Awkward Fun

[Valkyrie]

Share those awkward tales Explosm!
Any awkward situations you've been in, or something you've been caught doing and how you got out of it? Like making out with another girl when your girlfriend walks in, or your parents walk in on you wanking - anything along those lines.

Personally I had this friend who quite liked his pot - and his mother found his stash. So he comes home and all hell breaks loose. And his defense? ITS OREGANO MOM I SWEAR! YOU DON'T BELEIVE ME?! TRY IT! SMOKE IT!! SHIT YOU NEVER BELIEVE ME!!!!
Pretty lame hey? Well the lucky bastard got away with it - his mum believed him, and the worst was he made her feel bad!

[abbey]

That's not awkward, that's his mom being a dumbass.

[Valkyrie]

That's not awkward, that's his mom being a dumbass.

Its the situation that counts - I was just amazed at the fact that his mum was that stupid...

[Derelict]

I was watching T.V. with my buddy and his girlfriend in his bedroom, and I looked over to say something about the show and she was sucking his dick. He just started laughing and I got up and left. I don't blame him because, honestly, who's going to turn down a blow job. They're not going out anymore, but holy shit she was a slut. That was a little awkward later.

[Metalhead636]

A bunch of friends and I were hanging out, and my friend Zach saw his girlfriend. He snuck up behind her and gave her a kiss...

It was not her.

He had total shock and ran away, when me and my friends went looking for him he was about 2 miles away in a Denny's reflecting on how dumb he was.

[Derelict]

Did you know the girl? If it's a stranger, that's not so bad, but if it turned out to be his sister or something, that would be fucked up.

[Metalhead636]

She went to out high school, but we did not know her, and thank god she did not spread a rumor about my friend.

[Niki]

My grandparents were drunk a few christmases ago and were having sex with the door open and my entire family saw. Breakfast was very awkward the next morning.

[hoopymo]

I walked in on my cousin Wanking once.

[The_Solipsist]

My grandparents were drunk a few christmases ago and were having sex with the door open and my entire family saw. Breakfast was very awkward the next morning.

I almost died laughing, as I started to choke on air.

For me, probably when I went to the movies with this chick who I knew liked me, but I had no interest in her, and then my friend and his girl started getting really into it in the seats next to ours, and she kept looking at me and inching closer, and closer. So for the rest of the movie, I'm like leaning over away from her as she keeps trying to force me into making out with her. Really awkward, especially when I turned her down the next day.

[WoeStorm]

This is pretty similar to "Most embarrasing situation."

[Valkyrie]

This is pretty similar to "Most embarrasing situation."

Meh - Similar but not the same.

[Snarfnbarf]

My friend came over to my house... Masturbated in the bathroom off the kitchen, apparently came like a rocket and got some on the wall. Mom comes down, she is a clean freak, sees the splotch, of course she knows what it was.... We never talked about it again, but she kept giving me looks.

[Spastic]

Well you see I am a middle aged video game programmer who recently lost his apartment because my roommate spent all our rent money on hookers. So I was staying with a friend right, he's older and still lives with his parents and calls them his roommates instead of parents, and I think he might be gay, but whatever I digress.

So I was in the bathroom minding my own business and jacking off when right when I finish his mom opens the bathroom door, I turn and "release" all over her, talk about a sticky situation.

[Snarfnbarf]

What movie does that happen on?..

Grandmas Boy?

[ultrasoundchick]

The janitor here at work caught me picking my nose. I was mortified, but he acts like he never saw me do it.

[Laurence]

When I was about, I dunno, 7 maybe, I was at my friend's house and we were playing hide and seek. I couldn't find him to so I went into his parent's room and their bathroom door was ajar, so I figured he was in there. I opened the door and his mum was sitting on the toilet, and she just says, "Excuse me, Laurence!"

I ran away and it was never mentioned again but it haunts me to this day.

[Raxo]

I was in French class and I got a raging boner so I tried to get rid of it. To do this I put my hand in my pocket to pinch it and the girl next to me happened to see this. What she saw was me feeling on myself with a big bulge in my pants. She quickly looked away and got red.

It really sucked because my boner only got harder.:frown:

I can't look her in the eye anymore.

[Amazingly]

I was in French class and I got a raging boner so I tried to get rid of it. To do this I put my hand in my pocket to pinch it and the girl next to me happened to see this. What she saw was me feeling on myself with a big bulge in my pants. She quickly looked away and got red.

Yeah that happened to me, only I smiled and winked at her, and it happened in calculus class. She wasn't amused.




I once farted quite loudly in an elevator.

[Niki]

Yeah, french turns me on too.

[abbey]

When I was 17 I went to a party, and a 13-year-old girl decided she had a crush on me. She got really touchy and followed me around for most of the night, playing footsies whenever we sat down. I'm not even going to get into what she tried to do when we were alone for a few minutes. I wanted her to leave me alone but I didn't want to be mean. It doesn't sound so bad when I write it out, but it was one of the most awkward nights of my life.

And Vampire Weekend was on the stereo most of the time so now when I listen to them I get flashbacks. :wail:

Apparently this isn't obvious, but I'm a girl.

[Souldrinker]

My old man used to manage this pub and I was staying there one night. He had to be up early to do the poker machines so I stayed up after he crashed. Ended up hooking up with this Pommie backpacker.

Blah blah blah, my Dad knew nothing about it so the next morning, having the keys to every room like the manager does, he just went and opened the door and waltzed right in to get me up so I could help him do work. Thing is, I was right in the middle of copping a blowie from the Pommie.

I dunno what was worse - my Dad seeing that or when she jumped away, leaving me exposed, on my back, with a raging hard on...

[Prawnatron]

I walked up to someone and gave her the keys to my house. I thought it was my mum but it wasn't.

[Crabstick]

For your reading pleasure:

http://forums.explosm.net/showthread.php?t=15459

[Quadros]

I once made a shitty thread almost exactly the same as another shitty thread, that was fun but embarrassing.

Also when I was in first year (of university, not school) I was wasted and started grinding some random girl on the dance floor. Yeah, turns out this 'random girl' was in fact my best friend at his most effeminate. I Of course did what any guy does in such an awkward situation and carried right on with my grinding until he was forced to throw his drink over me and run away. Drinking makes me gay, turns out.

[lostos]

I was watching T.V. with my buddy and his girlfriend in his bedroom, and I looked over to say something about the show and she was sucking his dick. He just started laughing and I got up and left.

A similar thing happened to a friend of mine.

When I was 17 I went to a party, and a 13-year-old girl decided she had a crush on me. She got really touchy and stuff. I wanted her to leave me alone but I didn't want to be mean. It was one of the most awkward nights of my life.

It was the chance of your lifetime.


Well here's mine:
It was a rainy day and a bunch of friends and I were out walking. At some point I had to run to catch up (what was I thinking) with them because I had been tying my shoelaces. So I slipped over some shit and landed on the feet of a guy who looked like a gay hairdresser. It was hilarious and awkward.

[Alles]

Once in class I was masturbating in my pants and the teacher saw and realized, I stopped but he kept looking at me.

[InnerDemon]

I once had to leave in a hurry and forgot my pack of cigarettes on the table. I realized that when I was 20 minutes from home. It was one of the nastiest days in my life as I kept imagining my mom would find them. However, she didn't.

[abbey]

It was the chance of your lifetime.
As much of a pedophile as I am, no.

[Rex_Mundi]

Abbey is a girl's name, no?

[ilovebrownies]

It's short for Abnormally large penis.

[LandMarkMoon]

You'd know his penis size.

[triibus]

I wonder why the majority of awkward fun situations are linked with sexual memories?

