Kris
08-30-2007, 5:54 PM
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/fat-joe.jpgOk, here is a little something to ease our way in so you don't hurt yourself when we dive dick-first into a whole-lotta fat rhymes from Fat Joe. For those of you who don't know who Fat Joe is, he is a rapper of the fattest calibur. He is neither Phat, Phfat, nor F@. He is just Fat. I guess Joe isn't a good rapper name. But heed my warning. Fat Joe is scuttling his fat waffle-stomper feet into the "music" business and he is leavin' no bitches hole unturned.
[MORE]
Alright, so i'm somewhat of a metal head. That means it is my ABSOLUTE responsibility to hate everything you like. Even though I reside in a podunk town in a podunk state, I STILL know this is crap rap. I'll even go as far to say that I like some rap. Don't tell Satan. Rest assured, I be hatin. Fat Joe basically looks like a sumo wrestler with an oversized milk dud squashed onto his scalp.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/milkdudjoe.png
So if you like Fat Joe, either click the X at the top right of this screen, move your pussy out of your field of vision and read, or drag a blade down your arm.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/stab.gif
THIS IS FOR YOU! FAT JOE!
[PAGE]
Anyways, before I start h8ting, the song we are looking at is called My Lifestyle from Fat Joe's Jealous Ones Still Envy album. G-wiz, mister. How does one fat rapper rise up from the streets using nothing but the SHEER INTENSITY OF HIS RHYTHMIC DEVICES? Observe.
Ya'll wanna live my lifestyle
Never seen a brick, never seen a crackhouse
Wanna a war with the Don have your techs out
Bring it on, and I'ma show you gangsta Intimidated yet? HE'LL SHOW YOU! With words.
Yeah...ughh...right back at you motherfuckers....ughh...yeah..I swear to god those are the printed lyrics. Fuck. I can't count how many words rhyme with Joe. You'd think he could start it out a little better than using a studder. But I have faith in him. I bet he just opened his mouth too wide and his secondary chin exceeded my expectations in his mouth. Spit da jowl out yo grill, Joe. Here it comes...ugh...yeah
Yo, Yo, I stand alone in this cold world, could you believe that?
I've seen some good men get blown over G-packs
In the Bronx where it's known to hear the heat clap
And live niggaz get it on with the D-techs, SHIT, my life's legendarySo far this sounds kinda like Joe is getting a little sexy. I'm not sure if these good fellows are getting killed or getting blowjobs over G-Packs. It's ok that Joe is alone in this cold world as long as niggaz are having sex with D-techs. Better to have sex with live niggaz, but what do i know? As far as Heat Claps go, i'm guessing that it gets hot in the bronx and sometimes things get all sweaty in the bathing suit area so when you walk it makes that sticky, clappy sound. Or maybe i'm getting too imaginative. The bronx is either the best or worst place to be.
[PAGE]
What you know 16 be missin' Benzes
Rope chain down to my dick, the beef looks tremendous
Me and my niggaz flip holes in bitches
Back then, when I wouldn't even pose for bitchesThat's right. The beef looks tremendous. I think Fat Joe is admiring himself right here. His dick is so TREMENDOUS that he has to CHAIN IT DOWN! That's what it's like to be Fat Joe. Back in the day, Fat Joe and a couple members of his posse would go around flipping holes in bitches. That sounds horrible. What kind of person who strut around the Bronx doing that to the poor bitches? Back then, Joe didn't even care about women. He is way too busy staring at such TREMENDOUS BEEF! MY FUCKING LORD! IT'S SUCH A LEGENDARY MEAT PRODUCT!
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/ohthebeef.png
My peeps already in the crowd looking for groupies to screw me
Exit the club, about to cruise up the block now
with the taj, stay frontin' with top down
See me in that new thing with my fiancee
Ass so fat, making you say "Muchos GRANDE"
Don't blame me, blame them, the white folk
for giving me ten mil, for possessin' the tight flow
WHOAWHOA! You ok, Joe? Scared me there.
Not such a cold lonely world when he has peeps getting him laid. This is a big turn from the crackhouses and the ghangster shit that Joe was mentioning in the first verse. Looks like his peeps found him a significant other to marry. Awwwwwwww thanks peepz. And she has enough junk in the trunk to make you speek spanish. That's a good sign, right? He is right, though. It's you whities fault that he is rich and has a giant spanish speaking ass poppin out da top of his convertable. This guy is more famous than me. THAT MEANS YOU WHITE FOLKS ARE NOT DOING YOUR JOB!
