Sex gets out of hand

[MistyTehMoose]

So I just saw on the news that this woman accidentally killed her husband during a bondage session.

Story here (http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2008/08/08/2328881.htm?section=australia)

So have you ever had any embarassing moments or injuries out of sex? Have you ever killed anyone during a particularly involved bondage session?

[Hawke]

Didn't someone post a thread here about a guy getting killed by a huge dildo getting stuffed up his ass?

And to answer your question no.

[Desert]

This dude came in my eye and I went 'Oh what the fuck!' Not the best moment in my life.

[Relaps]

Justice Ann Lyons is currently hearing sentencing submissions.

Bondage jokes in this news. I like it.

[Android]

I thought this thread was about masturbation gone wrong.

[HappyPalooza]

Haha, his face must've been red!

[Crabstick]

I got a crushed testicle once. Pain beyond belief.

[Relaps]

Who'd you get it from?

[Crabstick]

Who'd you get it from?

I don't have a safe answer for that question.

[MistyTehMoose]

It says in this article (http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=2024&art_id=nw20080805122325359C373875) that she tried to revive him by putting bulldog clips on his nipples :indiff:

[Desert]

I MUST meet this woman.

[Relaps]

I'm more freaked out at how the woman was 11 years older than he was.

[MistyTehMoose]

I'm more freaked out at how the woman was 11 years older than he was.

She's a cougar.

[Slutty McBangerton]

What are bulldog clips?

[Desert]

That.http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/37/Bulldog_Clip_2.jpg/180px-Bulldog_Clip_2.jpg

[MistyTehMoose]

This is a bulldog clip:

http://www.dorothymcghie.com/clip.jpg

Edit: Dammit, Desert :argh:

[Alcoholic]

I was going at it with a girl against her car in my driveway in the evening. We expected it to happen, but a person driving by slowly embarassed us plenty.
They totally wanted it though.

[HappyPalooza]

It says in this article (http://www.int.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=2024&art_id=nw20080805122325359C373875) that she tried to revive him by putting bulldog clips on his nipples :indiff:

Ahaha, you can't make this shit up.

[kussese]

I remember seeing on some show embarrassing 911 calls. One chick called in and...
"Hello this is 911"
"Hi I was makin' love to my boyfriend in the car and I think I broke his dick"
"You broke his what? His neck?"
"No! I broke his dick!"
"Oh, *can't help herself and lets out a chuckle* we'll send someone right over."

[Alcoholic]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/37/Bulldog_Clip_2.jpg/180px-Bulldog_Clip_2.jpg
New international wake-up call.

[Kwanza]

It's very rare that my sex life gets out of my hand.



































:(

[Niki]

This one guy farted once. It was kinda funny I guess.

[Alcoholic]

Kwanza, if I knew how to do the NSFW tags and all, I'd post a picture of a pocket-pussy, just for you.
Instead, follow this NSFW link:
http://www.sextoyland.co.uk/store/images/autumns_pussy_pocket_pal.jpg

[NVM]

Kwanza, if I knew how to do the NSFW tags and all, I'd post a picture of a pocket-pussy, just for you.
Instead, follow this NSFW link:
http://www.sextoyland.co.uk/store/images/autumns_pussy_pocket_pal.jpg

A flesh light seems more appealing, tbh.

[natalie137]

I fall off the bed regularly during sex, except when I'm drunk

[miimii]

ih ave

aspergers

[Deimos]

That toy looks very throwable

[Alcoholic]

The pocket pussy? Hell yes it is. I found some at this porn shop me and my buddies were making fun of, and it definitely flies.

And to hell if it isn't great in bed.

[Cristo]

I'll get back to you once I've had kinky bondage sex and been in a horrible accident.

[Ziggy St. Valentine]

I'll get back to you once I've had sex.

Fixed.
My ex once threw me out of bed because I tried to put it in her arse, does that count as a horrible 'accident' ?

[Niki]

That counts as a good decision on her part.

[Ercoledi]

I guess one could say she's tied up in litigation.

