Throw Some D's: A Look At Rich Boy

[Kris]

Well, here we are again. I find myself catching sight of yet another absolutely horrible example of hip hop. It's just not fair. I want to move on to something fresh and new. Something that is a different flavor of horrible like Fall Out Boy or something. But the hip hop just stands out too much. When I saw this shit sandwhich, it gleamed with terrible. It gleamed in the only way a shit sandwhich can. How is that exactly? Let's ask Rich Boy.


http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/cadalick.png

I want to ease your way through this because I was unfortunate to hear it without warning. I'm guessing anyone who watches MTV has already seen it. I saw it on the internet, but I'm guessing it's all over MTV.

Anyhoozer, we're going to glide through this as the music video goes on.

[MORE]


It opens with Rich Boy shouting "GET MONEY! NEW MONEY! HAAAY!" as oh fuck rolls out my mouth. You can just feel how terrible this is already. Lyrics ahoy!

Rich Boy Sellin' Crack Dope Niggas Wanna Jack Shit Tight No Slack Just Bought
A Cadillac(Throw Some D's On Da Bitch!!)Just Bought A Cadillac(Throw Some D's
On Dat Bitch!!)Just Bought A Cadillac(Throw Some D's On Dat Bitch!!)

Now, thing you need to know about Rich Boy is he's got big ol' teef. So while he is laying down da rhymes, you can hear him slurp a little as saliva (PHAT ASS PLAYA saliva) builds up in his grill. I'm not sure if it effects his speech, all I know is he is incapable of making the "ah" sound that the letter A should. So the sentence of "Rich Boy Sellin' Crack Dope Niggas Wanna Jack Shit Tight No Slack Just Bought
A Cadillac"
turns into

"Rich Boy Sellin' Crick Dope Niggas Wanna Jick Shit Tight No Slick Just Bought
Cadillick"

I googled cadillick until my mind bruised, but there is no make of car called Cadillick. I'll be damned.

The video starts out (of course) with Rich Boy in front of the camera acting cool while scenes of expensive cars flash by.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/parade.png

Now for those who do not know the act of "throwin d's" let me translate. Throwin' D's is slappin' on some Rims (preferably Dayton) on a vehicle. I understand that'd be hard to grasp when you break down the sentence.

Throw Some D's
On Dat Bitch!!

Translates to:

Throw Some Rims
On That Woman

Translates to:

Assault That Women
By Using Rims As A Projectile.

Have no fear, ladies. He's talkin' bout a Cadillick.

[PAGE]

... Just Bought A
Cadillac Took It To Da Chop Shop Got Da Damn Top Dropped Two Colored Flipped Flopped
Candy Red Lolipop Deres Some Hoes In Da parking 'lot Still Got My Glock Hott

Notice how many times there SHOULD have been a Th in that chunk of rhymes. So he got his car souped up, color changed and he's sitting in the parking lot with a gun and some lollipops. Sounds like Rich Boy is finding some underage ladies to abduct, maybe kill with his hott glock. Lollipops supposedly make good bait when your sittin' in da parking 'lot of a Chuckie Cheese, you fucking perv. No wonder why you got your cars color changed when you're running from the cops for rape and homicide charges.

New Money Motha Fucka Don't You See Da Tail Light Don't You See Da Big Chain Don't
You Da Big Rims Wonda Who Dey Hatin' On Lately Baby Its Him Candy Paint


........wow....If da BIG CHAYNE doesn't impress you, even if DA BIG RIMS or the TAIL LIGHT doesn't impress you, how about his sudden tourette's will. CANDY PAINT!

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/chayne.png


Gator Skin
Seats Call Me Dun Dee,Up In Yo 'hood Im Da Fucka Dat You Wanna Be Niggas Wish
Dey Could Feel Da Wood In My H3 Ridin' Wit No Tint So Motha-Fuckas No Its Me...

Niggas wanna feel the wood in his H3? Wait...his hummer? What about your Cadillick, Rich Boy? Oh Rich Boy. You've just got so much money selling crick.

Speaking of which. This is Rich Boy's first single. His first fucking song. And he already has a 4 million+ budget music video on his first song because they know how much of a sucker America will consume out of this crap. Everyone wants to be Rich Boy (being the point of the song...I think.) Why? ....Rims? HELL YEAH, RIMS! Moving on.

[page]

When the chorus comes back up, everytime they say "THROW SOME D'S ON DAT BITCH" it shows a little girl for some uknown reason.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/lollipop.png


Look out, little girl! They're going to throw rims at you! Shyit Nigguh. Bitch don't be scratchin' da candy PAINT!

Now comes Polow Da Don, the guest rapper, with his fat rhymes.

Nigga I Neva Slip And Ya See I Neva Fall,Alot Of Hoes Give Me Dey Numba But See I Neva
Call O.G Style Look At A Nigga Ball,Baby Afta We Hit Da Club Imma Hit Dem Draws Yea
Imma Brek You Off And Baby That Should Be All Every Bitch Should Have A Picture Of My
Dick On Dey Wall Polow Be The Shit Zone 4 Be The Click Yea Dis Fa My Dawgs
Yea Gangsters, Hustlas,Wankstas,Bustas (Wait A Minute Muthaficka)

As terrible as he is, he's better than Rich Boy. He gave the song a big right turn from putting on rims, sellin' crick, and lollipops, to having sex with women after taking the to da club. I have to say I'd like the idea of everyone having a picture of his dick on their walls. Why didn't I think of that? A picture of my dick for all the fans to hang on their walls? Find it in the merch section soon!

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/poster.png

[PAGE]

More expensive cars, repetative chorus, and several D's thrown. Here comes Rich Boy's 3rd verse.

