The Night Before Christmas

[Rob]

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Except for my son Billy's pet mouse named Chris.
I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/house.jpg

Anyway, my wife in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Were asleep after a long day of Christmassy crap.
When then, from the chimney, there arose quite a clamor,
"There's someone in the house" my frightened wife stammered.
I reached for the bedside, grabbed my handgun and said,
"This trespasser's getting an ass full of lead"

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/02b.jpg

[MORE]

I crept down the stairway, and slid down the hall,
And, handgun in hand, I peered 'round the wall.
The burglar wore red, and stood fat and stout,
With a large burlap sack, to hold jewelry no doubt.
Who this guy was, I just couldn't place,
For a bushy white beard covered most of his face.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/03.jpg

Now, I'm not a bad person, I think you'd agree,
But you just don't break into a man's house, you see.
"Hey you" I said, as he spun 'round with a twitch,
"Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch!"
I fired a shot as he dove to the floor.
Through a flurry of tinsel, I fired twice more.
"Please stop!" he yelled loudly, "You don't understand"
"Stay away from my family, you disgusting old man"

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/04c.jpg

With his finger on his nose, he lept with a burst,
And dashed for the fireplace, but I got there first.
I pushed the muzzle into his beard white as snow,
When suddenly a small voice behind me cried "No!"

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/05.jpg

I turned 'round and saw it was Billy, my son.
With his pet mouse in hand, he said "Put down the gun.
What are you doing? Don't you know who that is?
Couldn't you tell by that red hat of his?
That's Santa Claus, dad. It's jolly Saint Nick.
Now put down the gun. Come on, don't be a dick."
Billy was right, this old man meant no harm.
I holstered my gun, as he outstretched his arm.
In a flash he took the gun right out of its holder,
And fired a shot into my left shoulder.

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/shot.jpg

"Goddamnit!" I cried as I fell to the floor,
While the burglar made haste toward the jewelry drawer.
"I feel kind of bad" he said, filling his sack,
"But you believe in Santa, so cut me some slack.
Maybe next time someone breaks into your house,
You won't listen to some six year old kid with a mouse."

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/stuffer.jpg

Then he yelled, as he ran off with my bigscreen TV,
"Merry Christmas to all. Well, maybe to me!"

http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Writing/rob/nightbeforechristmas/final.jpg





Written and Illustrated by Rob DenBleyker

[I_Smell]

This site is run by bastards. Clever, witty bastards.

[Broodlord]

That's one good poem "Merry Christmas, you son of a bitch!" That's a good line.
Never put you weapon down.

[xatm092]

Pure genius, every line.

I didn't see the ending coming until it was too late.

[natalie137]

Beautiful

[Godly]

Haha, now doesn't that just fill you up with Christmas cheer?

Quite a delightful story.

[LolJP]

HaHA! That was amazingly awesome! It's a very enjoyful read.

Great work! xD

[Raxo]

That was pretty disappointing.

[Arantor]

Made me chuckle at this late hour.

[Jabo]

If you see a fat red-dressed old man breaking into your house,
dont hesitate and be sure about shooting at him,
or you might end up with nothing more than a pair of.. cows?
Another solution might be, to try the results of the gym.

[ssandiiee]

Now this is the kind of story you tell your children, so they will forever be scared of santa clause!
I like it, I like it alot.

Merry Christmas Rob, you funny funny bastard. =D
*sends the poem to all her friends*

[Frobes]

If you see a fat red-dressed old man breaking into your house,
dont hesitate and be sure about shooting at him,
or you might end up with nothing more than a pair of.. cows?
Another solution might be, to try the results of the gym.

Good thing you didn't write this

[Kris]

Well...in Explosm they say
That the Rob's small heart
Grew three sizes that day!



Thanks to all natural enhancements

[Ercoledi]

I enjoyed that.

[Hjalte]

That is fucking brilliant.

[DigitalCowboy]

Total friggin awesomeness.

[Urser]

It flowed well. T'was good.

