Dave
08-30-2007, 5:05 PM
So as my computing science finals have been looming ever closer, I've been looking for new ways to distract myself from revision that I should be doing. I figure that I don't need to do much revision since I recently recieved a phonecall from the local planetarium, informing me that my brainwaves are actually altering the axis of the planet. As you can see I've got a lot of time to kill.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo1.jpg Anyway, a few nights ago I sat in front of my computer scratching my nuts instead of reading about the Fetch/Execute cycle when someone suggested that I check out a thing called Habbo Hotel. Further investigation proved intruiging; Habbo Hotel is essentially a chatroom, only a lot more advanced. This thing actually allows you to create your own visual likeness of yourself and then make your way around a 2D gameworld meeting and interacting with other players. I'm not the biggest fan of chatrooms (somewhere between eating a dog-hair brush and putting my penis in a pencil sharpener on the to-do scale of things), but I decided that this thing was unique and gimmicky enough to warrant it a little curious attention.
First things first, I had to create a visual likeness of myself so that I could wander around this joint. A character that represents me. A character that slaps people in the face and makes them go "HOLY SHITZNIZZLE!!! DATZ COOL YO" when he walks into the room. Not only that, I needed a moniker that reflected my awesomeness. It was settled inside my head. A messiah was born:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo2.jpg
Meet MagicalDave.
Lets face it- I am magical. More magical than Santa's sack. MagicalDave is awesome, as soon as I immersed myself in this world and became this character, I walked through those hotel doors and immediately searched for some natural surroundings. A new habbo was in town.
[MORE]
As soon as I reached the bar I was confronted by some girl asking me for an "a/s/l." Becoming quickly frustrated because she was between me and beer, I opened a WHOLE CAN OF VERBAL WHOOPASS on her and she ran away. MagicalDave had now started to act like me as well.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo3.jpg http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo4.jpg http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo5.jpg
After a while it was pretty clear to me that I wasn't fitting in. MagicalDave wasn't really not following the habbo way anymore, what with his now permanent scowl and general tendency to snap at anyone who came near. Bold letters signifying his pixellated fury. Before long the barman (who incidentally was dressed like a rabbit) had had enough of my violent slurrs, and kicked me from the room. Bad move rabbit-boy, I'll find you again when you're asleep. Mark my words.
[PAGE]
Upset and humiliated by my actions in the bar, I decided that the main thing missing in my new online existence was someone to share it with. MagicalDave was now on the hunt for love. I immediately did a search for relevant rooms and found the perfect place, apply titled "<3 boyz kiss gurls <3." I'm guaranteed action in a place with a name like that! I put on my best cyber-cologne and walked on in.
The first thing that hit me was the musty smell of sex and tension. There was a crusty bed and a lot of hormones flying around. Two girls instantly walked up to me;
"hi asl ur kinda se.xy :d"
"lool hey u look fun"
I replied in the only way I could.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo6.jpg Suddenly, almost in unison, they started to bicker. "Me first!" "No, me first bitch!!" These chicks were clawing at each other for possession of my masculine passion. You can't blame them for wanting to tear each other apart, but alas- I had to choose one. Its always hard to disappoint but it has to be done. One of them had to go, and so I chose the chick in blue. Mady-Ally walked away slowly, heart in shatters.
On a temporarily serious note, from what I've seen so far this kind of stuff happens all the time on Habbo Hotel. The users get seriously caught up about a bunch of pixels on screen. Some of them literally live their love lives on this godforsaken computer program. During my short-lived stay on this thing I've witnessed people cry over one another, two-time each other and get seriously upset about it. I've watched a thousand cyber-hearts shatter and a thousand more swell. Tragic love stories a-plenty, and I could go on and on. It makes for interesting viewing at least, although my sense of pity is exhausted.
Anyway, after a little chit-chat ("a/s/l?") me and the other chick went back to her room. She decided to go and get changed whilst I waited in her lavishly-decorated boudois. When I say lavishly-decorated I really mean bare as hell. There wasn't even a damn bed. I know its a good thing to tidy your house when you're expecting guests but damn. Anyway, when she returned in a revealing, sensual pink top she popped the question MagicalDave was working towards all night:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo7.jpg
Score!
I'd pulled. Now that I'd gotten laid and was a hot online Habbo Hotel stud my depression had disappeared, and my ego was back to full. I did what any guy would do, and ditched the bitch straight away and popped a cap in de azz (not really, sadly the option to become a cyber slasher isn't present- but we can always dream).
Once again I found myself in the hallways of the corridor becoming quickly bored and lonely, so I decided to liven things up a little. I asked some people from our very own forums to sign up, in hopes of creating some group-style mischief. After everyone had signed up and rendezvoused in the hallways, we discussed our plans of action and collectively came up with a truly ingenius idea. Everyone left the vicinity to make some uniform changes to themselves, and when the group returned we became...