Hit The Block On Some New 10 Thousand Dolla Wheels. Kinda Strange How I Feel,
Toucha Gator On My Wheel Got Peanut Butter Icecream Peter Pan Seats Just Gotta
Fresh Cut Now We Lookin For Them Freaks.

That's got to be the best rhyme ever to grace rap. I GOT PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM AND PETER PAN SEATS! Wow. Don't spill any peanut budda ice cream on your peter pan seats, then you'll really be ridin' dirty. Rich Boy has a new hair cut to search for some freaks. Either I'm right about him dodging those felonies with the toddlers, or he is head of Mutant Control. Mutant Control is important and I salute thee, Rich Boy Candy Paint.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/toof.png

Take Her Bacc Yella Bitch Make Her Dropp
Dem Draws Show Her Howwa Nigga Ball,Middle Finga To Da Law So Fuck Dem
Niggas Tell Em' What Dey Wanna Do?Hatin On A Nigga Cus My Next Skate 22's. When
I Pull Up Imma Park Right At Da Front Porch Lean In My Cup Got Purp In My Blunt.
Imma Real Pimp Bitch Im Not Playin' Like A Trick Just Bought A New 'lac Bout To Put Dem
Thangs On Dat Bitch!!!!!

So to end the song, he has a girl, inc which he sticks his middle finger in her. MUST BE CUZ UV DA RIMZ! The whole end of the song shoots you in the face with obvious when you realise that whole song can be summarized to

"I bought a cadillac. I put rims on it."

But they blindside you with their awesome variety.

"I bought a cadillac. I put rims on it. I also like to fingerbang women."

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/finger.png


What an exciting conclusion. If you want to endure with me because you have not been intimidated by Rich Boy's pedophile like sweet toof, then you can find some videos on YouTube. Problem is it's a remix. But it's still got the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dYr6vrmI8c

Until next time...

[Raxo]

One of my favorite articles.

Makes me laugh every time. Some rap music is just horrendous.

[gizzalove]

My friend told me that "throw some D's on that bitch" was referring to breast implants.

[M1K3]

There are some pretty fucking ridiculous rap songs out there. The Whisper Song by the Ying-Yang twins (who are actually legally retarded) is downright embarrassing. Here's a beautiful verse from the song:

Wait you see my dick
Ay bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up

Like B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM,
B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM, B-AM

Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up,
Beat da pussy
Up, Beat da pussy up

[Jam_man]

This I have to say is my favorite article. I really find lyrics like these repeditive and just plain stupid. I enjoy how you put this together kris. I hope to see you do a article about fall out boy next.

[modulatum]

Throwin' D's is slappin' on some Rims (preferably Dayton)
Wrong. D's can refer to Dayton rims, but Dayton rims are never mentioned either in the song or in the video. The D stands for dubs, a.k.a. any rim 20 inches in diameter or larger.

DA BIG RIMS or the TAIL LIGHT
There's no "tail light" in the song. What Rich Boy says is "big knot," which is precisely what he picks up along with his glasses at the beginning of the video.

Niggas wanna feel the wood in his H3?
There are also no Hummer vehicles mentioned either in the song or the video. What Rich Boy is saying is '83, not H3, which is the year of manufacture for his Cadillac. Did you ever wonder why the video shows a relatively older car being painted?

So to end the song, he has a girl, inc which he sticks his middle finger in her.
Even in the lyrics quote you yourself provided, it clearly says "middle finger to the law," and Rich Boy follows up by dismissing them. There's no fingerbanging involved.

In conclusion, your entire review can be summarized as this:
"I didn't listen to the song. I can put captions under photos. I know nothing about rap."

[Raxo]

How does this mean he knows nothing about rap?

He was just being funny not trying to write an intellectual essay. If you think this is what rap is about the you don't know anything about rap.

All you did was clarify the lyrics to a crap ass song and take away the funny.

[modulatum]

How does this mean he knows nothing about rap?

He was just being funny not trying to write an intellectual essay. If you think this is what rap is about the you don't know anything about rap.

All you did was clarify the lyrics to a crap ass song and take away the funny.

You're right, he was being funny. However, all the funny is taken out if it's based on wrong data. If the premise for the joke is non-existent, then the joke really isn't about the premise, it's a self-contained, newly invented joke and has nothing to do with its context. Thus, all of the things I quoted (and then some) have nothing to do with the actual song, but with his criticism of poorly transcripted lyrics.

And guess what: this IS what rap is all about. What do YOU listen to 24/7?

All I did was expose kris for the unfunny content he actually wrote. There was no funny to begin with. Wow, let's accuse a rapper of being a child molester and make fun of something we don't even understand, such as peanut butter ice cream Peter Pan seats. Hilarious. I'm rolling on the floor here.

The funny thing is, kris would cross the street if he saw Rich Boy coming his way.

[InTransit]

I thought it was hilarious.

[Spastic]

Rap sucks, and modulatum sucks even more for defending it.

[modulatum]

I thought it was hilarious.
OK, that's not a problem. Although all you're doing is finding kris's lame jokes funny.

Rap sucks, and modulatum sucks even more for defending it.
Please, go back to Rod Stewart and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I wouldn't expect someone who listens to that to know one thing about another medium.

[Raxo]

You're right, he was being funny. However, all the funny is taken out if it's based on wrong data. If the premise for the joke is non-existent, then the joke really isn't about the premise, it's a self-contained, newly invented joke and has nothing to do with its context. Thus, all of the things I quoted (and then some) have nothing to do with the actual song, but with his criticism of poorly transcripted lyrics.

And guess what: this IS what rap is all about. What do YOU listen to 24/7?