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/peepz.png
[PAGE]
Yeah, yeah, uh, yo, blow half your head off, leave you with brain damage
He got his shit rocked cause he didn't pay homage
It's the Don of this rap shit, go on with that wack shit
Heard you walked the dorm in a thong on your last bid...So I live in a town, population 150 in the desolate state of Wyoming. So could someone tell me what the fuck is happening here? Joe wants you to blow half your head off. Then the Don wants to wack anyone in a thong. Sexy? Sure. Why not. Let's continue.
Joey Crack is, the most official
Toke the pistol for those who appose the issue
I hope I convinced you to back up, really you acted up, believe me
I could EASILY GET YOUR ASS TOUCHEDDon't step up to Joey Crack. Seems he thinks you acted up. Really you acted up. Believe me. Now Joe is going to get your ass touched. That's a good way to teach anyone. If only they taught like that in school. "IF YOU DON'T SIT IN YOUR SEAT, I'LL MAKE JOE CRACK TOUCH YOUR ASS!"
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/fingerz.png
Bullet shook could make you take a bucket of piss
For runnin' your lips
Got the fifth stuck in your ribs, don't make me...
splash your lungs right in front of your kids
I'm a basketcase, don't ever give this bastard space
or I'ma have your ass erasedAnd I thought I was gangsta. Fuck around wit real niggaz and they splash your lungs with a bucket of piss in front of your children. That's cruel and unusual. THE GANGSTA WAY! Give Joe space or he will touch your ass so much that he will COMPLETELY ERASE IT! BOTH HANDS ON YOUR ASS UNTIL HE WASHES AWAY YOUR SKIN PIGMENT! Joe, calm down. You just got a fiancee and you're going around splashing buckets of urine on people and touchin asses. Where's the love?
I'm from crills to crack
You've been dealin' with rap
You ain't never run the streets, now I'm revealing your act
What the fuckSo there is the moral of the story. Don't deal with rap. Joe is pretty upset on that last verse. So obviously you should steer clear of Rap or you'll upset Joe and he will touch your ass and splash your lungs with a bucket of piss. His piss or your piss? WHO KNOWS? I don't, meaning i'm not gangsta. Here is to you, Fat Joe, with your poetic ability.
CLICK HERE TO BUY FAT JOE'S JEALOUS ONES STILL ENVY CD (http://www.amazon.com/Jealous-Ones-Still-Envy-J-O-S-E/dp/B00005S8M8/sr=1-3/qid=1163407323/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/002-9392034-4844031?ie=UTF8&s=music)
CLICK HERE TO BUY RAZOR BLADES (http://www.amazon.com/STANLEY-Single-Razor-Blades-11-515/dp/B000271IS4/sr=8-3/qid=1163407469/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/002-9392034-4844031?ie=UTF8&s=hi)
[MORE]
Alright, so i'm somewhat of a metal head. That means it is my ABSOLUTE responsibility to hate everything you like. Even though I reside in a podunk town in a podunk state, I STILL know this is crap rap. I'll even go as far to say that I like some rap. Don't tell Satan. Rest assured, I be hatin. Fat Joe basically looks like a sumo wrestler with an oversized milk dud squashed onto his scalp.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/milkdudjoe.png
So if you like Fat Joe, either click the X at the top right of this screen, move your pussy out of your field of vision and read, or drag a blade down your arm.
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/stab.gif
THIS IS FOR YOU! FAT JOE!
[PAGE]
Anyways, before I start h8ting, the song we are looking at is called My Lifestyle from Fat Joe's Jealous Ones Still Envy album. G-wiz, mister. How does one fat rapper rise up from the streets using nothing but the SHEER INTENSITY OF HIS RHYTHMIC DEVICES? Observe.
Ya'll wanna live my lifestyle
Never seen a brick, never seen a crackhouse
Wanna a war with the Don have your techs out
Bring it on, and I'ma show you gangsta Intimidated yet? HE'LL SHOW YOU! With words.
Yeah...ughh...right back at you motherfuckers....ughh...yeah..I swear to god those are the printed lyrics. Fuck. I can't count how many words rhyme with Joe. You'd think he could start it out a little better than using a studder. But I have faith in him. I bet he just opened his mouth too wide and his secondary chin exceeded my expectations in his mouth. Spit da jowl out yo grill, Joe. Here it comes...ugh...yeah
Yo, Yo, I stand alone in this cold world, could you believe that?
I've seen some good men get blown over G-packs
In the Bronx where it's known to hear the heat clap
And live niggaz get it on with the D-techs, SHIT, my life's legendarySo far this sounds kinda like Joe is getting a little sexy. I'm not sure if these good fellows are getting killed or getting blowjobs over G-Packs. It's ok that Joe is alone in this cold world as long as niggaz are having sex with D-techs. Better to have sex with live niggaz, but what do i know? As far as Heat Claps go, i'm guessing that it gets hot in the bronx and sometimes things get all sweaty in the bathing suit area so when you walk it makes that sticky, clappy sound. Or maybe i'm getting too imaginative. The bronx is either the best or worst place to be.