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo8.jpg
The Pink Ladymen.
Noone screws with The Pink Ladymen. If they do, they get a warm wang in their ass. The Ladymen are formed from various regular forum members, and from left to right are; Code, SewerRat, MagicalDave, Kazzeh, DrunkCat and Esmiralda.
[PAGE]
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo9.jpg We immediately set about finding a base to concoct evil diabolical schemes and uh... not much else. There's not much to do in Habbo hotel apart from walk around. Even the TVs always seem to be on static. Anyway, since most of the rooms in Habbo Hotel are full of schmucks we decided to create a base of our own, and the result was the Gypsy Gathering. A fine, secluded little area away from prying eyes.
Now that we had territory to call our own, it was time to lure some poor souls inside to find out what vile experiments we could conduct. Esmiralda (aka Alex Zima) decided to scout for people in the hotel, hoping to use his womanly charm to seduce some gullible fellow whilst the rest of us stayed in the gathering and played mantrains. Soon enough, our luck was in.
Esmiralda had returned with some guy. Immediately one of us blocked the door, making sure any attempts to escape were futile. The rest of us smiled at him eagerly. He seemed nervous, and backed off into a corner. The trap was set.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo10.jpg
Hot gangrape action!!
After a couple of minutes of keeping this guy trapped and doing the horrible nasty to him, it turned out that he was a cop. With the ability to ban us. Considering we had just happily buttfucked this guy into a corner we weren't in the greatest of situations anymore. We kicked him out of the gathering before he could press the ban button. I seriously, honestly regret that I couldn't see the face of the guy behind the cop character as he watched himself get assraped on-screen.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo11.jpg More people eventually came into the gathering on their own accord (presumably they were curious because of the name), and each met the same fate as the cop. One guy called Drew (inexplicably) kept coming back into the room each time we kicked him for more buttrape. I dunno, maybe he enjoyed the sensual touch of a bunch of pink-clad idiots dancing around him and shouting "UNF UNF UNF." Whatever pops your Lambrisco cork I guess. Another guy came into the room and shouted "I HATE HIPPIES" (implying that we were hippies because of our room name). He was last seen running screaming throughout the hotel hallways.
After a while the novelty of organised bumrapings had started to wear a little thin, so The Pink Ladymen decided to take to the hallways in hopes of a new source of entertainment. After wandering around aimlessly and annoying the hell out of people for a while, we came to the main part of the hallway, where there was a small gathering of...
[PAGE]
Rabbits! Hang on a minute... that guy who ruined my rep by kicking me out of that bar earlier was a rabbit too! Its official now, rabbits are the sworn enemy of the Pink Ladymen! This was an oppurtunity to wipe out the leige! We discussed our plans of operation- should we attack? Should we go covert? Should we just follow them to see what they do? Or should we just walk away? In the end we decided to follow The Habbo Way.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo12.jpg
By attacking each and every one of the snotty asshats.
After they ran off we returned to the Gypsy Gathering for a celebration of our triumph. After all, we totally owned them with our use of the phrase "*KILL*". We got totally drunk on a few imaginary cyber bottles of wine and then danced to the tune of victory. After what seemed like an eternity of mantraining around the room we all got bored and signed off. Back to reality I guess. MagicalDave was no more.
Well, there you have it folks. Within the space of 50 minutes I got kicked out of a pub, laid, insulted by a crowd of idiots, buttfucked a cop, formed a small group of mentally-disturbed delinquents and attacked a bunch of rabbits. Its like living my teenage years all over again. Within 50 minutes. It makes real life seem a lot longer, but thats probably because it is. Logic gets me every time :(.
However, and I must digress; most of the regular people on Habbo Hotel (you can tell them easily) really are more than regulars. These people seriously, seriously, live their lives on this goddamn thing. They've quite literally absorbed themselves into this collection of pixels on their monitor that represents them. I've seen people with cyber families and cyber homes on this thing, with the dads going to cyber jobs in the hotel. That isn't healthy.
My conclusion from this whole little experience being; Habbo Hotel is all well and good if you want to waste a bit of time when you could be doing something useful (worked for me), but just make sure it doesn't become a habbit. Otherwise you'll be awash in a sea of idiots who consider a bunch of malformed, indentical, pixellated cartoon characters sexually attractive. I said "hello" to someone in a corridor, then walked away when they didn't respond. Later they sent me this message:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo13.jpg
These are the kind of insane, desperate obsessives we're dealing with here. If anything, check out Habbo Hotel if you want to mess with the brains of sensitive blowhards. You'll realise how truly lucky you are to be yourself whenever you delve into this obscure world of sleazy online sex, anonymous relationships and pathetic clingyness. As for me, I don't think I'm ever going to sign into Habbo Hotel again. No wait, I've got a java final in a couple of weeks as well. Humm... what was my password again?