[HappyPandaFace]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

*appreciation*

[BreakTheWalls]

Just goes to show that dressing as Santa is not just a great way to get kids to sit on old mens laps willingly but also an effective tool for robbing peoples houses.

Most splendid.

[Tagman]

I liked the part when the guy said he was going to fill the trespasser's ass full of lead.

[Hickabod]

I thought that this was going to be an interactive story =[

[bogepie]

loved it
Bugger to you all at christmas

[Greger]

Great story!
Make it a childrens book, time to learn the kids that santa claus is only a fraud ;(

[BridgeNewbie]

awsome!

you so should be made into a flas animation, most definately!!

[Prawnatron]

I liked the art.

[CharlieH]

Bravo, Rob. Very good.

[qqquigley]

Man, I always just KNEW that the red suit and beard meant no good...I wasn't sure till now though.

[Quadros]

That kid's a dick.

[Ercoledi]

He was saving his dad from jail - I mean, a gun is hardly equal or lesser force.

[Quadros]

To MAGIC POWERS AND A FLYING SLED? I think it is.

[Ercoledi]

NO QUADROS THE POINT OF THE POEM IS THAT SANTA IS NOT REAL AND CHRISTMAS IS A FARCE BORNE OF THE INNATE HUMAN NEED FOR MATERIAL GOODS AND THAT OF CORPORATIONS FOR A COMMERCIALIST CULTURE.

[007]

I was told as a kid that santa is an obese pedofilic man...

[lolguy]

The fat fucker should have had his brains blown out.
It was a good poem anyways. Bravo Rob.

[Logy]

BEST CHRISTMAS STORY EVER!

[LASERSandHATS]

haha!!! brilliant!!!
thats was the funniest poem i ever read!!!
no offence but the comics hav been crap for about a month now (which makes u hipocrites after that article on disaster movie) but this made me regain faith in u guys!

[lolguy]

The comics are good. And how don't you like the disaster movie article? Everything they said in that article is true.

[Benjaman]

Art was good but the joke left much to be desired 7/10.

[FuriousPineapple]

Desire was good but the art left must to be joked 10/7.

[somebody]

So this wasn't a true story?

[Prawnatron]

http://forums.explosm.net/image2.php?u=46085&dateline=1216853937&type=profile

[Mooseluver8]

I really liked the style of art...like the kinda blotchy look was cool

[abcdemilyy]

i really enjoyed it,
good job :D!
x

[Quadros]

NO QUADROS THE POINT OF THE POEM IS THAT SANTA IS NOT REAL AND CHRISTMAS IS A FARCE BORNE OF THE INNATE HUMAN NEED FOR MATERIAL GOODS AND THAT OF CORPORATIONS FOR A COMMERCIALIST CULTURE.

WTF DO YOU MEAN SANTA'S NOT REAL I'LL FIGHT YOU ASSHOLE I'M LIKE SEVEN FEET TALL

[Benjaman]

I felt this story RobD me of my time.

[DamnRazzberries]

sweeeet!

[Tweek]

I felt this story RobD me of my time.
come on man, get into the spirit of krismas.

[Urser]

Does it really Matter?

[Mirrorman]

WTF DO YOU MEAN SANTA'S NOT REAL I'LL FIGHT YOU ASSHOLE I'M LIKE SEVEN FEET TALL

More like seven inches, amirite?

Just bloody wonderful Rob ol' chap.

[BreakTheWalls]

Does it really Matter?

It seems like Dave lost the spirit of the holiday. (They've)

That's all I could work with.

[HailCrest]

I feel we all should endaveour to keep the spirit alive.

edit: Ah crap, got beaten to it.

[Benjaman]

I've always liked Kwanza better than Christmas, anyway.

[Rob]

Hey guys, stop that.

[El Travo]

Awesome job on this Rob!

[Kenneeeeee]

Very clever.

Whupeeeeeeeeesh.