Anyways, mine is too:
When I was little, I had this annoying habit of spooking people. I would just sneak up on them and say something like got ya or whatever (in estonian of course). This one time I went really quietly up the stairs to my sisters room (she's older) and opened the door very fast and she was just starting to get it on with her boyfriend. I was just staring at them for a moment and just closed the door again. I got such a berating for that.

[javaD]

Once they made a bingo thing in my school, so It was a saturday and I took my girlfriend because I was going to play with my band. So I take her to a hallway infront of some classes and I start getting all sexy with her and my mum finds me...she just freaked out didn't say a word. After that a friend catched me and my girl and then my psychologist Teacher...I got out with it.

[somebody]

I used to share a room with my oldest brother. And his girlfriend was sleeping over, so I woke in the morning and for some reason look at his bed to see his girlfriend looking back at me and him on top with a blanket on them. Also about a month ago I walked in on my other brother wanking.

[Metalhead636]

Edit:Wrong Thread

[Rex_Mundi]

Once they made a bingo thing in my school, so It was a saturday and I took my girlfriend because I was going to play with my band. So I take her to a hallway infront of some classes and I start getting all sexy with her and my mum finds me...she just freaked out didn't say a word. After that a friend catched me and my girl and then my psychologist Teacher...I got out with it.

Bingo is the coolest thing ever. I'm sure it got your girlfriend all hot and bothered.

[ShadowFlame]

Once when I was eight (I already knew what sex was and all) my little brother and I shared a room. He hears my mom and dad having sex right? "Whats that?" He said. I didn't know what sex looked like of course. So I sent my brother out into the bedroom they were fucking in. 'DADDY STOP HURTING MOMMY' And we never spoke about it again.

[Dodger]

I was watching T.V. with my buddy and his girlfriend in his bedroom, and I looked over to say something about the show and she was sucking his dick. He just started laughing and I got up and left. I don't blame him because, honestly, who's going to turn down a blow job. They're not going out anymore, but holy shit she was a slut. That was a little awkward later.

Same 'cept it was in the backseat of my car.

Once during summer or spring break, I had just gotten out of the bath and walked to my room. It was around noon or so, and just laid down on my bed only wearing a towel and started playing my gameboy. Next thing I know I wake up 4 hours later my comforter pulled over me, my towel on the floor, and gameboy on the dresser. I can only assume that I fell asleep, and my towel came off (since I kick a lot), then my mom got home from work walked in on me sleeping naked alongside my gameboy, covered me up and left.
She never mentioned it, and I never really cared to ask, but yeah awkwaarrrdd.

EDIT: Also my bad habit of say "You too" when a hot waitress tells me to enjoy my meal, and the wave when someone's waving to someone behind me.

[Snarfnbarf]

At least she put the gameboy on the dresser and didn't let it get all crushed and wet. What a good mother :hmm:

I too fell asleep in a towel, but at a friends house and it came partially off because when the door slammed shut in the room I was sleeping in I popped up and saw my ass cheeks would have been facing the door.

[TheFerret]

EDIT: Also my bad habit of say "You too" when a hot waitress tells me to enjoy my meal, and the wave when someone's waving to someone behind me.

Holy shit, I have a bad habit of both those things too! I fucking hate when I do it.

[Snarfnbarf]

I always do the waving thing. But I sometimes say things before I mean it resulting in me looking like a fool.

[Dave]

I took an immense boner in front of the whole class once. I was 13, wearing PE shorts and we were rehearsing for a play we had to perform. I shared a lead with the girl I really fancied at the time, and she turned up to rehearsal wearing her costume, which was a tiny ass skirt, tights and high heels in a sort of formal attire.

It could not have gone worse.

[Spastic]

Ok so about two minutes ago I came out of my room and my brother's wife I guess had just gotten out of the shower. She was just standing there naked like a deer in the headlights, and I didn't know what to do so I just sort of walked away, but it was super fucking awkward.

[Metalhead636]

Somehow, I always managed to walk in on my cousin watching porn. One time when I was 13, I was with him and his brother, he left for about 15 minutes, we went in to his room and saw him watching some crazy Japanese porn or something.

[javaD]

Bingo is the coolest thing ever. I'm sure it got your girlfriend all hot and bothered.

Ex-girlfriend now, but hell she gave me a nice handjob later that night.

[I_Smell]

I was chattin away with a mate once when our fit lady freind came over with like just a really big shirt on. You know what I mean. Before she was in ear-shot I said how girls look mint when they dress like that, and he said "Ha, yeah that's my shirt."

I don't know why but I felt so gay.

[SourChicken]

I didn't experience it personally, but a guy at school said he caught his dad whacking it...to World of Warcraft.
Also, when I was five or six I was in my room with this girl (door closed) and we started rolling around, which I guess I thought was super hardcore or something. Anyways, my pops walks in, sees us, makes a weird face, and leaves. Super funny (for me) now, super lame then.

[MistyTehMoose]

My housemate walked into my room whilst my boyfriend and I were mid-coitus. That's pretty much it. I say some stupid things that sound perfectly innocent in my head and then realise how badly out of context it can be taken pretty much straight after I say it.

[Valkyrie]

I've walked in on my dad watching porn, quite a few times actually. All I do now is tut, shake my head sadly and walk away... he gets embarassed. Haha.

[Niki]

Last night in anger I told my dad that everyone in the house knows he watches porn. I'm sure it was awkward for him.

[HeroinMel]

Me and a group of my mates watched porn with my mum once. We were all drunk, and i'm pretty sure they were all secretly wishing they were dead. Would have been especially awkward for them when i went to bed and left them alone with her, ha. I thought it was hilarious.

[Casalen]

Am I the only one with a lock on my door?

[abbey]

Abbey is a girl's name, no?
Yes. I'm a girl.

[Souldrinker]

It could not have gone worse.

So I'm guessing you never ended up getting any?

[bono]

I was out drinking with my girlfriend's brother ( he was on holiday from London) and we made quite a few friends that night. One of them was my one friend's sister and my other friend's girlfriend. She started following us around and drinking with us, which was fine but she started hitting on us as well. We went to a few pubs and eventually my girlfriend's brother and her would not get out my car because they were to busy feeling each other up so I told them I dont want stains on my seat. I didnt want to fight with my girlfriend's brother so I ran down the road to the nearest whorehouse to call my friend(where he was guaranteed to be, day or night - he was engaged to a prostitute). He walked up to the car, opened the door and climbed in the back and said he wants some too, needless to say they jumped out the car very quickly. I had the wonderful (and awkward) job of telling my friends, had to tell one that his sister was a slut and the other that his girlfriend was screwing around. I wasnt popular with anybody.

[Powerslideking]

I have a habit of walking up behind my girlfriend, pinching her ass, slapping her ass and then standing next to her looking around as though I done nothing. We were at our local club and I happend to see someone who looked just like her from behind and was standing in the same place that I left her. When I eventually turned and looked at her to say something, I was greated with a very concerned lady and an angry girlfriend who saw the happenings.

[lostos]

When I was 17 I went to a party, and a 13-year-old girl decided she had a crush on me. She got really touchy and stuff. I wanted her to leave me alone but I didn't want to be mean. It was one of the most awkward nights of my life.

Apparently this isn't obvious, but I'm a girl.


Jesus, for a second, I thought you might be a female, but then I also thought "Nah, that's too good to true." I mean, seriously, don't you wish you had a time machine?
On the other hand, ...well there is only one hand, you obviously did the wrong thing.

Oh wait, now I see:
It was one of the most awkward nights of my life.
it was awkward for resisting temptation I guess:heya:.