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo14.jpg
Hot mantrain action!!
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo1.jpg Anyway, a few nights ago I sat in front of my computer scratching my nuts instead of reading about the Fetch/Execute cycle when someone suggested that I check out a thing called Habbo Hotel. Further investigation proved intruiging; Habbo Hotel is essentially a chatroom, only a lot more advanced. This thing actually allows you to create your own visual likeness of yourself and then make your way around a 2D gameworld meeting and interacting with other players. I'm not the biggest fan of chatrooms (somewhere between eating a dog-hair brush and putting my penis in a pencil sharpener on the to-do scale of things), but I decided that this thing was unique and gimmicky enough to warrant it a little curious attention.
First things first, I had to create a visual likeness of myself so that I could wander around this joint. A character that represents me. A character that slaps people in the face and makes them go "HOLY SHITZNIZZLE!!! DATZ COOL YO" when he walks into the room. Not only that, I needed a moniker that reflected my awesomeness. It was settled inside my head. A messiah was born:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo2.jpg
Meet MagicalDave.
Lets face it- I am magical. More magical than Santa's sack. MagicalDave is awesome, as soon as I immersed myself in this world and became this character, I walked through those hotel doors and immediately searched for some natural surroundings. A new habbo was in town.
[MORE]
As soon as I reached the bar I was confronted by some girl asking me for an "a/s/l." Becoming quickly frustrated because she was between me and beer, I opened a WHOLE CAN OF VERBAL WHOOPASS on her and she ran away. MagicalDave had now started to act like me as well.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo3.jpg http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo4.jpg http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo5.jpg
After a while it was pretty clear to me that I wasn't fitting in. MagicalDave wasn't really not following the habbo way anymore, what with his now permanent scowl and general tendency to snap at anyone who came near. Bold letters signifying his pixellated fury. Before long the barman (who incidentally was dressed like a rabbit) had had enough of my violent slurrs, and kicked me from the room. Bad move rabbit-boy, I'll find you again when you're asleep. Mark my words.
[PAGE]
Upset and humiliated by my actions in the bar, I decided that the main thing missing in my new online existence was someone to share it with. MagicalDave was now on the hunt for love. I immediately did a search for relevant rooms and found the perfect place, apply titled "<3 boyz kiss gurls <3." I'm guaranteed action in a place with a name like that! I put on my best cyber-cologne and walked on in.
The first thing that hit me was the musty smell of sex and tension. There was a crusty bed and a lot of hormones flying around. Two girls instantly walked up to me;
"hi asl ur kinda se.xy :d"
"lool hey u look fun"
I replied in the only way I could.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo6.jpg Suddenly, almost in unison, they started to bicker. "Me first!" "No, me first bitch!!" These chicks were clawing at each other for possession of my masculine passion. You can't blame them for wanting to tear each other apart, but alas- I had to choose one. Its always hard to disappoint but it has to be done. One of them had to go, and so I chose the chick in blue. Mady-Ally walked away slowly, heart in shatters.
On a temporarily serious note, from what I've seen so far this kind of stuff happens all the time on Habbo Hotel. The users get seriously caught up about a bunch of pixels on screen. Some of them literally live their love lives on this godforsaken computer program. During my short-lived stay on this thing I've witnessed people cry over one another, two-time each other and get seriously upset about it. I've watched a thousand cyber-hearts shatter and a thousand more swell. Tragic love stories a-plenty, and I could go on and on. It makes for interesting viewing at least, although my sense of pity is exhausted.
Anyway, after a little chit-chat ("a/s/l?") me and the other chick went back to her room. She decided to go and get changed whilst I waited in her lavishly-decorated boudois. When I say lavishly-decorated I really mean bare as hell. There wasn't even a damn bed. I know its a good thing to tidy your house when you're expecting guests but damn. Anyway, when she returned in a revealing, sensual pink top she popped the question MagicalDave was working towards all night:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo7.jpg
Score!
I'd pulled. Now that I'd gotten laid and was a hot online Habbo Hotel stud my depression had disappeared, and my ego was back to full. I did what any guy would do, and ditched the bitch straight away and popped a cap in de azz (not really, sadly the option to become a cyber slasher isn't present- but we can always dream).
Once again I found myself in the hallways of the corridor becoming quickly bored and lonely, so I decided to liven things up a little. I asked some people from our very own forums to sign up, in hopes of creating some group-style mischief. After everyone had signed up and rendezvoused in the hallways, we discussed our plans of action and collectively came up with a truly ingenius idea. Everyone left the vicinity to make some uniform changes to themselves, and when the group returned we became...
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo8.jpg
The Pink Ladymen.