[LASERSandHATS]

The comics are good. And how don't you like the disaster movie article? Everything they said in that article is true.

what are u talking about?
just look at today's comic for example
a tiny person on a watch?
how shitty is that?
i know the disaster movie article was true, and it was a good article, but in it they were saying that if the guys cant make funny movies, they shouldnt be allowed to make them at all
and here they are now, making crap comics every day instead of taking a few days off to think some out

[Jinjiro]

Well done! I didn't see that ending coming though.

[Andrew232527]

funny as

[BreakTheWalls]

what are u talking about?
just look at today's comic for example
a tiny person on a watch?
how shitty is that?
i know the disaster movie article was true, and it was a good article, but in it they were saying that if the guys cant make funny movies, they shouldnt be allowed to make them at all
and here they are now, making crap comics every day instead of taking a few days off to think some out

Yeh, we should so ask for a refund :ahe:.

[PerfectRandomness]

Burglar's should do that around Christmas. Dress up like Santa and who knows what could happen. The beard is a powerful thing.

http://www.partydomain.co.uk/d-commerce/media/main/1/14145.jpg

What would you do if that guy broke into your house?^^^

[Maylinda]

Sheesh, you listened to your kid??? NEVER listen to kids! That's why they're called 'kids'!! I don't blame fake Santa!

[Assassin]

that was fucken gay

[DoctorButt]

Kids aren't people!

[lolguy]

Yeh, we should so ask for a refund :ahe:.
Yes. I want my life, my dignity, and my virginity back.

[Lausen]

Burglar's should do that around Christmas. Dress up like Santa and who knows what could happen. The beard is a powerful thing.

http://www.partydomain.co.uk/d-commerce/media/main/1/14145.jpg

What would you do if that guy broke into your house?^^^

I know what I wouldn't do... Give him cookies and milk, he already needs a fitness instructor.
Awesome poem Rob, Deserves a medal.

[G-nius]

Frankly I am so disgusted that I want to shag the arse of ye with no balloon animals to look at me funnily

[thomas30113]

At first, I didn't want to read it, so i just forced myself, like I do to most of these comics. But at the end it was really nice. Oh yea that was awesome, do make another... or not.

[Ferno]

Haha, that was funny!
I have translated the poem to Brazilian Portuguese, keeping the rhymes, so I could show it to my brother. I can send my version to the author if he wants it.

[iiLucy831]

lol this is great. good job :)

[JLS1]

A Christmas holiday (http://www.christmasgiftscottage.com) is associated with giving gifts for families, friends and the needy and it is associated with various decorations like Christmas trees, holly Santa Claus, nativity scenes, Christmas lights and mistletoe.

[Morph]

Haha, stupid kids..

If you do find "Santa" walking around your house, don't be hesitant to beat him with a baseball bat.
Seriously, even if it was the real "Santa" , imagine if you caught him :P

[ieatpaintchips]

that gave me quite a chubster

[babythisisit]

hahahah good one rob

[SizzlingNickel]

That's nice drawings

[Benjaman]

Oh wow, almost 3 pages and nobody has asked what program you did this in.

[Rob]

Photoshop.

[thatgirl]

LOL!!! i was like curled up on my bed laughing!!! i almost hurled! maybe you should make another one of these thingees!

[frosty_the_snow_man]

laughed my ass off hilarious

[TiAcca]

weird... :o

[Haggis McSpud]

I hated it.

[abbey]

fucking, comic sans.

[qwatt]

hello

[Tweek]

hey man

[chris-rock]

this was an awesome little story, i told my gf about this and she was pissin her pants.

[xCRASHxTESTxDUMMIEx]

Lol definatly worth a R0fl-C0pTER and a LOLOL

Good job (:

Whats with the haters, sence of humors for sale, going cheap... c'mon.

[kuchikirukia]

haha . good one.

[Chainzz]

Nice, nice.

[WhiteFangHatake]

wow for a second i thought it was an m. night shamylan movie "What a Twist!"

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Bump.

[VioletSadi]

wow. I never saw that coming.

[Darkgretzky99]

EPIC