Here's another incident that happened to me this summer and I felt really embarrassed, even though I couldn't help laughing my ass off. A friend and I were spending our holidays in some resort for two weeks. Well, he was not known for his discretion, so one day, while we were returning from the beach to our place, just walking in front of the lifeguard's tower, he shouted out loud "Have you noticed how gay the lifeguard is?". At that point I was shocked, because, even though it was obvious he was gay, it would nonetheless hurt his feelings. I was mad at my friend, ready to tell him to shut the fuck up and stop embarrassing me, when I heard a gay voice from inside the tower: "I heard that; go away!". Then I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. As it turned out, he had AIDS, so it stopped being funny.

Yesterday, I met this friend and we talked. Basically, we were on a bus and he was telling me how German people are cold and unfunny, how he would never like to be in Germany, etc, while a guy in front of us looked German, and he seemed uncomfortable and offended.
I'm worried I might get my ass beaten someday, if I hang out with him more often.

[Alles]

Then I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. As it turned out, he had AIDS, so it stopped being funny.


FALLICY. It just "turned out?". How would you find something like this out, you asked him? You happened to know a friend of the lifeguard who was also at this resort, and he/she heard what happened and told you? Please explain.

[Powerslideking]

I have a friend who used to have a thing for fooling around with his girlfriends when other people were in the same room. One night I happened to wake up because of the noises and decided to make him feel like the dumbass that he was. As they finished their shit and got up to have a post sex smoke outside, I sat up and joined them telling them that I had the most vivid wet dream and had to have a smoke it was so good. I wish I could remember the excuses as to why they were awake having a smoke.

[timbot]

I have one similar to Abbey's. A couple years back I was at a New Year's party with my friend John. i became the prime target of this guy at the party. I didn't know most of the people at the party, so at one point I was just sitting on the couch, drinking and watching some shitty movie or something. Nobody else was around at the moment. The gay guy comes in and sits down with me and we chat and it's cool. But then he puts his arm over the back of the couch behind me. It was weird, but it wasn't actually on my shoulder, so I didn't say anything. But, soon I tried to move away a little, trying to be polite. A little later, the party was starting to break up, and John was going home. I was crashing with him, so I had to go with him. He was totally drunk, so I had to ride with the gay guy. We get to John's apartment and he promptly passes out, leaving me with the other guy who's getting more and more aggressive. By now he is actually asking to let him suck my dick. I tell him I'm not gay, and so am not interested. And he just keeps going, explaining that he's moving away in a couple days and just wants a little action before he goes. Finally, he's trying to unbutton my shirt and I had to physically push him away. Probably less than a minute later, a couple of the other guys from the party walk in. Nothing was happening when they walked in, but the guy who had been hitting on me was in just his under shirt and I had a couple buttons on my shirt undone, and you could just tell something had just happened. It was really awkward, and continued to be, because I saw one of the guys who walked in several times later, and he always gave me odd looks.

Also, an old girlfriend was staying at my parents' house with me for a couple days. She and I and my parents are all sitting around chatting and watching TV and she excuses herself. She comes back and whispers to me that she clogged the toilet, and I had to go fix it. She had taken a huge dump. Even though we tried to be discrete, I'm pretty sure everyone had an idea what happened. It was awkward for me, but it must have been terrible for her.

[lostos]

FALLICY. It just "turned out?". How would you find something like this out, you asked him? You happened to know a friend of the lifeguard who was also at this resort, and he/she heard what happened and told you? Please explain.
:ugh:
He worked under my command as civilian personnel. The "resort" I was talking about was a military facility for officers and their families to spend the summer. Unless the AIDS thing is something other recruits made up and spread around, but I don't care either way.

She had taken a huge dump.
The great demystification.

[Dave]

So I'm guessing you never ended up getting any?

Nope, but thats okay because now she's fat and has some serious issues. And my girlfriend has neither.

[Peekay]

Farted once during a 69...

[maniko]

Farted once during a 69...
I fell of my chair lauging at that :D
My girlfriend and i were at my room i finnaly got her to take her clothes of (3 fucking months) and then my father yells whille we were doing it "dinners ready ofcourse it took way longer than usual for us to get down ( as it was my first time back then it took like forever to get rid of the boner )by the time i got down everyone was like looking at me like i killed someone and i was pretty pissed that i couldnt finish we did it after dinner anyways
And yes u people need locks on your doors

[Souldrinker]

Nope, but thats okay because now she's fat and has some serious issues.

Have you ever thought that the real reason behind these "issues" might be that she realised, once she got fat, that she once had a chance to get a real man but didn't take it?

Now that she's fat she can never have you and your raging boner and that knowledge has done terrible, terrible things to her.

[TheFerret]

Have you ever thought that the real reason behind these "issues" might be that she realised, once she got fat, that she once had a chance to get a real man but didn't take it?

Now that she's fat she can never have you and your raging boner and that knowledge has done terrible, terrible things to her.

Or perhaps the boner was so massive that she got traumatized, and started "comfort eating".

[SpaceRaoul]

Once we were over at a friend's house, I was just hangin', but another friend was there for "business" (they sell anime and stuff). He then realizes he needs some scissors, so he tells the guy whose house we were at if he had some. "Ask my brother" he tells him, but the brother was in his room with his girlfriend, "don't worry, they're not doing anything". Even I believed that, since they had the door open, and you could hear the tv and both their voices just chatting.
My friend reasoned in the same way I did, so he went over to the brother's room. He goes "Hey Mark, do you have some...". He turned around red as can be without finishing the sentence, and my other friend laughed his ass off. It seems the girlfriend was topless and on top of him and... well, you know. To the day we still laugh about it, and he can't see Mark to the eye.

For myself... Nothing sex-related.
Just this one time we were at the birthday party from the friend of a friend. It was in it's last stages, and we were going back to the gaming room to say goodbye (it's a ranch house, so it's huge). They were playing rock band, and as we drew closer we could hear the horrible, horrible voice from the "vocalist" in turn. So, as we enter the room I say something like "Holy shit you sing like crap man!", for I believed it was a friend of mine. Turns out it wasn't him, but some girl I didn't even know.

[Swacky]

I remember one day back in elementary school at recess there was a bunch of us playing tag around the jungle gym and i was it like usual, since i was slow as shit. I was chasing this one chick and tripped over my own two feet and ended up grabbing the girls sweatpants and pulling them down around her ankles. Then the teacher outside came over and made me apologize to her and she didn't seem fazed (sp?) at all even after being pantsed. Bitch made me stand on the wall for the rest of recess.


EDIT: Also my bad habit of say "You too" when a hot waitress tells me to enjoy my meal, and the wave when someone's waving to someone behind me.

Fuck that happens to me all the time. I always pretend like im scratching the back of my neck so i look like less of a loser.

[gtrst7711]

This past Saturday was my birthday, so me and a few friends had a little party to celebrate. This meant me being very much shitfaced, and at one point my RA knocks on the door of me and my roommates suite, and I know its him so we hide the alcohol and I answer the door. Not realizing that at some point I put my speedo on over my pants and had a stuffed hippo sticking out of the swimwear. That was quite the awkward moment for me, as I tried to convince him we weren't drinking. Also, the next 2 times I saw him, he just happened to walk into our suite while I was in my room with my girlfriend. Both times he needed me to sign something, the first one of my roommates told him that I was "busy, like, busy busy" and the second they wouldn't quit pounding on my door so I said fuck it, got dressed and went out and signed the paper.

Also, the same night as my party, me and some friends decided to go for a walk. I really don't remember any of this happening, but apparently when we were coming back from this walk, someone hit the wrong button in the elevator so we got off on the wrong floor. At least the 2 sober people noticed that we were on the wrong floor, but not before me and a friend ran off the elevator and into a suite that we knew nobody in. Everyone was quite shocked, and apparently my friend puked in their toilet. I should probably go apologize to them.

[Souldrinker]

What's an RA?

[Rex_Mundi]

She never mentioned it, and I never really cared to ask, but yeah awkwaarrrdd.