I'd also like to cement the fact that I have not killed anyone whilst in flagrante.

[CharlieH]

I fall off the bed regularly during sex, except when I'm drunk

Hahaha, Leslie Ash.

I fell asleep once. I was very drunk, and very tired. It wasn't funny. :(

[Deimos]

This thread leaves me breathless

[Mirrorman]

My sex stays in my hand.
:wail:

[natalie137]

Hahaha, Leslie Ash.

I fell asleep once. I was very drunk, and very tired. It wasn't funny. :(

Oh I did that too. Then woke up the next day and couldn't even remember having sex

[Mirrorman]

Oh I did that too. Then woke up the next day and couldn't even remember having sex

That had to be some shitty sex.

[CharlieH]

It was ok, but it's monotonous.

[Mirrorman]

You had to be the bottom one, because if you have to move yourself, it would be really awkward to fall asleep.

[natalie137]

That had to be some shitty sex.

He ripped my top and my expensive tights too :mad:

It wasn't the best sex ever after all, it was britshit

[Mirrorman]

He had to do something to look like he was really great at sex.

[CharlieH]

Was that Tom? :roffle:

[Allen]

My sex stays in my hand.
:wail:

It's very rare that my sex life gets out of my hand.


:(

It's been done, faggot.

[Mirrorman]

I was being completely serious.

[notafan]

Well all the sex that I've had is in my hand, so I can only imagine what it's like when it gets out of hand.

EDIT: NICE JOB STEALING MY JOKE KWANZA

But no my sex is usually under control.

[McGruff]

I have my kinky bondage sex the way the lord intended. With a safe word.

[Jade]

He ripped my top and my expensive tights too :mad:


That sounds like rape.

[natalie137]

Practically was

[RobType0]

I've been farted on whilst I was, well, let's just say my head was in pretty much the worst place to be when a girl farts. Yeah, I headbutted her ovaries in response.

[Vin]

I've been farted on whilst I was, well, let's just say my head was in pretty much the worst place to be when a girl farts. Yeah, I headbutted her ovaries in response.

How did you fit your whole head inside her colon?

[Kwanza]

I've been farted on whilst I was, well, let's just say my head was in pretty much the worst place to be when a girl farts. Yeah, I headbutted her ovaries in response.
So after she takes a slight dump on your head, you oh nevermind I don't even care

[RobType0]

How did you fit your whole head inside her colon?

Um okay, I'll concede. Maybe the third or fourth worst place to be. If she hadn't have farted, it'd be pretty much the best place to be. Yeah, you're just being >90°.

So after she takes a slight dump on your head, you oh nevermind I don't even care

Yeah, it's not even interesting.

[Jade]

Practically was

You should probably get some therapy. I'm going to need it after just thinking about it. Eeew.

[OddKid506]

When I die, I hope it's during sex because that would be the best way to go.
It'd be good knowing my last moment alive was spent climaxing like a horse on viagra.

[Kwanza]

You said during sex, not after finishing. Dying during would be terrible, you'd never finish!!!

[OddKid506]

As far as I'm concerned, you're not finished until your last drop of seed has been spilled over the boobies of your lady-friend. Just a few milliseconds before your stream of love juice ceases to spurt from your tip is when I'd like to kick the bucket.

Which I believe would still be classed as during sex.

[Alcoholic]

You said during sex, not after finishing. Dying during would be terrible, you'd never finish!!!

But you'd die pretty happy. Then again, I don't even know what sex is like.

[Chrisso]

MY SEX IS IN MY HAND! YEA!

HAHA!

GET IT?

IN MY HAND!
































I MASTURBATE

[Giggles1245]

You said during sex, not after finishing. Dying during would be terrible, you'd never finish!!!

That'd be really awkard... a guy doing you doggy style and all of a sudden he stops in the -very- middle. "...Um...are you okay?" ... AWKWARD


Besides, you're horny, and the sex partner's dead.. now what? :ahe:






:lol:

[WakeMeUp]

I nearly made my GF throw up by sticking my dick a bit to far down her throat.