All I did was expose kris for the unfunny content he actually wrote. There was no funny to begin with. Wow, let's accuse a rapper of being a child molester and make fun of something we don't even understand, such as peanut butter ice cream Peter Pan seats. Hilarious. I'm rolling on the floor here.

The funny thing is, kris would cross the street if he saw Rich Boy coming his way.

Well I listen to rap 24/7 so I think I know something about rap.

The point is that this is a shit song so it doesn't matter if the lyrics are transcribed wrong or not. The point was to show how the song could be taken the wrong way in a an extreme way if you would overthink it. And you didn't expose shit because the article is still funny even if it's not accurate.

And finally if you think this is what rap is about you must listen to some really low quality rap music, lyrically, not production wise.

[modulatum]

Well I listen to rap 24/7 so I think I know something about rap.

The point is that this is a shit song so it doesn't matter if the lyrics are transcribed wrong or not. The point was to show how the song could be taken the wrong way in a an extreme way if you would overthink it. And you didn't expose shit because the article is still funny even if it's not accurate.

And finally if you think this is what rap is about you must listen to some really low quality rap music, lyrically, not production wise.

What exactly qualifies it for a shit song? Soulja Boy's "Crank That," I can understand. Some Crime Mob music, I can understand. Shop Boys' "Party Like a Rockstar," I can understand. What qualifies this song to be lumped into the lower percentiles of rap music?

And even if Rich Boy said the things kris thought he said, it's still only mildly funny. The captions under the photos are funnier than anything actually written in the article.

Why don't you educate me, then? What IS rap about? What has it been about since the Sugarhill Gang days? Oh and please, don't compare Rich Boy with some profoundly dense indie rap bullshit like Aesop Rock or Atmosphere. Lyrical quality is only important to people who don't get enough reading material elsewhere.

[Killer Carebear]

What has it been about since the Sugarhill Gang days?

Making stereotypical Native American noises?!?! And it was alright back then.

Most rap is not catchy, has fucking retarded lyrics, and contains no musical value.

[modulatum]

Making stereotypical Native American noises?!?! And it was alright back then.

Most rap is not catchy, has fucking retarded lyrics, and contains no musical value.

Native American noises? What?

"Most rap?" Is that "most rap that exists" or "most rap that you've listened to" that you're talking about? Most metal, rock, and indie music I've heard has terrible, moping (or alternatively, morbid or angry) lyrics and contains no musical value. That has nothing to do with its objective value or with its value for its fans.

When I don't like something, when I think it's beneath my perception of it, I don't go out and write a diatribe criticizing it, with pictures. What insane person goes to the trouble of deconstructing a song of a genre they don't like? What are they trying to accomplish? After they're done, what do they say to themselves? "Hey, good job, you proved nothing!"

I'll at least grant kris the benefit of the doubt, seeing as he doesn't like Fallout Boy either, but I would expect him to know far more about rock music than rap and thus, his criticism of Fallout Boy would be better and more incisive. This particular essay was, how should I put it, misguided, to say the least. And defending it on the ground that it's funny is irrelevant. It's poorly constructed, poorly written, and it appeals to a population of similar ideals.

[Spastic]

Nobody cares about your tidbits of one sided information. The article was funny because it made fun of a horrible song, which happened to be a rap song, the genre where all it takes to be good is throwing down some "phat beats" and rhyming whore with more.

[modulatum]

Nobody cares about your tidbits of one sided information. The article was funny because it made fun of a horrible song, which happened to be a rap song, the genre where all it takes to be good is throwing down some "phat beats" and rhyming whore with more.

They care enough to reply and defend this essay. And "one sided information?" You mean unlike kris, because he gave the song both pros and cons, right?

I still haven't read what makes this song horrible. There's no reason, just an impromptu judgment slapped on a song that belongs to a genre that you don't like. What makes a good rap song? What's the last good rap song that was popular?

[Killer Carebear]

Native American noises? What?
You don't know your Sugarhill Gang.

Nobody cares about your tidbits of one sided information. The article was funny because it made fun of a horrible song, which happened to be a rap song, the genre where all it takes to be good is throwing down some "phat beats" and rhyming whore with more.
Couldn't have said it better. Every rap song says the same thing. The only things that make different songs more popular than others are the computerized beats not even designed by the rapper.

And a note: Hip Hop is not Rap. I've heard great Hip Hop.

[Raxo]

The song is horrible compared to others because it has subpar rapping by that I mean the flow and I'm not going to compare it to Atmosphere (emo rap) or Aesop Rock (white boys on meth who think they can rap) because this is shit and they really aren't aimed at the same audience.

This song is good in the semse that it was aimed at being a flavor of the month kind of thing but it isn't very creative or catchy which makes it shit even for the audience it was aimed for.At least Crank Dat had a stupid dance and so did Snap Yo Fingaz but this is shitty because it fails at being tough with th rhymes or the beat. Not saying those are good either but you don't want to compare this song to rap music that you actually have to listen to rather thanhave a s background noise. The last good popular song would be either Lupe Fiasco Daydreaming or Kanye with Stronger. Those songs are creative and don't have to conform to being ghetto or tough to be good.

At least you've heard of some of these underground rappers before making your judgment. Spastic shut the fuck up. Killer Carebear, Hip Hop is the culture and rap is the music of the culture.

[modulatum]

And a note: Hip Hop is not Rap. I've heard great Hip Hop.