EDIT: Also my bad habit of say "You too" when a hot waitress tells me to enjoy my meal, and the wave when someone's waving to someone behind me.

I'm sure what with her being your mother and all, that she's seen you naked before.

And I do the "You Too" thing as well, but to the people who work in the Cinema that stand in the concession stall. I'll get my popcorn and they'll say "Enjoy your movie!" and I'll respond "Thanks you too!", then I do a double take and a facepalm.jpg.

[gizzalove]

I don't really get that awkward feeling. I make other people awkward :)

Probably the only person who makes me even the slightest bit awkward is my mom. Whenever she drives me somewhere she has this need to talk about totally inappropriate subjects. Yesterday she took me to the store and she was talking about anal sex. That wasn't the worst it's been, not even close. Mostly because she said "that's for outs not ins" in a totally matter-of-fact way so I just burst out laughing.

[KeyboardSpastic]

Oh god, awkward moments are only too familiar with me.
At the moment, all that comes to mind is one night after a few drinks, the topic of boys coming to conversation between the sister, I and my mother. I guess you had to be there, but damn it got awkward.Really fucking awkward, I guess there's just something about talking about that sort of stuff with your mother, especially when you have one that likes to know absolutely everything. *shudder* Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

[Quadros]

I wonder why the majority of awkward fun situations are linked with sexual memories?

You're on the internet, everyone here has the sexual aptitude of an elephant seal calf with epilepsy. Except me of course. I fucking rock in the sack.

[Cyan]

It was a party for the school, and I meet this really nice girl who I talk to most of the night. She got a boyfriend, and I'm not hitting on her or anything, just having a good time. The rest of the night I get completely wasted, and while I didn't forget who she was the next day, I forgot how she looked.
Then next week in school there is P.E. for all classes and we get some random partners(Quick explanation: We have a partner for a few sec, then we rotate to a new one). I'm just standing there doing what we're supposed to, when my next partner is suddenly like "Hey *my name*, you good at this?". I blankly stare at her and go "Wait, do I know you?".

Turns out it was her from that party, and I later found out she was quite sad that I didn't remember remember.

[Grogerian]

What's an RA?

an RA(something Assistant?) is someone who 'runs' a dorm house, in a college or university :P since I don't live on campus I only know my friends RA which... my story will be about.

So I got invited to a double date, and my friend went back to his room. I went to where my girlfriend's room was which was next door; I could hear what I thought was my friend having sex, so I banged on the wall there and was like knock it off. An RA heard the banging so he walks in and asks if everything is OK and catches the two, naked about to get it on... Awkward enough, my friends girlfriend is the RA's ex.

[HeroinMel]

I always find 'foot in mouth' situations really freakin' awkward.
For example, a couple weeks back i walked into the lounge room of the house i was staying at and saw this huge, ugly, wolf rug lying on the floor. (And sadly enough i thought of the wolf t-shirts thread from here straight away) I pointed it out to my brother and started to make comment on how horridly ugly i thought it was, having a good laugh with him. Little did i know the person standing in the room with us was the person that bought it. They meekly rolled it up and leant it against the wall, and walked away. I felt terrible.

[Septem]

We went on a schooltrip in Rome for 3 days and me and my girlfriend decided to spent a night together. We went under the shower and then hit the bed, but the tard schoolmates started knocking and banging on the door, wanting me to come out. So we kinda came to the conclusions that we clean the clothes under a blanket and she goes into the bathroom. They come in, not knowing what is going on, spread all over the room and then they see the shoes.. of me and her. They just stood still for about 30sec and then left. Well it is kinda shocking for 16 year olds. But the banging continued, now by some other dudes just jelaous I guess.

[SpaceRaoul]

I thought you ment something else when you said "banging".

[SlothMan]

I was watching T.V. with my buddy and his girlfriend in his bedroom, and I looked over to say something about the show and she was sucking his dick. He just started laughing and I got up and left. I don't blame him because, honestly, who's going to turn down a blow job. They're not going out anymore, but holy shit she was a slut. That was a little awkward later.
I used to do that kinda stuff around my mates with my ex. Thought it was funny, but now I realise it's pretty dickish.

Apparently this isn't obvious, but I'm a girl.
Yes. I'm a girl.
Abbey man, what are you trying to say here??

Also my bad habit of say "You too" when a hot waitress tells me to enjoy my meal

Shit yeah, I used to do that all the time. Not so much now, since I made an effort to improve my speaking. I used to do stuff like blurt out "yeah, not bad, yourself?" thinking someone has asked my how I am when they just said "hello" or something.
when I was five or six I was in my room with this girl (door closed) and we started rolling around, which I guess I thought was super hardcore or something. Anyways, my pops walks in, sees us, makes a weird face, and leaves. Super funny (for me) now, super lame then.
I got caught doin that sort of stuff with girls loads of time when I was young. I was a horny little bastard. It shits me that for some reason I totally lost that edge and became completely afraid of girls during adolescence. I had so many awkward moments with girls by being a bumbling fool.

[HeroinMel]

I got caught doin that sort of stuff with girls loads of time when I was young.

Same. :indiff:

[Septem]

I thought you ment something else when you said "banging".

That came when they left us alone. Nice thinking btw.

And there are numerous failed replies, the one I remembered most is one time when I was walking home. I met a guy aged 65 or so, and greeted him. He didnt expect that I will and said "Hello young man". I replied "Thank you." o.O
That was about 2 years ago.

[detvarsomkatten]

I met a guy aged 65 or so, and greeted him. He didnt expect that I will and said "Hello young man". I replied "Thank you." o.O
That was about 2 years ago.
It's awkward because your not young? I don't get it.

[Jade]

My dad and my brother were helping me move when I remembered I had some sex toys hidden in between my mattresses so I quickly grabbed them and tossed them in my purse to save myself some embarrassment when they moved the bed. Well I forgot about them being in there and later on in the day my brother asked where my keys were so he could move my car. Not thinking I just said grab them out of my purse. Well he reaches deep in there and pulls something out and screams and drops it in front of everyone when he realizes what it is. He didn't look me in the face for a while.

[Crabstick]

He didn't look me in the face for a while.
Not sure I wanna know where he was looking.

About 4 hours ago I threw a tomato at a workmate and it missed, bounced a few times and hit my boss. Dunno if that's awkward, or more shitting myself.

[Xambesi]

My friend and I were at a party drunk and reminiscing about stuff we'd done together, and we were sitting with a bunch of other people including her boyfriend,
I was like, "Remember that time we stole those shopping trolleys?"
And she was like,"Remember that time you hooked up with that guy at the coffee shop?"
And then, in front of her boyfriend, I said, "And remember that time you got pregnant and we had to get you an abortion in secret so your boyfriend didn't find out because he's a psycho Catholic?"

There was literally silence for a full minute.

[lafuriaroja]

That's an easy one.
On my last week as a civilian, I had an old fuck buddy come over my place and spend quality time together before I depart for BMT. I already moved out of my college dorm and back to my parent’s house. So, one night she came over and had sex and me not having the energy to get up and flush the condom in the toilet, I just grabbed a T-Shirt and put the used condom in there and into my laundry basket. Guess what my mom decided to do the next day: my laundry. I even manage to walk up into my room as my mom began to sort through the darks and whites when she picked up the shirt and "plop" the condom fell on the ground. We shared one of those moments where just by looking at each other and nothing needed to be said, she knew everything. She even had the audacity to say, "Is this used?" I just turned red grab a towel picked it up and flushed it down the toilet, laughing on my way to the bathroom.

[danielli02]

When I was probably in 9th grade, me and my friend were out partying but had to stop at her house to get something, it was kinda late but we walked in and saw her dad and step mom going at it. It was disgusting! We ran out of there and they had no idea that we saw anything. The next day was so weird...