And ive recieved a knee to the testicles by my ex when i was flipping her on top of me.

[lttheninja]

I nearly made my GF throw up by sticking my dick a bit to far down her throat.

And ive recieved a knee to the testicles by my ex when i was flipping her on top of me.
I should punch you in the dick for lying.

[MrDoctor]

I don't even think he has a dick.

[this is not a post]

Don't even bother calling people out in threads like these. People love to brag, and it's obvious 90% of the people doing the bragging are bullshitters, so just leave it like that

[Graft]

Besides, you're horny, and the sex partner's dead.. now what? :ahe:
Wait for rigor mortis to set in.
Don't even bother calling people out in threads like these. People love to brag, and it's obvious 90% of the people doing the bragging are bullshitters, so just leave it like that

People don't lie on the internets. :facts:

[this is not a post]

Yes, yes they do.

[Alcoholic]

But you'd die pretty happy. Then again, I don't even know what sex is like.

I was bragging too. :wink:

[MrDoctor]

This is what happens when you stray from the teaching of the lord and start delving into the devils work.

[Crabstick]

One time I made my girlfriend pregnant. :facts:

[Slutty McBangerton]

One time I made my girlfriend pregnant. :facts:
Did you eat the placenta?

[Alcoholic]

One time I made my girlfriend pregnant. :facts:

Did you eat the placenta?

Yeah, and then he went and got my girlfriend pregnant and ate that placenta too. Bogartin' bastard. :argh:

[Stickperson]

Did you eat the placenta?

That only happens when you actually have the baby.

He ate the baby first.

[BreakTheWalls]

The only real thing that has gotten out of hand with me is sometimes I overdo it with the lovebites. Can't help it though, she was totally enjoying it. Then she had to cover her neck with a scarf for a few days :D

[SlothMan]

Once when my girlfriend was climaxing, I accidentaly cut some guys head off on a bus.

[Giggles1245]

People don't lie on the internets. :facts:


Except for the guys on "How To Catch A Predator" who claim to be 16 year old boys/girls, and are really fat stinky bald old men :|

Plus, technically the people trying to catch the predators lie. :facts:

[Allen]

The only real thing that has gotten out of hand with me is sometimes I overdo it with the lovebites. Can't help it though, she was totally enjoying it. Then she had to cover her neck with a scarf for a few days :D

What are you, 14?

[blltmssgy]

She was fucking 58!



This is proof old people are bored with their sex lives.

[Erinnn]

I once hit my head on a wall during sex. I'm a girl, so, my actual head. Not a penis head. It hurt like hell too...

[MrDoctor]

I once hit my head on a wall during sex. I'm a girl, so, my actual head. Not a penis head. It hurt like hell too...

So how hard did you hit your penis?

[Alcoholic]

I once hit my head on a wall during sex. I'm a girl, so, my actual head. Not a penis head. It hurt like hell too...

Eh, I give girls concussions every time I sex them up, but not using the wall :wink:
Getting in bed with me is taking your life into your own hands.

[LaPhBu]

Eh, I give girls concussions every time I sex them up, but not using the wall :wink:
Getting in bed with me is taking your life into your own hands.

Thats because the only way you can get into a girls pants is by knockin' her out.:roffle:

[Alcoholic]

Thats because the only way you can get into a girls pants is by knockin' her out.:roffle:

It's funny 'cause it's true. :frown:

[asphysciated_emus]

You've ruined a rofl

[ghostboy666]

You've ruined a rofl

Haha I concur.

Um for me sex got a little out of control when my girlfriend said that she wanted me to rape her. I got a little freaked out then. Not to mention that it was a major turn off.

Also rolled out of bed once when having sex. The girl and I were fighting for who got to be on top. She won in the end which isn't always a bad thing BUT considering that I fell out of the bed and onto one of her high-heeled shoes didn't make things any better.

[Mistook]

Um for me sex got a little out of control when my girlfriend said that she wanted me to rape her. I got a little freaked out then. Not to mention that it was a major turn off.