Wrong. Hip-hop is rap. If you're feeling particularly elitist, you can say that rap isn't hip-hop, but hip-hop is definitely rap. This division is pointless. It's like saying, Rock is not Guitar Music. I've heard great Rock. While that's true, to a point, for the most part rock IS guitar music. Making a distinction between guitar music and rock (as you make a distinction between hip-hop and rap) is simply making a distinction between the culture and the art form. Do I think A Tribe Called Quest are rap? I sure do. 50 Cent? Yes. Biz Markie, surely. And I think all of them are hip-hop, too. Some choose to say that hip-hop is the more intelligent, lyrics-driven counterpart of rap, but where does the division end? If on the same album Method Man talked about misogyny and relationship problems, is he rap or hip-hop?

The song is horrible compared to others because it has subpar rapping by that I mean the flow
And there are worse songs than this, let's agree. Rich Boy addresses his own accent in "Boy Looka Here," talking about "talking slow" and "rhyming funny."

.At least Crank Dat had a stupid dance and so did Snap Yo Fingaz but this is shitty because it fails at being tough with th rhymes or the beat.
So a song can be good in your opinion if it either has a stupid dance in lieu of good lyrics, or it's tough on the beats or lyrics. Are Glocks not tough enough for you? The beat is surely good, otherwise the half a dozen or so rappers who jumped on the remix (Kanye notwithstanding) wouldn't bother.

The last good popular song would be either Lupe Fiasco Daydreaming or Kanye with Stronger.
Lupe's standout tracks are I Gotcha and Kick Push, which happen to be his singles as well. All his other stuff is sugarcoated. And Kanye? I get hilarious flashbacks to Britney Spears's video whenever I even see the name of the song. The only song I would even allow in that definition of "last good popular song" is "Good Life." Besides, sampling Daft Punk is overdone, Swizz Beatz did it last year. And neither of those songs are close to being popular.

Those songs are creative and don't have to conform to being ghetto or tough to be good.
Since you know a thing or two about hip-hop, you'll recall that hip-hop was born out of inner city ghettos and that it was propelled by the virtue of it being a kind of sport, where the toughest were on top of the game, like LL Cool J and company. And Lupe Fiasco is a former gangbanger, with an underground track called "Pop Pop." He "conforms" just like the rest of them.

I respect that you at least have the brains to have a decent discussion instead of "shut the fuck up, the song is shit," but you do stick to the latter part of that imperative. How exactly this song is bad, I still haven't heard. To me, the flow is fast, concise, and funny. It certainly beats Pimp C on a good day.

[Pingu]

The funny thing is, kris would cross the street if he saw Rich Boy coming his way.
So would I

[hzac]

This was hilarious. Mainly stream rap is really really shit and they have no talent what so ever. Stop depending faggots who make money from playing on the radio and ringtones. They arent the rappers you should be defending mainly becuase they suck ass.

You should be idolising rappers such as Papoose, J.R Writer or even Stack Bundlez. These are the rappers that have been through it all and are actually educated and have knowledge and know how to use words. As Papoose calls it "thugacation, street smart and educated". Although confined to the genre of rap they use almost poetic ways to transcirbe thier lyrics to you. Or as 'da rappas call it', wordplay, metaphores, punches and personals.

Faggots like Rich Boy just talk about generic shit like money, cars and girls which dulls down the genre even more. Thank god for rappers like Papoose who keep proper worded and sophisticated ryhming lyrics in thier bars.

In conclusion, modulatum I understand where you are coming from, but defending mainstream retards who only got on the scene by sucking dick is only making it worse.

[modulatum]

This was hilarious. Mainly stream rap is really really shit and they have no talent what so ever. Stop depending faggots who make money from playing on the radio and ringtones. They arent the rappers you should be defending mainly becuase they suck ass.

You should be idolising rappers such as Papoose, J.R Writer or even Stack Bundlez. These are the rappers that have been through it all and are actually educated and have knowledge and know how to use words. As Papoose calls it "thugacation, street smart and educated". Although confined to the genre of rap they use almost poetic ways to transcirbe thier lyrics to you. Or as 'da rappas call it', wordplay, metaphores, punches and personals.

Faggots like Rich Boy just talk about generic shit like money, cars and girls which dulls down the genre even more. Thank god for rappers like Papoose who keep proper worded and sophisticated ryhming lyrics in thier bars.

In conclusion, modulatum I understand where you are coming from, but defending mainstream retards who only got on the scene by sucking dick is only making it worse.

I got respect for Pap, too. But J.R. Writer and Stack Bundlez? Those guys are irredeemably underground, no mass appeal. Second, how else do people make money in this business except for records, ringtones, and BDS spins? Hating people who get money in rap, how does that agree with defending Papoose, the 1.5 million dollar man, as he never fails to announce?
Everybody talks about money, cars, and girls. As if Pap's incessant gun talk doesn't become boring after a while, please. If you don't like Rich Boy, yeah, whatever, but there's no reason to dislike the professionals in his industry.

[Raxo]

"If I don't like it, I don't like it, but it don't mean that I'm hating" - Common

This holds true so if you like something and other people don't like just respect their opinion because if you don't yu'll get a pointless argument.

Modulatum you are the first person to show brains in defending this genre of rap music so you get kudos and let's stop arguing if this is good or not because it'll get us nowhere

[modulatum]

"If I don't like it, I don't like it, but it don't mean that I'm hating" - Common

This holds true so if you like something and other people don't like just respect their opinion because if you don't yu'll get a pointless argument.

Modulatum you are the first person to show brains in defending this genre of rap music so you get kudos and let's stop arguing if this is good or not because it'll get us nowhere

Agreed and thank you for your comments.
I didn't really want to argue with anyone, just point out the factual errors in the review, but I suppose some things are inevitable.