[MistyTehMoose]

That's an easy one.
On my last week as a civilian, I had an old fuck buddy come over my place and spend quality time together before I depart for BMT. I already moved out of my college dorm and back to my parent’s house. So, one night she came over and had sex and me not having the energy to get up and flush the condom in the toilet, I just grabbed a T-Shirt and put the used condom in there and into my laundry basket. Guess what my mom decided to do the next day: my laundry. I even manage to walk up into my room as my mom began to sort through the darks and whites when she picked up the shirt and "plop" the condom fell on the ground. We shared one of those moments where just by looking at each other and nothing needed to be said, she knew everything. She even had the audacity to say, "Is this used?" I just turned red grab a towel picked it up and flushed it down the toilet, laughing on my way to the bathroom.

You flush condoms down the toilet?

[Xambesi]

Bro that's really bad for the environment :frown:

[koots]

Bro that's really bad for the environment :frown:

Probably the plumbing too.

[Exodus]

Last night my brother came home from work and I had just logged off the computer and my brother got on. I forgot to grab the toilet paper i used to jizz into right in front of the monitor. Luckily I had gone out for a cig when he found it so nothing was said, but it was still awkward as fuck when I came back inside and started watching tv.

[timbot]

That's an easy one.
On my last week as a civilian, I had an old fuck buddy come over my place and spend quality time together before I depart for BMT. I already moved out of my college dorm and back to my parent’s house. So, one night she came over and had sex and me not having the energy to get up and flush the condom in the toilet, I just grabbed a T-Shirt and put the used condom in there and into my laundry basket. Guess what my mom decided to do the next day: my laundry. I even manage to walk up into my room as my mom began to sort through the darks and whites when she picked up the shirt and "plop" the condom fell on the ground. We shared one of those moments where just by looking at each other and nothing needed to be said, she knew everything. She even had the audacity to say, "Is this used?" I just turned red grab a towel picked it up and flushed it down the toilet, laughing on my way to the bathroom.

Your mom still does your laundry?
I felt like a loser being in my 20's and living with my parents. But at least my mom never came into my room to get my dirty clothes.

[exetra]

A friend was telling me about a time he went to another dude's place and was taken on a tour of the place. Came around to the other dude's bedroom and my friend noticed a lot of little bits of masking tape stuck on to the carpet, spread out across the entire room. When they were about to move on my friend asks this guy "yo whats with all the tape on the floor" and the guy nonchalantly replies "Oh, well when I whack off I stand against the wall just there, see how far I can get my cum and put the sticky tape where it lands".

[lafuriaroja]

Your mom still does your laundry?
I felt like a loser being in my 20's and living with my parents. But at least my mom never came into my room to get my dirty clothes.

Yeah, that was two years ago. I live by myself now. Also, I know people that still live with there parents until they finish with college and graduate school, then they move out. I don't see how being cheap and having a free place to live isn't cool.

Bro that's really bad for the environment :frown:

Yeah, especially since I have to use magnums:wink:

[koots]

Yeah, that was two years ago. I live by myself now. Also, I know people that still live with there parents until they finish with college and graduate school, then they move out. I don't see how being cheap and having a free place to live isn't cool.

It's not that you lived with your parents so much as that your mom was doing your laundry. My mom hasn't done my laundry since I was like 11 or 12.

[lafuriaroja]

It's not that you lived with your parents so much as that your mom was doing your laundry. My mom hasn't done my laundry since I was like 11 or 12.

I don't see a problem with my mom pampering me.

[Assassin]

I'm not following here- what's wrong with your mother washing your clothes?

[koots]

I don't see a problem with my mom pampering me.

See I think this is were we don't quite see eye to eye, you see it as pampering, I see it as babying.

[lafuriaroja]

I though they mean the same thing. Yes my mom babies me, but I don't care!

[Quadros]

It's not that you lived with your parents so much as that your mom was doing your laundry. My mom hasn't done my laundry since I was like 11 or 12.

My parents still do my laundry when I go home. Because they love me.

[Xambesi]

I'm eighteen and my parents still do my laundry.
But that's not because they love me so much as because I'm a spoiled brat.
Plus I'm moving out in two weeks so they're being nice to me.

[Niki]

I don't even have any idea HOW to do laundry.

[King_George_ii]

I was walking back from a friends party we'd got pretty wasted and were making loads of "your mum" jokes and just generally sayind "I shagged your mum" after anyone had spoken. So we're walking back and we see a kid from the year below us who we know kinda well and we start chatting to him. He says something and my mate says "I shagged your mum" we all start laughing forgetting that his mum is dead that was a really awkward moment.

[Prawnatron]

A friend was telling me about a time he went to another dude's place and was taken on a tour of the place. Came around to the other dude's bedroom and my friend noticed a lot of little bits of masking tape stuck on to the carpet, spread out across the entire room. When they were about to move on my friend asks this guy "yo whats with all the tape on the floor" and the guy nonchalantly replies "Oh, well when I whack off I stand against the wall just there, see how far I can get my cum and put the sticky tape where it lands".

I think your friend is making that up.

[somebody]

I was walking back from a friends party we'd got pretty wasted and were making loads of "your mum" jokes and just generally sayind "I shagged your mum" after anyone had spoken. So we're walking back and we see a kid from the year below us who we know kinda well and we start chatting to him. He says something and my mate says "I shagged your mum" we all start laughing forgetting that his mum is dead that was a really awkward moment.

Well if you guys are in to that hit me up next you go to a graveyard.

[Knight of Cydonia]

It's not that you lived with your parents so much as that your mom was doing your laundry. My mom hasn't done my laundry since I was like 11 or 12.

11 or 12? Jeez that is harsh. It's not a big deal doing the washing, maybe cleaning your room when your older is "babying".
I think you are exaggerating.

[hollywood_maggot]

Mine are all just the usual walking in while wanking. Wish I had locks.

[Lemonayd]

I've done it multiple times, but I specifically remember 7th grade english class, instead of saying "organism" I said "orgasm."

[Niki]

My dad and I were watching a movie just now and a commercial for a little mini vibrator came on. I giggled really hard and he gave me a look and it was super awkward.

[Dodger]

11 or 12? Jeez that is harsh. It's not a big deal doing the washing, maybe cleaning your room when your older is "babying".
I think you are exaggerating.

I don't see why everyone is giving her shit for this. They training her to be a great housewife.

[Akawaka13]

About 2 years ago i took a walk with my girlfriend to this hill that overlooks this city that was near and we walked by this bush where two people who went to our school were having sex. Two akward things about it, 1. the dude was like one of my best friends and 2. I was only in 8th grade :/ I never really talked to either of them again.

[Crabstick]

About 2 years ago i took a walk with my girlfriend to this hill that overlooks this city that was near and we walked by this bush where two people who went to our school were having sex. Two akward things about it, 1. the dude was like one of my best friends and 2. I was only in 8th grade :/ I never really talked to either of them again.
You never talked to them because they had sex? You a religious fruit?

[Inseln]

Yeah, I remember my first hangover. All the doors in the house were open, I was busy treying not to throw up so that I'd have a decent chance of actually going to work, and mum and her boyfriend were going at it hard in the room next to mine.

I barely made it to the toilet....

[Knight of Cydonia]

I don't see why everyone is giving her shit for this. They training her to be a great housewife.
I never thought of it that way actually.
I've done it multiple times, but I specifically remember 7th grade english class, instead of saying "organism" I said "orgasm."
A guy I know in my class did that when asking what we would be learning about.

[r4tur3]

I actually don't remember this incident but apparently when I was five my parents were arguing over my Dad's mistress. Then, all of a sudden I just say "poor mum, dad's always going off and rooting [name of mistress]". I don't remember what happened after that either. It's probably repressed.