Why do all guys find rape fantasies to be a turn off? It's such a shame...

[Atreyu]

I heard of a Story a Guy and a girl were having anal sex. As the were getting into it, harder and faster, she built up gas in her system, and the guy apparantly squeezed he stomach during the erotic play. She farted and the the gases went down his penis, and created an gas bubble in his kidney, soon resulting in kidney stones.

[Slutty McBangerton]

I heard of a Story a Guy and a girl were having anal sex. As the were getting into it, harder and faster, she built up gas in her system, and the guy apparantly squeezed he stomach during the erotic play. She farted and the the gases went down his penis, and created an gas bubble in his kidney, soon resulting in kidney stones.
Gas can't result in kidney stones :science:

[Crabstick]

I heard of a Story a Guy and a girl were having anal sex. As the were getting into it, harder and faster, she built up gas in her system, and the guy apparantly squeezed he stomach during the erotic play. She farted and the the gases went down his penis, and created an gas bubble in his kidney, soon resulting in kidney stones.

Why would you ruin such an honest thread with your filthy lies?

[The Fetus]

My current girlfriend and I can't have sex because she has some serious back problems. She said she could get shots to numb it and all that, but there're side-effects, so I was all like, "If it's going to hurt you, then we shouldn't even bother." And she continues the insinuating. And because of her spine and such, she's going to die before age thirty... Which I found out a few hours ago. :indiff:

But I'm sure it would be painful for her. I'm sure that her spinal plates would split outside of her lower back if I even tried to poke her.

[Crabstick]

Maybe stop doing it in this position (http://msp179.photobucket.com/albums/w299/guitaraloha/s_wheelbarrow.jpg) (might be NSFW, if you're prudish)

[Mistook]

My current girlfriend and I can't have sex because she has some serious back problems. She said she could get shots to numb it and all that, but there're side-effects, so I was all like, "If it's going to hurt you, then we shouldn't even bother." And she continues the insinuating. And because of her spine and such, she's going to die before age thirty... Which I found out a few hours ago. :indiff:

But I'm sure it would be painful for her. I'm sure that her spinal plates would split outside of her lower back if I even tried to poke her.

So, you're going to let her die a virgin? That sucks, for the both of you.

[Atreyu]

Im dont know if it was the gas that caused the Kidney stones...maybe it was the poo she shat into his hole? I would be scared to bang a girl anal, and have my dick explode after she farts!!!

[BKS]

Well all the sex that I've had is in my hand, so I can only imagine what it's like when it gets out of hand.

EDIT: NICE JOB STEALING MY JOKE KWANZA

But no my sex is usually under control.

Would you say you are notafan of taking sexual risks?

Also, I found it humorous in I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, that part where he gets his dick shat on.

[Slutty McBangerton]

Im dont know if it was the gas that caused the Kidney stones...maybe it was the poo she shat into his hole? I would be scared to bang a girl anal, and have my dick explode after she farts!!!
Fecal matter can never cause kidney stones.

Your story is as flawed as your science.

[Stickperson]

Show me a penis exploding while being shat upon and I will pay you good money my friend, seeing as that is biologically impossible. Unless your penis is combustible and someone shat out fire all over it.

[emiliasaurus]

I always seem to hit my head on the wall, causing many a bumps and bruises.

We also fell off the bed once and onto the cat :indiff:. He was not pleased.

[ghostboy666]

Show me a penis exploding while being shat upon and I will pay you good money my friend, seeing as that is biologically impossible. Unless your penis is combustible and someone shat out fire all over it.
I havn't laughed that hard at a post on any forum in my life :D

I always seem to hit my head on the wall, causing many a bumps and bruises.

We also fell off the bed once and onto the cat :indiff:. He was not pleased.

Yeah I can Imagine that the cat wasn't pleased at all, I mean having two people fall on you when you're a person is bad enough but when your a cat? Jesus that has to suck

[junglebunny]

My sex never gets out of hand because i mainly use my hand for sex because i masturbate so often

[Ox]

WANKING!