[hzac]

I got respect for Pap, too. But J.R. Writer and Stack Bundlez? Those guys are irredeemably underground, no mass appeal. Second, how else do people make money in this business except for records, ringtones, and BDS spins? Hating people who get money in rap, how does that agree with defending Papoose, the 1.5 million dollar man, as he never fails to announce?
Everybody talks about money, cars, and girls. As if Pap's incessant gun talk doesn't become boring after a while, please. If you don't like Rich Boy, yeah, whatever, but there's no reason to dislike the professionals in his industry.

Yeah I know what you mean, I was just stating the lyrical work from papoose in such songs as the Law Library set. These far outway the use of words used by Rich Boy. It might just be me, but I prefer when rappers your proper words not such dulled down slang that the likes of Richboy use. You feelin me? Anyway, we're cool, I agree with you for the most part, but I just thought I'd throw down my opinion on the matter.

[Azn Silk]

oh puleeeeze do one on Fall Out Boy!!!

I loved this article and the way you did it - I couldn't stand that song when I first heard it.

[Kris]

How's it going modulatum?

First off, this isn't an essay which was stated before.

Second off, The lyrics were printed as shown on several lyric sites. I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't understand what he's talking about (neither does he)

ANNNNND These articles are based on my reactions to the songs and video. So with all the shitty misleading slang, clarifying it is an awful idea. Since I being a listener of the song, can depict it in any way that the song leads me.

[ThrowMeAside]

ya um this has nothing to do with the article..

i just like your signature ..haha and its umm.. fun(?) to stare at it..

chup.

[modulatum]

How's it going modulatum?

First off, this isn't an essay which was stated before.

Second off, The lyrics were printed as shown on several lyric sites. I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't understand what he's talking about (neither does he)

ANNNNND These articles are based on my reactions to the songs and video. So with all the shitty misleading slang, clarifying it is an awful idea. Since I being a listener of the song, can depict it in any way that the song leads me.

1) Anything is an essay, be it a polemic, a discourse, a diatribe, or an article. Your critique of the song is an essay. If you can tell me how it isn't, I'd like to know.

2) Lyrics sites are notorious for being operated by dimwits who reprint erroneous lyrics to get ad revenue. That's the reason you saw so many duplicates. And while you may not understand what he's talking about, I did, and English isn't my first language. I suspect the reason I did is because I'm more used to black slang/accents since I listen to more rap than (presumably) you do.

3) If somewhere you heard a song by one of the forum members here that said "kris is the best," would you take it to mean that indeed, you are the best? What if later you found out it said "Ludacris is the best?" Would your opinion of the song change at all? Would you be at the very least mildly disappointed?
Yes, being a listener of the song, you can depict it any way the song leads you. So "kris is the best" can be taken to mean "kris wants to kill himself" if the song leads you to think about suicide. Are you in control of your thoughts or the artist?
My point isn't that you're not entitled to write a derisive review of the song: you are. My point is that if you are going to make fun of a song, do it with at least some honesty and integrity, so that your insults don't turn out later to be hollow and baseless.

Thank you for your reply.

[KoЯn fЯeaK]

Honestly, i can't stand rap. It's garbage, the music in the background is artificial, and all rappers do is write some crap about drug dealing, violent crimes, theft, prostitution and for some gay reason getting paid shitloads for it, and editing the words beyond the point of recognition so they rhyme. Rap = Crap.

Long Live Metal!

[hzac]

Korn isnt metal. Its gay.

[Raxo]

Not all rap is this bad.

To learn about good rap music read this thread.

http://forums.explosm.net/showthread.php?t=11432

:shobon:

[oPirateSatellite]

Hilarious. I love the part of the translation of the so called "Chorus". Assault That Women By Using Rims As A Projectile.

[jobaby_44]

ive never really looked at lyrics to songs....its amazing what kinda crap you can find that just really doesnt make any sense...or is just plain stupid

[Captainbob]

I personally dislike rap, but not all of it is bad, ya?

This song just sucks and the way Kris explained it was funny.

No need for people to get their knickers in a twist...

[Splint]

Awesome site i found http://alltruth.tk

[jmsdesigner]

One of my favorite articles.

Makes me laugh every time. Some rap music is just horrendous.

Hahahha yeah, I heard this one "song" that could make a hooker blush.

[heyluzr]

Throw Some D's
On Dat Bitch!!

Translates to:

Throw Some Rims
On That Woman

Translates to:

Assault That Women
By Using Rims As A Projectile.

Have no fear, ladies. He's talkin' bout a Cadillick.

I'm sorry for my usage of internet-ism, but LMAO. I wouldn't be able to tell you how many times I've read this article. It's wicked funny, and absolutely true!

[jesseman]

wow that was totally craptastic!! thanks kris for reminding me why i never listen to rap

[BranFlakes]

What php software do you guys use for the front page?

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/bankamp/)
Reason: Derail.

[reigninblood666]

Oh that Rich Boy and his "caddilicks" when I saw the video if their weren't any cars around suggesting he said "callilac" I would have thought that he said "Cattle lick" What a sick fuck bestiality is wrong lol. One day americans shall admitt that most of our most successful rap music wasn't written by talented musicians, but rather perverted retarded "gangstas" lol but until that day they will continue to be that way...and make me laugh like hell.

[Supermodel4u305]

The sad thing about Rich Boy is that he actually is extremely intelligent and was studying engineering before he dropped out of his university to create steaming dung piles like this video

[Ikin]

The sad thing about Rich Boy is that he actually is extremely intelligent and was studying engineering before he dropped out of his university to create steaming dung piles like this video

Damn it, this is why this country is going to hell.

[1cho1]

throwin some cheese

[Raxo]

Those brass fittings are fucking gangsta.