[hollywood_maggot]

^Oh damn. That completely overshadows my incident of calling my neighbour a wanker and not knowing what it meant.

Also, with the whole 'orgasm/organism' thing, a friend of mine wrote an assignment on bonding between atoms or something (it was a while ago) and he must have gotten...distracted...because he handed it in without realising he'd replaced 'atoms' with 'tits'. So it ended up being about the bond between a womans breasts. Classic.

[Cocktapus]

Also, with the whole 'orgasm/organism' thing, a friend of mine wrote an assignment on bonding between atoms or something (it was a while ago) and he must have gotten...distracted...because he handed it in without realising he'd replaced 'atoms' with 'tits'.

How does that happen by accident?

[r4tur3]

I think every grade/year has a story of kid mixing up organism with orgasm.

[Zeldias]

I was having sex with an ex back in high school; fantastic, back-scratching, charley-horse inducing sex. We had cut class for this and it was paying off. She was pretty slutty; the kind of girl that gets turned on by fighting, drama, and general stupid juvenile delinquent shit. Seeing as how I was a 17 year old male at the time, I made it a point to be a stupid juvenile delinquent. Poon-tang, blowjobs, and a nice ass are a powerful combination.

So anyway, we're going at it, and I think I hear a door close. I'm not sure, because it's been loud, so I look out the window: my mom has come back home from work. I panic, tell the girl to get in the closet, but she panics and hides under the blanket. I throw her clothes under the bed, and frantically jumped into my pants. My mom walks in as I catch myself in the zipper of my pants. At least it was a good lay.

[Cerberus]

How does that happen by accident?

I was writing and listening to what I had to write while also listening to a friend and happened to write 'kebab' instead of something else. So it can happen by accident

[Septem]

It's awkward because your not young? I don't get it.

It is awkward because I replied "thank you" to "hello".

[PeterCameron]

asdasd

[Assassin]

I was having sex with an ex back in high school; fantastic, back-scratching, charley-horse inducing sex. We had cut class for this and it was paying off. She was pretty slutty; the kind of girl that gets turned on by fighting, drama, and general stupid juvenile delinquent shit. Seeing as how I was a 17 year old male at the time, I made it a point to be a stupid juvenile delinquent. Poon-tang, blowjobs, and a nice ass are a powerful combination.
That had nothing to do with your story

[Ercoledi]

Uh, it's characterisation.

[hollywood_maggot]

The details add a bit of a build up. Great story telling technique. You should try it sometime!

[Vir]

He just wants us all to be jealous of the amazing time he had when he first contracted gonorrhea.

[Iceshade]

For a little while I was afraid of the awkward person-waving-to-someone-behind-me situation, so much so that one time a person was actually waving to me and I didn't wave back until I realized they were staring right at me.

Another thing that happens at college a lot, a group of guys will be sitting watching tv or a movie and someone will crack a really terrible joke. It gets awkward because nobody laughs at all and you just kind of feel sorry for them.

[Tempest]

I was half-asleep in my history class one time and I squeezed out a little mini-fart somehow. We were watching a video, so of course everyone was quiet. I lifted my head up off the desk real slow and everyone was staring at me.

Long story short, I said "At least it doesn't smell" and everyone looked really uncomfortable.

[PeterCameron]

For a little while I was afraid of the awkward person-waving-to-someone-behind-me situation, so much so that one time a person was actually waving to me and I didn't wave back until I realized they were staring right at me.

Another thing that happens at college a lot, a group of guys will be sitting watching tv or a movie and someone will crack a really terrible joke. It gets awkward because nobody laughs at all and you just kind of feel sorry for them. The best thing to do in that situation is make it even more awkward by saying the exact same joke again either in the same tone, or unrealistically enthusiastic, someone will eventually laugh.

[SizzlingNickel]

I was watching a DVD with my uncle and grandma and grandpa and we had no idea that the movie had a sex scene and to make things worse it was a gay sex scene with two guys.I got so red good thing it was dark but the really weird thing is that we kept watching the movie just to see more sex scenes.That isn't the only time movies have done this to me.If you want to know what the movie is called its called Secuestro express.Also here is a trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKOo5XF2PRM

[PeterCameron]

Why would that make it worse?

[SizzlingNickel]

Why would that make it worse?

It was anal!:argh:

[Urser]

Oh noes!

But, I have to agree with you about watching a movie with sex scenes around family members. I was watching this movie once with my parents about this woman who's husband was killed by a cop. Then the woman wanted to be comforted and was saying "Make me feeel goooood" and then they were having sex for 5 solid minutes.

:ahe:

[Cerberus]

I was once watching the movie 'Mulholland Drive' I think it's was called, with my mum, my brothers and my sister who was fairly young at the time. It gets to a point in the movie where the main character is crying and masturbating at the same time with a close up of her crotch pretty much. My sister then asked what she was doing. It was very awkward at this point, no one said anything. Then I just said 'shes scratching herself clearly'. So awkward. This was a while ago so it might not be the right movie.

[Tweek]

Oh noes!

But, I have to agree with you about watching a movie with sex scenes around family members. I was watching this movie once with my parents about this woman who's husband was killed by a cop. Then the woman wanted to be comforted and was saying "Make me feeel goooood" and then they were having sex for 5 solid minutes.

:ahe:
The woman or your parents?

[thomas30113]

Just today, I said "Pedophile" out loud and some dude was like " you don't know what that word means! I was actually raped and molested by my step father," and so on.
So I was just there. Standing like, What the fuck?

[Dodger]

Oh noes!

But, I have to agree with you about watching a movie with sex scenes around family members. I was watching this movie once with my parents about this woman who's husband was killed by a cop. Then the woman wanted to be comforted and was saying "Make me feeel goooood" and then they were having sex for 5 solid minutes.

:ahe:

Monster's Ball? Halle Barry's best performance ever was in that scene.

[DoctorButt]

I thought she at her best in X-men.

[Pelican Man]

Oh noes!

But, I have to agree with you about watching a movie with sex scenes around family members. I was watching this movie once with my parents about this woman who's husband was killed by a cop. Then the woman wanted to be comforted and was saying "Make me feeel goooood" and then they were having sex for 5 solid minutes.

:ahe:

I was watching American Pie: The Naked Mile. Nearing the end, and my gran pops over for a visit. By this point I was so enthralled in the story, I was determined to see the end. So, there they were, everyone naked, and my gran's just yapping to me, and I'm trying to be polite and chat to her, and there's that in the background. Eventually, I had to switch over coz she just wouldn't be quiet and go see my mum.

[jewishjosh]

My sister was standing on a raised platform the other day. I noticed our relative heights and commented, "that's like six inches." She automatically responded with "you're like six inches," as most people do when they're trying to be edgy and uninterested at the same time. I walked away and she was left feeling incredibly awkward for the next hour.

[pikaknight79]

One time i was looking up porn on my ipod touch, then the next day i had people over and this one chick grabbed my ipod and opened the safari, and it brought her to the last page the ipod was on.

:(

[Snarfnbarf]

My sister was standing on a raised platform the other day. I noticed our relative heights and commented, "that's like six inches." She automatically responded with "you're like six inches," as most people do when they're trying to be edgy and uninterested at the same time. I walked away and she was left feeling incredibly awkward for the next hour.

I do this all hte time to my friends it used to throw them off their game ofr a second, but now they just keep going.

Early today I didn't close hte door when I was taking a piss, and my little brother comes up the stairs looks into the bathroom and totally sees my dick, he blinked and walked away.

