New lyrics (43 souls)

[realitalianice]

Noon on a Sunday evening
People walking down street
Crying and mourning their loses
And someone screams how can she be dead

Floating down the afternoon
Forty feet marching off to war
Angles come down to take them
And someone says I can’t believe they’re dead

The drugs take over his mind
He says one more and that’s it
In the morning they fond him on the flood
And someone asked is he dead

Gun shot head down the way
People running in fear
He never saw it coming right to him
And someone cries out he is dead

43 souls lost on that day
Tears fill their families eyes
But no one outside seems to care
No one can see there all dead

I think this my best work and I hope you can help me work it

[MetroGnome]

Firstly, what genre is it? I can't really see it fitting with any melodic song type as each line varies in length. If you have written the melody and know how it's sung, then that's ok, but the lyrics by themselves don't flow too well.

I see it as more of a rap. =/

If you keep the rhythm/feel of each verse similar (although not identical), it will become more shapely as a song. For example, you could have the first line with 4 syllables, the second with 5 syllables etc. Also, you may want to consider a chorus which ties the theme together, and rhyming lyrics. Even though they can seem forced, it makes it flow much better and people will be more inclined to keep listening/sing along.

Other than that, the idea/theme of the song is great. I wish you all the best! Keep at it!