[CrownRoyal]

The first time I had sex she actually squirted all over my ceiling and an awful smell has lingered there ever since.

[Nigel]

Late night wake-up-sex during which I got hickeys like I was beaten by a bag of oranges.

[Dandini]

The first time I had sex she actually squirted all over my ceiling and an awful smell has lingered there ever since.


If you don't enjoy the smell of female ejaculate, you're not a real man!

Unless you made her piss in which case you must have things a bit wrong.

[CrownRoyal]

Squirt juice is mostly urine.

[Giggles1245]

The first time I had sex she actually squirted all over my ceiling and an awful smell has lingered there ever since.

I remember hearing that some kid in my drama class came on his ceiling, and that it was even dripping xD I thought that was a bit awkward.

[natalie137]

Research in this area has concentrated almost exclusively on attempts to prove that it is not urine measuring substances such as urea, creatinine, prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP), prostate specific antigen (PSA), glucose and fructose levels.

[Christoffason]

The first time I had sex she actually squirted all over my ceiling and an awful smell has lingered there ever since.

I'm confused, I don't know whether to hate you for lying or treat that as a joke.

I had sex once, it was outrageous.

[Giggles1245]

....so what was all that in English? :ahe:

[Prawnatron]

....so what was all that in English? :ahe:

This.


Originally Posted by Wikipedia
Research in this area has concentrated almost exclusively on attempts to prove that it is not urine measuring substances such as urea, creatinine, prostatic acid phosphatase (PAP), prostate specific antigen (PSA), glucose and fructose levels.

[Vin]

If Wikipedia doth spake it, it is truth, and none shall deny it, for so it is written.

[Evan7Evan]

The sex is fine, but the places I come to avoid cleaning up are out of control.... I rolled to the side of my gf at-the-time's bed and "unleashed the fury" and about 2 mins after the fact...during the 'quiet period' of catching my breath we heard a licking noise off to the side where i came and lone behold, I came on the dog...and it was licking it off itself.....

[Vin]

The sex is fine, but the places I come to avoid cleaning up are out of control.... I rolled to the side of my gf at-the-time's bed and "unleashed the fury" and about 2 mins after the fact...during the 'quiet period' of catching my breath we heard a licking noise off to the side where i came and lone behold, I came on the dog...and it was licking it off itself.....

That's pretty damn disgusting. I mean, for god's sake never euphemize ejaculation in that way again.

[Evan7Evan]

That's pretty damn disgusting. I mean, for god's sake never euphemize ejaculation in that way again.

but i did it with a furious look on my face...slowly diminishing as I emptied?

[hoopymo]

The sex is fine, but the places I come to avoid cleaning up are out of control.... I rolled to the side of my gf at-the-time's bed and "unleashed the fury" and about 2 mins after the fact...during the 'quiet period' of catching my breath we heard a licking noise off to the side where i came and lone behold, I came on the dog...and it was licking it off itself.....

That truly is the greatest sex tale ever.

[Iceshade]

Everyone one of you is full of shit.



'cept for Kwanza.

[peasupplyco]

Kwanza poops the same as all of the rest of us.

[Dandini]

Kwanza poops the same as all of the rest of us.

Kwanza's poop is as clean and pure as the giggles of newborn babies.

[peasupplyco]

I stand corrected. Thank you good sir.

[PublicRestrooms]

Anal equals shit on cock.

[Ziggy St. Valentine]

Anal equals shit on cock.

Obviously you've never done anal. If the girl wipes her arse then there is nothing there. My ex loves anal and I never got shit on my penis once.

[PublicRestrooms]

Oh, you'd be surprised.

[Ureshii]

My friends big brother was having sex with this really hot girl. Apparently his 14 inch penis impaled her through the stomach. She was taken to the hospital and died 3 days later.

[Prawnatron]

My friends big brother was having sex with this really hot girl. Apparently his 14 inch penis impaled her through the stomach. She was taken to the hospital and died 3 days later.