I wonder where rich boy is now.

[MszReese05]

i also wonder wut rich boy is up too.....I Like my rap music...but it sux that alot of good lyrical songs arnt as main stream as they should be.........Soulja Boy is trash in my opinion and i think there should be an article on that ;-D ) I Like Nas, Lupe, Old skool Jay-z (Dynasty is my fave album), Kanye (in college drop-out), and Missy E...AND pple blame "trashy" songs come from rap but in other genre of music u can find the same lyrics in a different beat!

[deanza]

Well, here we are again. I find myself catching sight of yet another absolutely horrible example of hip hop. It's just not fair. I want to move on to something fresh and new. Something that is a different flavor of horrible like Fall Out Boy or something. But the hip hop just stands out too much. When I saw this shit sandwhich, it gleamed with terrible. It gleamed in the only way a shit sandwhich can. How is that exactly? Let's ask Rich Boy.


http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/cadalick.png

I want to ease your way through this because I was unfortunate to hear it without warning. I'm guessing anyone who watches MTV has already seen it. I saw it on the internet, but I'm guessing it's all over MTV.

Anyhoozer, we're going to glide through this as the music video goes on.

[MORE]


It opens with Rich Boy shouting "GET MONEY! NEW MONEY! HAAAY!" as oh fuck rolls out my mouth. You can just feel how terrible this is already. Lyrics ahoy!



Now, thing you need to know about Rich Boy is he's got big ol' teef. So while he is laying down da rhymes, you can hear him slurp a little as saliva (PHAT ASS PLAYA saliva) builds up in his grill. I'm not sure if it effects his speech, all I know is he is incapable of making the "ah" sound that the letter A should. So the sentence of "Rich Boy Sellin' Crack Dope Niggas Wanna Jack Shit Tight No Slack Just Bought
A Cadillac"
turns into

"Rich Boy Sellin' Crick Dope Niggas Wanna Jick Shit Tight No Slick Just Bought
Cadillick"

I googled cadillick until my mind bruised, but there is no make of car called Cadillick. I'll be damned.

The video starts out (of course) with Rich Boy in front of the camera acting cool while scenes of expensive cars flash by.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/parade.png

Now for those who do not know the act of "throwin d's" let me translate. Throwin' D's is slappin' on some Rims (preferably Dayton) on a vehicle. I understand that'd be hard to grasp when you break down the sentence.

Throw Some D's
On Dat Bitch!!

Translates to:

Throw Some Rims
On That Woman

Translates to:

Assault That Women
By Using Rims As A Projectile.

Have no fear, ladies. He's talkin' bout a Cadillick.

[PAGE]



Notice how many times there SHOULD have been a Th in that chunk of rhymes. So he got his car souped up, color changed and he's sitting in the parking lot with a gun and some lollipops. Sounds like Rich Boy is finding some underage ladies to abduct, maybe kill with his hott glock. Lollipops supposedly make good bait when your sittin' in da parking 'lot of a Chuckie Cheese, you fucking perv. No wonder why you got your cars color changed when you're running from the cops for rape and homicide charges.




........wow....If da BIG CHAYNE doesn't impress you, even if DA BIG RIMS or the TAIL LIGHT doesn't impress you, how about his sudden tourette's will. CANDY PAINT!

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/chayne.png




Niggas wanna feel the wood in his H3? Wait...his hummer? What about your Cadillick, Rich Boy? Oh Rich Boy. You've just got so much money selling crick.

Speaking of which. This is Rich Boy's first single. His first fucking song. And he already has a 4 million+ budget music video on his first song because they know how much of a sucker America will consume out of this crap. Everyone wants to be Rich Boy (being the point of the song...I think.) Why? ....Rims? HELL YEAH, RIMS! Moving on.

[page]

When the chorus comes back up, everytime they say "THROW SOME D'S ON DAT BITCH" it shows a little girl for some uknown reason.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/lollipop.png


Look out, little girl! They're going to throw rims at you! Shyit Nigguh. Bitch don't be scratchin' da candy PAINT!

Now comes Polow Da Don, the guest rapper, with his fat rhymes.



As terrible as he is, he's better than Rich Boy. He gave the song a big right turn from putting on rims, sellin' crick, and lollipops, to having sex with women after taking the to da club. I have to say I'd like the idea of everyone having a picture of his dick on their walls. Why didn't I think of that? A picture of my dick for all the fans to hang on their walls? Find it in the merch section soon!

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/poster.png

[PAGE]

More expensive cars, repetative chorus, and several D's thrown. Here comes Rich Boy's 3rd verse.



That's got to be the best rhyme ever to grace rap. I GOT PEANUT BUTTER ICE CREAM AND PETER PAN SEATS! Wow. Don't spill any peanut budda ice cream on your peter pan seats, then you'll really be ridin' dirty. Rich Boy has a new hair cut to search for some freaks. Either I'm right about him dodging those felonies with the toddlers, or he is head of Mutant Control. Mutant Control is important and I salute thee, Rich Boy Candy Paint.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/toof.png



So to end the song, he has a girl, inc which he sticks his middle finger in her. MUST BE CUZ UV DA RIMZ! The whole end of the song shoots you in the face with obvious when you realise that whole song can be summarized to

"I bought a cadillac. I put rims on it."

But they blindside you with their awesome variety.

"I bought a cadillac. I put rims on it. I also like to fingerbang women."

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/Kris/finger.png


What an exciting conclusion. If you want to endure with me because you have not been intimidated by Rich Boy's pedophile like sweet toof, then you can find some videos on YouTube. Problem is it's a remix. But it's still got the lyrics.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4dYr6vrmI8c

Until next time...

hahahahahaha.....
i don't even know what to say.
although, i did look at the music video, and listened to the way he said words. you were right. all i could really do was laugh.