[Hawk2605]

in primary school we did a play, i was one of the turkeys (dont ask cos i dont remember) we wore costumes with no arms so we had to waddle everywhere, 2 minutes before we had to go on im standing on a small log talking, next thing i know the logs gone from beneath me and im falling, i try to throw my arms out in from of me but just kinda end up loooking like a fat turkey whos about to break his beak, *smash* goes my nose onto the concrete, blood goes everywhere and i start screaming my lungs out and basically ruin the show
Not the worst thing to happen but it was terrible then, i was apologising for the next month

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: No full stops or capitalisation

[PeterCameron]

asdasd

[Dodger]

I was having sex with an ex back in high school; fantastic, back-scratching, charley-horse inducing sex. We had cut class for this and it was paying off. She was pretty slutty; the kind of girl that gets turned on by fighting, drama, and general stupid juvenile delinquent shit. Seeing as how I was a 17 year old male at the time, I made it a point to be a stupid juvenile delinquent. Poon-tang, blowjobs, and a nice ass are a powerful combination.

So anyway, we're going at it, and I think I hear a door close. I'm not sure, because it's been loud, so I look out the window: my mom has come back home from work. I panic, tell the girl to get in the closet, but she panics and hides under the blanket. I throw her clothes under the bed, and frantically jumped into my pants. My mom walks in as I catch myself in the zipper of my pants. At least it was a good lay.

I think you're a virgin.


Also, a couple days ago, after I got done swimming and got out of the pool, and I saw this guy whom I hadn't seen in ages. Now back in the day, this guy used to be pretty fucking fat. Not chubby or big-boned, like man-boobed, jiggling chins fat.
Now I knew he was on the wrestling and lost some weight, but holy shit that guy was ripped. It was such a drastic change that I kept staring. We waved at each other and everything but I didn't think about it until later and realized how gay I must've come off as. It wasn't really awkward for me because I was just surprised at the drastic change, but I bet he felt awkward.

[ZombieGirl18]

I think you're a virgin.


Also, a couple days ago, after I got done swimming and got out of the pool, and I saw this guy whom I hadn't seen in ages. Now back in the day, this guy used to be pretty fucking fat. Not chubby or big-boned, like man-boobed, jiggling chins fat.
Now I knew he was on the wrestling and lost some weight, but holy shit that guy was ripped. It was such a drastic change that I kept staring. We waved at each other and everything but I didn't think about it until later and realized how gay I must've come off as. It wasn't really awkward for me because I was just surprised at the drastic change, but I bet he felt awkward.
:roffle:

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Single smiley surprise.

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Single smiley REPLY

[m3didit]

Set up the story: My friend Kris is about 6'8", maybe 6'9" and weighs about 200 pounds. He's a black dude. Really tall, really skinny, fucked up facial hair.

Many years ago, I had some friends over. We decided to order some wings and pizza. The pizza guy pulls up and I see his car, so I go to meet him outside with the money. Right as I start to trade money for food, Kris comes out of the house with his shirt twisted inside out and knotted and his pants hanging open. He runs up to me and grabs my ass, winking at the pizza man. The pizza guy is getting my change and Kris gets a bit closer to him and says, "Have you ever made love to a man?" in a real deep voice. I was shocked by all of this, it wasn't premeditated on my part and he did it so naturally. The pizza guy says, "Pardon me, sir?" and goes to hand me my change. Kris licks his lips and asks him, "Do you want to make love to a man tonight?". I take the change, apologize and hand Kris the food and tell him to go inside. He smiles and yells for the pizza man to call him soon, as I'm trying to push him inside. They wouldn't deliver pizza anymore because of that.

[PeterCameron]

Kris is awesome, never let him go.

[m3didit]

He did the same thing about a month later when I tried to order chinese food. They PLANNED this one this time though, without my knowledge.

Guy shows up, I open the door, and all of the sudden, they were ready. Kris comes from around the corner wearing a mop rag on his head. Just a mop rag. Runs behind me. Delivery guy steps to the side, maybe to lose sight of what he didn't want to see in the first place. I exchange money for food and close the door, nodding to the delivery man. Turning around, I see my two friends dancing or humping. Whatever it was, one of them was naked with a mop rag on his head. The other was fully dressed, but very into it.

[Hawk2605]

That mop head must've been damn sexy

[Urser]

Monster's Ball? Halle Barry's best performance ever was in that scene.

Yeah that's the one. :wail:

[devilsgunner]

A rather awkward situation happened to me a few months ago. Twas a fucking cold night and a few of us had been out drinking (apart from myself, sober driver). It had been a rather awkward night for a few hours already, as two of my friends had decided (in their drunken stupor) that they were rather keen on each other, and they were seemingly determined on getting into each others pants as soon as an opportunity presented itself.

So, after my friends can no longer afford more alcohol, we all hurried back to my car to go home. I had waited a few minutes for the heaters to warm the car up, and was just about to pull out of the parking lot when I hear a bit of movement in the back seat, lo and behold my male friend is in the middle of performing cunnilingus on the female. I decided to leave them to it, it was much too fucking cold to get out of the car and wait; plus I figured it would be a hilarious story for the morning.

Most awkward 10 minute drive ever.

[Vir]

Was it just you three in the car?

[devilsgunner]

One of my other friends was in the passenger seat, however she had lost consciousness pretty soon after she got into the car and thus was unaware of the backseat happenings.

[Inseln]

Shame there wasn't a 5th, who would also be in the backseat. Passed out or otherwise.

[Jessikuh]

Right now im lulz'ing @ EVERYONE
Man it sucks to be some of you
:D

[Jessikuh]

BHAHA at what
L U L z types to be "[NOTE: I AM A RETARD]"

I think i nearly shit my pants :DDD

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: This is a terrible post and you should feel terrible

[FloydFan]

You are a retard.

[thomas30113]

I was half-asleep in my history class one time and I squeezed out a little mini-fart somehow. We were watching a video, so of course everyone was quiet. I lifted my head up off the desk real slow and everyone was staring at me.

Long story short, I said "At least it doesn't smell" and everyone looked really uncomfortable.

Oh man. I have this tick where I have to wheeze every now and then so then every time I wheeze I kinda squeeze my boules. So then I my class was watching a video and I wheezed and let out a really loud fart. I guess only one kid heard it because he turned around and looked at me funny. How was it fun? I dunno.

[darklobby]

I was having sex with an ex back in high school; fantastic, back-scratching, charley-horse inducing sex. We had cut class for this and it was paying off. She was pretty slutty; the kind of girl that gets turned on by fighting, drama, and general stupid juvenile delinquent shit. Seeing as how I was a 17 year old male at the time, I made it a point to be a stupid juvenile delinquent. Poon-tang, blowjobs, and a nice ass are a powerful combination.

So anyway, we're going at it, and I think I hear a door close. I'm not sure, because it's been loud, so I look out the window: my mom has come back home from work. I panic, tell the girl to get in the closet, but she panics and hides under the blanket. I throw her clothes under the bed, and frantically jumped into my pants. My mom walks in as I catch myself in the zipper of my pants. At least it was a good lay.

Why did you think you should hide her in a closet from your mother if your 20(?).

[Metalhead636]

Why did you think you should hide her in a closet from your mother if your 20(?).

Here is why he did it.

I was having sex with an ex back in high school; fantastic, back-scratching, charley-horse inducing sex. We had cut class for this and it was paying off. She was pretty slutty; the kind of girl that gets turned on by fighting, drama, and general stupid juvenile delinquent shit. Seeing as how I was a 17 year old male at the time, I made it a point to be a stupid juvenile delinquent. Poon-tang, blowjobs, and a nice ass are a powerful combination.

So anyway, we're going at it, and I think I hear a door close. I'm not sure, because it's been loud, so I look out the window: my mom has come back home from work. I panic, tell the girl to get in the closet, but she panics and hides under the blanket. I throw her clothes under the bed, and frantically jumped into my pants. My mom walks in as I catch myself in the zipper of my pants. At least it was a good lay.

