bullshit? Unless you BAAAAAAAW for the next ten years, its not pansy bullshit. Its called 'Humanity'.

This rule doesn't apply to John Travolta. He's a robot.

It's been twelve years and I still can't look at a picture of my grandpa or listen to Johnny Cash without sobbing. I think it really does depend on how close you were to the person.

[Pieman]

I was actually talking about the people who can't live a normal life because of the death. IE; Constantly breaking down, unable to move one. Those people. They're the pansy bullshitters (Though there are a few exceptions).

[Asdf]

I had a girlfriend in grade 5, and she got a flu, she wasn't at school for about 2 weeks. We were told she was in the hospital, and a week later, the principal came up to our class and told us she died. She wasn't really that strong when it came to illnesses, like if she got a head cold it would turn into a flu, and she wouldn't be at school for a week, etc. But I was devastated, and I stayed at home for the next week, until the memorial at school. After that, I've had lots of friends die, and I guess I just got over it, I knew they weren't coming back, and I just took the blow. Now, when I get told a relative died, I let it sink in and I'm not sad as much as I would've been in like grade 7, I just absorb it now.

[phaedre]

It's ironic that after almost a year of not being on explosm, this is the first thread that catches my eye. Today is the one year anniversary of my ex Tyler's death, the one a lot of you knew and loved as Defero.

For me, this was a way to feel close to him, since god knows he spent so much of his last few months on here! I miss him every single day, and I think his loss will always be a painful little twinge in my mind and heart as long as I live, but as much as I hate letting myself see any possible good coming of such a tragic death, I really do savor my relationships more with the ppl I love.
I don't remember who said it, but someone mentioned that the real tragedy is the loved ones left behind to mourn, and it's true. Not only do I not take for granted my friends, family and boyfriend, but I'm also less reckless with my own life. It's so short, and it shouldn't be spent tiptoeing around being terrified of everything, but it's also too short to take stupid risks in traffic out of pride or anger, to load your body up with more drugs than it can handle, that sort of thing. Even if we feel invincible, there are people who would never be the same if they lost us.

[TangerineOrange]

My grandfather died my freshman year in high school. He'd been sick for awhile and over Christmas break, he died.

In 7th grade, a friend of mine killed themselves by shooting themselves.

My freshman year of college, a classmate was killed in a car accident. There was also a suicide that year.

My sophomore year of college, there was a suicide that fall. He killed himself in his parents' bathroom with pills, I believe. Within a month of that, the girl that lived directly below me in the dorms hung herself. Her roommate was the one that found her.