[happypanda88]

I have to say that this is utterly hilarious. I would have to agree that rap these days is getting rather ridiculous. Like 50 cents' "I get money" ... just to let you know fiddy... we know, and we dont care. Good job with this article Kris haha. :D

[HatMan134]

I loved the article, thought Modulations defense of a below average rapper was pretty hilarious. If this guy was such a commodity he wouldve made another HIT song by now. Also, as for the rather odd comment of saying Kris shouldve made fun of Eminem or 50 Cent rather than Rich Boy is silly. Eminems not exactly a guy who fits usual rap sterotypes, the guy makes fun of himself enough and makes people laugh, so why write a joke article about him?

Modulation, you took offense to an article that is obviously sarcastic in some senses and you blew it out of proportion and defended a plain old bad artist, good job.

[punkofspyte]

Rich boy is just down right funny.
Although, Eminem is a lyrical genious.
50 Cent, with how many time he was shot up, he should have been dead already...
that boy defys death like Bob Barkar;
and so what if your offended by these people, their funny and you can't take a joke, so learn some humor.
-thanks.

[punkofspyte]

hip hop is really terrible.

[Raxo]

You're really terrible.

[punkofspyte]

I am terrible, and the earlier you realize that, the better off in life you'll be.

[Raxo]

Well as long you realize you may carry with your uniformed opinion and I'll leave you alone.

[punkofspyte]

Why, thank you good Sir, for allowing me to say something that I already have the privilage of saying, indeed.
And Thank God we live in America,
where we can say anything so jerks like you can say and express idiocy that comes to your pathetic mind freely.
Which like 50 cent, is entertainment for the rest of us, although it sounds stupid.
So again, thank you good sir.

[Matt]

OH GOD STOP POSTING

[Crabstick]

And Thank God we live in America,
where we can say anything so jerks like you can say and express idiocy that comes to your pathetic mind freely.
Americans like you make me glad I'm Australian.

Sorry for posting Matt.

[punkofspyte]

Americans like you make me glad I'm Australian.

Sorry for posting Matt.

Good, and that's why your in Austrailia and not in America,
And you should stay there...
we need somebody to laugh at. (^_^)

[Maggot]

Fingerbang (http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/152175)

[lolguy]

Good, and that's why your in Austrailia and not in America,
And you should stay there...
we need somebody to laugh at. (^_^)
If we needed somebody to laugh at, we would laugh at you.

[punkofspyte]

If we needed somebody to laugh at, we would laugh at you.

Well then, what's stopping you?
Those who laugh at me have very low self-esteem and feel bad about themselves for their own Lame and Miserable existance, and the only way to get through their pathetic life is to laugh at somebody else to feel better about themselves.
So, Laugh away then, I don't mind. (^_^)

[Matt]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP POSTING

[Mr Anorexia]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP POSTING
:(

[woodentoast]

Well then, what's stopping you?
Those who laugh at me have very low self-esteem and feel bad about themselves for their own Lame and Miserable existance, and the only way to get through their pathetic life is to laugh at somebody else to feel better about themselves.
So, Laugh away then, I don't mind. (^_^)

I think I just found my new sig.

EDIT: Fucking hell it was too long, why can't you sound retarded in under 125 characters?

[punkofspyte]

I think I just found my new sig.

EDIT: Fucking hell it was too long, why can't you sound retarded in under 125 characters?

Dear Shut-Ins,
I realized most of you who are replying to me HAVE NO LIFE because you sit online and post all day,
thus you are reffered to as the term "shut-in".
Your are either Nerds who have no social life, 45 year-old fat people who are too ugly to step out into the daylight, or you just to young and stupid and really can't comprehend what one is typing.
Obviously you people have nothing better to do with your time then to keep replying to me, showing how retarded one is, like you Woodentoast, you have way too much time on your hands to count how many "characters" (their "letters", get it right before you attempt to insult me.) that I put into my posts.
I'm sorry some of you feel intimidated and/or too dumb to understand my sentence structures.

P.S.: Your mother sounded retarded in under 125 characters, sir woodentoast.

Yours Truely,
-punkofspyte (^_^)

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

[WoeStorm]

Holy shit you should stop posting forever.

[punkofspyte]

Holy shit you should stop posting forever.

You should stop posting forever.

[Tweek]

You make a good point.

[junglebunny]

Dear Shut-Ins,
I realized most of you who are replying to me HAVE NO LIFE because you sit online and post all day,
thus you are reffered to as the term "shut-in".
Your are either Nerds who have no social life, 45 year-old fat people who are too ugly to step out into the daylight, or you just to young and stupid and really can't comprehend what one is typing.
Obviously you people have nothing better to do with your time then to keep replying to me, showing how retarded one is, like you Woodentoast, you have way too much time on your hands to count how many "characters" (their "letters", get it right before you attempt to insult me.) that I put into my posts.
I'm sorry some of you feel intimidated and/or too dumb to understand my sentence structures.

P.S.: Your mother sounded retarded in under 125 characters, sir woodentoast.

Yours Truely,
-punkofspyte (^_^)

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

haha

[Metalhead636]

Dear Shut-Ins,
I realized most of you who are replying to me HAVE NO LIFE because you sit online and post all day,
thus you are reffered to as the term "shut-in".
Your are either Nerds who have no social life, 45 year-old fat people who are too ugly to step out into the daylight, or you just to young and stupid and really can't comprehend what one is typing.
Obviously you people have nothing better to do with your time then to keep replying to me, showing how retarded one is, like you Woodentoast, you have way too much time on your hands to count how many "characters" (their "letters", get it right before you attempt to insult me.) that I put into my posts.
I'm sorry some of you feel intimidated and/or too dumb to understand my sentence structures.