Noone screws with The Pink Ladymen. If they do, they get a warm wang in their ass. The Ladymen are formed from various regular forum members, and from left to right are; Code, SewerRat, MagicalDave, Kazzeh, DrunkCat and Esmiralda.
[PAGE]
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo9.jpg We immediately set about finding a base to concoct evil diabolical schemes and uh... not much else. There's not much to do in Habbo hotel apart from walk around. Even the TVs always seem to be on static. Anyway, since most of the rooms in Habbo Hotel are full of schmucks we decided to create a base of our own, and the result was the Gypsy Gathering. A fine, secluded little area away from prying eyes.
Now that we had territory to call our own, it was time to lure some poor souls inside to find out what vile experiments we could conduct. Esmiralda (aka Alex Zima) decided to scout for people in the hotel, hoping to use his womanly charm to seduce some gullible fellow whilst the rest of us stayed in the gathering and played mantrains. Soon enough, our luck was in.
Esmiralda had returned with some guy. Immediately one of us blocked the door, making sure any attempts to escape were futile. The rest of us smiled at him eagerly. He seemed nervous, and backed off into a corner. The trap was set.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo10.jpg
Hot gangrape action!!
After a couple of minutes of keeping this guy trapped and doing the horrible nasty to him, it turned out that he was a cop. With the ability to ban us. Considering we had just happily buttfucked this guy into a corner we weren't in the greatest of situations anymore. We kicked him out of the gathering before he could press the ban button. I seriously, honestly regret that I couldn't see the face of the guy behind the cop character as he watched himself get assraped on-screen.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo11.jpg More people eventually came into the gathering on their own accord (presumably they were curious because of the name), and each met the same fate as the cop. One guy called Drew (inexplicably) kept coming back into the room each time we kicked him for more buttrape. I dunno, maybe he enjoyed the sensual touch of a bunch of pink-clad idiots dancing around him and shouting "UNF UNF UNF." Whatever pops your Lambrisco cork I guess. Another guy came into the room and shouted "I HATE HIPPIES" (implying that we were hippies because of our room name). He was last seen running screaming throughout the hotel hallways.
After a while the novelty of organised bumrapings had started to wear a little thin, so The Pink Ladymen decided to take to the hallways in hopes of a new source of entertainment. After wandering around aimlessly and annoying the hell out of people for a while, we came to the main part of the hallway, where there was a small gathering of...
[PAGE]
Rabbits! Hang on a minute... that guy who ruined my rep by kicking me out of that bar earlier was a rabbit too! Its official now, rabbits are the sworn enemy of the Pink Ladymen! This was an oppurtunity to wipe out the leige! We discussed our plans of operation- should we attack? Should we go covert? Should we just follow them to see what they do? Or should we just walk away? In the end we decided to follow The Habbo Way.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo12.jpg
By attacking each and every one of the snotty asshats.
After they ran off we returned to the Gypsy Gathering for a celebration of our triumph. After all, we totally owned them with our use of the phrase "*KILL*". We got totally drunk on a few imaginary cyber bottles of wine and then danced to the tune of victory. After what seemed like an eternity of mantraining around the room we all got bored and signed off. Back to reality I guess. MagicalDave was no more.
Well, there you have it folks. Within the space of 50 minutes I got kicked out of a pub, laid, insulted by a crowd of idiots, buttfucked a cop, formed a small group of mentally-disturbed delinquents and attacked a bunch of rabbits. Its like living my teenage years all over again. Within 50 minutes. It makes real life seem a lot longer, but thats probably because it is. Logic gets me every time :(.
However, and I must digress; most of the regular people on Habbo Hotel (you can tell them easily) really are more than regulars. These people seriously, seriously, live their lives on this goddamn thing. They've quite literally absorbed themselves into this collection of pixels on their monitor that represents them. I've seen people with cyber families and cyber homes on this thing, with the dads going to cyber jobs in the hotel. That isn't healthy.
My conclusion from this whole little experience being; Habbo Hotel is all well and good if you want to waste a bit of time when you could be doing something useful (worked for me), but just make sure it doesn't become a habbit. Otherwise you'll be awash in a sea of idiots who consider a bunch of malformed, indentical, pixellated cartoon characters sexually attractive. I said "hello" to someone in a corridor, then walked away when they didn't respond. Later they sent me this message:
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo13.jpg
These are the kind of insane, desperate obsessives we're dealing with here. If anything, check out Habbo Hotel if you want to mess with the brains of sensitive blowhards. You'll realise how truly lucky you are to be yourself whenever you delve into this obscure world of sleazy online sex, anonymous relationships and pathetic clingyness. As for me, I don't think I'm ever going to sign into Habbo Hotel again. No wait, I've got a java final in a couple of weeks as well. Humm... what was my password again?
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/justdave/habbo/habbo14.jpg
Hot mantrain action!!