[PAGE]
What you know 16 be missin' Benzes
Rope chain down to my dick, the beef looks tremendous
Me and my niggaz flip holes in bitches
Back then, when I wouldn't even pose for bitchesThat's right. The beef looks tremendous. I think Fat Joe is admiring himself right here. His dick is so TREMENDOUS that he has to CHAIN IT DOWN! That's what it's like to be Fat Joe. Back in the day, Fat Joe and a couple members of his posse would go around flipping holes in bitches. That sounds horrible. What kind of person who strut around the Bronx doing that to the poor bitches? Back then, Joe didn't even care about women. He is way too busy staring at such TREMENDOUS BEEF! MY FUCKING LORD! IT'S SUCH A LEGENDARY MEAT PRODUCT!
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/ohthebeef.png
My peeps already in the crowd looking for groupies to screw me
Exit the club, about to cruise up the block now
with the taj, stay frontin' with top down
See me in that new thing with my fiancee
Ass so fat, making you say "Muchos GRANDE"
Don't blame me, blame them, the white folk
for giving me ten mil, for possessin' the tight flow
WHOAWHOA! You ok, Joe? Scared me there.
Not such a cold lonely world when he has peeps getting him laid. This is a big turn from the crackhouses and the ghangster shit that Joe was mentioning in the first verse. Looks like his peeps found him a significant other to marry. Awwwwwwww thanks peepz. And she has enough junk in the trunk to make you speek spanish. That's a good sign, right? He is right, though. It's you whities fault that he is rich and has a giant spanish speaking ass poppin out da top of his convertable. This guy is more famous than me. THAT MEANS YOU WHITE FOLKS ARE NOT DOING YOUR JOB!
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/peepz.png
[PAGE]
Yeah, yeah, uh, yo, blow half your head off, leave you with brain damage
He got his shit rocked cause he didn't pay homage
It's the Don of this rap shit, go on with that wack shit
Heard you walked the dorm in a thong on your last bid...So I live in a town, population 150 in the desolate state of Wyoming. So could someone tell me what the fuck is happening here? Joe wants you to blow half your head off. Then the Don wants to wack anyone in a thong. Sexy? Sure. Why not. Let's continue.
Joey Crack is, the most official
Toke the pistol for those who appose the issue
I hope I convinced you to back up, really you acted up, believe me
I could EASILY GET YOUR ASS TOUCHEDDon't step up to Joey Crack. Seems he thinks you acted up. Really you acted up. Believe me. Now Joe is going to get your ass touched. That's a good way to teach anyone. If only they taught like that in school. "IF YOU DON'T SIT IN YOUR SEAT, I'LL MAKE JOE CRACK TOUCH YOUR ASS!"
http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/fingerz.png
Bullet shook could make you take a bucket of piss
For runnin' your lips
Got the fifth stuck in your ribs, don't make me...
splash your lungs right in front of your kids
I'm a basketcase, don't ever give this bastard space
or I'ma have your ass erasedAnd I thought I was gangsta. Fuck around wit real niggaz and they splash your lungs with a bucket of piss in front of your children. That's cruel and unusual. THE GANGSTA WAY! Give Joe space or he will touch your ass so much that he will COMPLETELY ERASE IT! BOTH HANDS ON YOUR ASS UNTIL HE WASHES AWAY YOUR SKIN PIGMENT! Joe, calm down. You just got a fiancee and you're going around splashing buckets of urine on people and touchin asses. Where's the love?
I'm from crills to crack
You've been dealin' with rap
You ain't never run the streets, now I'm revealing your act
What the fuckSo there is the moral of the story. Don't deal with rap. Joe is pretty upset on that last verse. So obviously you should steer clear of Rap or you'll upset Joe and he will touch your ass and splash your lungs with a bucket of piss. His piss or your piss? WHO KNOWS? I don't, meaning i'm not gangsta. Here is to you, Fat Joe, with your poetic ability.
CLICK HERE TO BUY FAT JOE'S JEALOUS ONES STILL ENVY CD (http://www.amazon.com/Jealous-Ones-Still-Envy-J-O-S-E/dp/B00005S8M8/sr=1-3/qid=1163407323/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/002-9392034-4844031?ie=UTF8&s=music)
CLICK HERE TO BUY RAZOR BLADES (http://www.amazon.com/STANLEY-Single-Razor-Blades-11-515/dp/B000271IS4/sr=8-3/qid=1163407469/ref=pd_bbs_sr_3/002-9392034-4844031?ie=UTF8&s=hi)