P.S.: Your mother sounded retarded in under 125 characters, sir woodentoast.

Yours Truely,
-punkofspyte (^_^)

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

God, its post like this that keep me coming back.

Also, this song is shit. I am happy it does not get radio play anymore.

[woodentoast]

Dear Shut-Ins,
I realized most of you who are replying to me HAVE NO LIFE because you sit online and post all day,
thus you are reffered to as the term "shut-in".
Your are either Nerds who have no social life, 45 year-old fat people who are too ugly to step out into the daylight, or you just to young and stupid and really can't comprehend what one is typing.
Obviously you people have nothing better to do with your time then to keep replying to me, showing how retarded one is, like you Woodentoast, you have way too much time on your hands to count how many "characters" (their "letters", get it right before you attempt to insult me.) that I put into my posts.
I'm sorry some of you feel intimidated and/or too dumb to understand my sentence structures.

P.S.: Your mother sounded retarded in under 125 characters, sir woodentoast.

Yours Truely,
-punkofspyte (^_^)

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Yeah it's not as if there was a message telling me it had to be under 125 characters (spaces and numbers as well you fucktard), I totally sat there counting them, and your shut-in argument makes no sense as you've sat here with a reply to everything as well :indiff:

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: In the distance, a single gunshot is heard. An admin must be dead.

[reredrum]

its all personal preference guys, i prefer rock, but i also like country, the opposite sides of the music spectrum, i respect rock and country music, but rap, no way. rap is the same thing over and over again, they just grab a more black looking person on the street, think of a somewhat catchy name, and say, yo. bitch. ugh. yaaaaaa. heey, throw some d's on dat bitch. how can you not find that repetative, i listen to a single rap song, ever. 50 cent, P.I.M.P.

[sspixie]

If I ever hear that song again, I'm gauging my ears out with fire ants

[chibot2000]

I love the way people take SO much offence over nothing.
And by nothing I mean, this song IS crap, and no amount of wordplay or "yeah i listen to rap 24/7 yo" is guna change that.
Also I agree, anyone over the age of 5, or anyone at all who even knows what microsoft word is knows what a character is.
And as for that guy saying Kris isn't funny... he is. And if you don't think so... why on a forum for the comic he co-writes? On an article he writes?

[PhantomGirl36]

I tried to watch the video that was posted at the end of the article. My ears bled. I honestly cried...I'm not joking. However, I did watch the entire monstrosity, special for you. But I don't know how you'll live with corrupting an innocent sixteen year old girl.

But...

If I get myself one of them "Cadillics," will I get hoes and bitches as well?
:D
I hope so.

Also...
To go along with your various child molester points, I was wondering if the guest speaker's "Every Bitch Should Have A Picture Of My
Dick On Dey Wall" extended to the younger generation of women. I know if I had a picture of a strange mans sexual organ on my wall, my mother would question the level of sexual activity that I'm involved in. Also, I just can't picture walking into the bedroom of a friend of mine and seeing a big floppy pinned to to the wall. It wouldn't match her gold comforter with the Fleur De Lis on it. Or her teapot collection. And does that phrase also reach over to gay men? Are they considered bitches? Trannies, too. Does he really want random men, women, and "its" laying on their beds fapping to a picture of his worn-out penis? Things like this make me wonder what "music's" evolved into. Repitition and vulgarity, that's what.
I find it difficult to resist a good rap rant.

<3--Morgan

[PhantomGirl36]

Dear Shut-Ins,
I realized most of you who are replying to me HAVE NO LIFE because you sit online and post all day,
thus you are reffered to as the term "shut-in".
Your are either Nerds who have no social life, 45 year-old fat people who are too ugly to step out into the daylight, or you just to young and stupid and really can't comprehend what one is typing.
Obviously you people have nothing better to do with your time then to keep replying to me, showing how retarded one is, like you Woodentoast, you have way too much time on your hands to count how many "characters" (their "letters", get it right before you attempt to insult me.) that I put into my posts.
I'm sorry some of you feel intimidated and/or too dumb to understand my sentence structures.

P.S.: Your mother sounded retarded in under 125 characters, sir woodentoast.

Yours Truely,
-punkofspyte (^_^)

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

You're silly. I'd like to feed you broken glass.

<3--Morgan

[PhantomGirl36]

Well then, what's stopping you?
Those who laugh at me have very low self-esteem and feel bad about themselves for their own Lame and Miserable existance, and the only way to get through their pathetic life is to laugh at somebody else to feel better about themselves.
So, Laugh away then, I don't mind. (^_^)

Why did you capitalize "lame" and "miserable?"
Just wondering.

<3--Morgan

[amyleeloverx3]

Rap is terrible. I do have to admit tho I like very few rap songs, but I like oldies rap, not that new shit that is terrible. Metal is the best and if you want to yell at me for saying that go ahead. Kris, this article is rad! I've read it like 100 times! Can't get enough of it!

[chibot2000]

Rap is terrible. I do have to admit tho I like very few rap songs, but I like oldies rap, not that new shit that is terrible. Metal is the best and if you want to yell at me for saying that go ahead. Kris, this article is rad! I've read it like 100 times! Can't get enough of it!

Although I agree Metal IS the shit, please don't say "rad" again... ever... please?
xD

[HYMEN_BUSTER]

wow....its funny nd frustrating dat rappers come out wit stupid shit like this...check out tech n9ne...i think u would like it better