That sounds like something Cptlol would say, except he would replace his friend's big brother with himself.

[CalculatePie314]

No, more likely "really hot girl" would be replaced with "ginger who I thought was a girl."

[xkittenxsocksx]

No, more likely "really hot girl" would be replaced with "ginger who I thought was a girl."

HEY DON'T BAD MOUTH JONC.

[junglebunny]

I love shit on my cock

[Shomozoaeas]

One time I was shrooming balls, and I fell down a flight of concrete stairs at a friends apartment complex, scraped most of the skin off my right palm, and my sex life wasn't so great for a while :(
Although, blood makes for better lubrication than one would think.

[Ureshii]

That sounds like something Cptlol would say, except he would replace his friend's big brother with himself.

Don't doubt me man. My friend Steve is right behind me (the younger brother) he'll testify for me.

yo its all true. my big bro did screw some real hot chick and impaled her stomach. she then died and shit. lol.

You can't argue with empirical evidence.

[Haggis McSpud]

When the woman found out her husband was dead.. do you think she stopped and called an ambulance or finished up first?

[MistyTehMoose]

When the woman found out her husband was dead.. do you think she stopped and called an ambulance or finished up first?

Well judging by the fact she tried to revive him with bulldog clips, I'd say she finished off.

[Haggis McSpud]

Now thats dominating!

[Ercoledi]

Like, DRABC, right? Aren't you supposed to pinch their earlobes?

Wait. Why did I immediately infer that she attached the clips to his nipples?

[mohaas05]

This is a perfect example of why women should be unconscious while having sex.

[Slutty McBangerton]

This is a perfect example of why women should be unconscious while having sex.
Thats not very useful if you are into bondage.

[Haggis McSpud]

I bet all the people in prison with her are pissing themselves laughing at her. Bless.

[this is not a post]

No, just pissing on her, as she asked.

[mohaas05]

No, just pissing on her, as she asked.

This would make a good porn series actually.

[this is not a post]

A 50 year old woman, in jail, being pissed on by very butch inmates?

Would need a hell of a title to get many sales.

[Haggis McSpud]

Not necessarily; "50 Year Old Dominatrix Murderer Gets Pissed On By Butch Lesbian iInmates" is pretty eye - catching, i think.

[cptlol]

I was having sex with this really hot girl. Apparently my 200 inch penis impaled her through the stomach. She was taken to the hospital and died 3 days later.

[LaPhBu]

Wow.. cptlol, you are dumb.

[Ercoledi]

Yeah, I hear all the cool kids are using metric now.

[mohaas05]

I was having sex with this really hot girl. Apparently my 0.200 inch penis impaled her through the stomach. She was taken to the hospital and died 3 days later.

You forgot to move the decimal.

Fixed it for you.

[pedelor]

worst moment, my grandfather walked in on us during a 69 moment. :/ so embarasing

[Giggles1245]

When the woman found out her husband was dead.. do you think she stopped and called an ambulance or finished up first?

Didn't it say that she went to take a shower, and when she came back she found him blue in the face and then did all that clamps on the nipples to revive bullshit?


I remember hearing on the radio a while back (( like a day after the Olympics started )) that some guy in China was chilling on a bench in a park (( one of those benches with holes in it )) and he decided that it'd be a good lay or some shit. He called 911 in the middle of night saying he got his penis stuck, they had to cut the bench off and take him to the ER.

Now thats embarrasing.

[Haggis McSpud]

worst moment, my grandfather walked in on us during a 69 moment. :/ so embarasing

Shouldn't this be in the "most embarrassing moment" thread?

[mohaas05]

Shouldn't this be in the "most embarrassing moment" thread?

Depends if he was embarrassed or turned on.

[Haggis McSpud]

Depends if he was embarrassed or turned on.

He said it was embarrassing, but it could be a cover up.

[Giggles1245]

He said it was embarrassing, but it could be a cover up.

Gay D:

Although, he has a point.

[grim35094]

Wow... Freaky. I haft to watch out for that.

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Major bump.