I was a 17 year old male at the time,


I was a 17 year old,


I was a 17


17


That is how.

[Quadros]

Here is why he did it.
That is how.

Wow you sure do make a big deal out of tiny things. But then I guess you don't have a girlfriend to do that for you.

[LaPhBu]

D'aww, does Eepha make a big deal out of your tiny thing?

[Quadros]

I don't think you got the joke. Which is awkward for you, but fun for me.

[LaPhBu]

The joke was that girls make big deals out of little things, and you said he must not have a gf to do that for him. :indiff:

[Quadros]

no the joke was that he makes a big deal out of little things because he has no girlfriend to do it for him. Which is almost exactly what I said the first time. But your assumption that I meant ALL girls do that is as fascinating as it is insightful as it is hilarious as it is incorrect. So please, tell us more about how small your cock is!

[PhoenixOne]

After a while of going at it with my ex, we went to her kitchen to get some food. Her dad was building a new room in the basement below hers and he was in the kitchen getting food as well. He looked at us and said "Jesus Christ, I had to crank the radio downstairs because you two are fucking loud." then immediately went back downstairs to let us dwell on his words.

[LaPhBu]

no the joke was that he makes a big deal out of little things because he has no girlfriend to do it for him. Which is almost exactly what I said the first time. But your assumption that I meant ALL girls do that is as fascinating as it is insightful as it is hilarious as it is incorrect. So please, tell us more about how small your cock is!

No man, I wasn't assuming anything, just making a joke. :indiff:

[hollywood_maggot]

Wow, you guys really fucked that joke up.

[Inseln]

Awkward fun fresh from today. My ex came over to pick up his things and return some of my stuff. I opened the front door and he's standing there in blad with these reflective shades and leaning up against the wall, looking like he should be from one of those old movies with the leather jacket high school gangs. I look at him, grab my bag of stuff, throw his bag at him and slam the door in his nose.

30% awkward, 70% fun!

[PeterCameron]

Don't you go for bad boys?

[LeonVanMil]

Awkward huh?
I was at my mates and we were watching a movie with his gf. About halfway through i look to my right at them and they're making out ( ofcourse THATS normal ) the movies about finished and i feel someone bumping into me...
Next thing i knw her foot is in my face and it looked like they were about to start getting naked so i jst slowly got up and backed away...
Then his gf said "Hey why are you leaving? We're only just getting started."
I was like 'CRAP' and ran outs there soooo quick.
Awkward *shudder*

[Tyler_Legrand]

No man, I wasn't assuming anything, just making a joke. :indiff:

Not only that, you repeated the same goddamn joke

[Inseln]

Don't you go for bad boys?

Oh I do. But he's not bad, more like, well. He looks like he's 14 ("cute" face) and a secret romantic and generally isn't a bad boy...

[somebody]

Awkward huh?
I was at my mates and we were watching a movie with his gf. About halfway through i look to my right at them and they're making out ( ofcourse THATS normal ) the movies about finished and i feel someone bumping into me...
Next thing i knw her foot is in my face and it looked like they were about to start getting naked so i jst slowly got up and backed away...
Then his gf said "Hey why are you leaving? We're only just getting started."
I was like 'CRAP' and ran outs there soooo quick.
Awkward *shudder*

You should've been cameraman.:boogie:

[Assassin]

Last week I was leaving with school for a week, and my girlfriend gave me one of her used knickers to take with me, which I placed under my pillow the day before I left.

My mother found it the next morning when she was packing my sheets. It was pretty awkward.

[Jabo]

Humm lets see..

I was riding my bike one of those happy days and I see a friend some meters in front of me, so I start to go faster and punch him in the face just for fun. He drops his cellphone, breaking it, and well.. he wasn't my friend.

Also, this happened to a friend but its worth telling.
We were in the beach at night and somehow it was quite crowded of walkers, so we had the idea of burring this friend of mine and put a shirt above his head, so the only thing you could see was that shirt. Well, the idea was to scary the people that were walking but we never thought it would work so well.. The guy he yelled at went running to the see up to the level of his knees.

Then a wave came and almost drawn my friend, that was not so funny in the moment.

[SourChicken]

Then a wave came and almost drawn my friend, that was not so funny in the moment.

That reminds me of this one time I saw a movie where Kate Winslet was drawn in the water by Leo DeCaprio. They technically weren't drawn IN the water, because they were on a boat, but they ended up in the water at the end. But no one was drawing them. That was also not so funny in the moment.

[PeterCameron]

I laughed at the end when the old lady made some weird little yelping noise as she threw her necklace off the end of the pier.

[ohemgee0321]

tetecaca

[Valkyrie]

tetecaca

:gtfo:

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Feeding the trolls.

[Yegg]

One time when I was younger I was showing my dad a video on Windows Media Player. After the video was over some porn comes on. It was really awkward, and no, it wasn't my porn.


Last year I was having sex with my girlfriend in the shower. I hear a door close and get out of the shower real quick. My mom walks in as I'm putting my boxers on. I think she thinks I was about to get in the shower (which is better... I think).

[FloydFan]

Way back ago, I was in this car with my dad, who is one of those really conservative guys. We were listening to ther radio, and this song come on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kySh2zsdvg&feature=related

I couldnt help laughing.

[SpaceRaoul]

Oh noes!

But, I have to agree with you about watching a movie with sex scenes around family members. I was watching this movie once with my parents about this woman who's husband was killed by a cop. Then the woman wanted to be comforted and was saying "Make me feeel goooood" and then they were having sex for 5 solid minutes.

:ahe:

Ah, something similar happened to me and my friends once... though a little lesser (did I use the word right?)

So we were over at a friend's house, watching Love Actually. You know how the uncut version has this story about the porn making couple? Well her mom comes in right during one of those scenes. Now, she is one of those "good girls" and her mom is one of those almost puritans, who would have totally freaked out if she saw that... the kicker was that a friend, in panic, decided to PAUSE THE F'ING MOVIE, so the guy's ass freezes on the screen...

Thankfully, the mom never actually turned to see the screen.

[Sieda]

Chalk this up as another awkward sex moment:

A couple of months ago, I was at my mother's house for the weekend. Thing is, I had my girlfriend over while my mom was out running errands, and naturally, we ended up finding our way into my mom's bed. Long story short, I ended up pulling out, and she went to the bathroom to clean up. Well, as I was getting my clothes on, I hear the front door opening and my mom stepping into the living room with a bag of groceries. She notices me coming out of her room adjusting my belt, but right before she can say anything, my girlfriend rushes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but her panties and exclaims "Eww, You got it in my hair!" Not realizing that my mother had come home.

Needless to say that was an awkward moment for everyone.

[ThiTcholas]

Last year, I was going to work, going down the street... was at this moment this damn belly ache start!

I looking at 360° of vision looking for a restaurant or something that has a restroom... for my LUCK there isn't a damn restroom...but even the poor can have a little bit of luck sometimes, then I find a alley.

And when I start to poo, the alarm of the school rings and the students start to comming out. I swear, it was the faster poo of the west, and like a prize, i lost my two socks and a underwear

[Tweek]

Hahahaha what the fuck are you talking about man?

[Niki]

I think he pooped in an alley and lost clothes.

[Vir]

Wait Thi are you saying you had to poo so you decided to do it in an alley next to a school and the school ended and everyone started walking by you? You took a shit in an alley?!? And do you get naked to poo, how did you lose your socks and underwear?

Edit: youre boring niki

[Snarfnbarf]

It's in south America so that shits normal.

[pikaknight79]

We have thisthing called the beep test, basicaly you run laps around the gym in p.e.
Last year when we were doing it, there was this slutty chick with huge tits who wasnt wearing a bra that day. When she ran, they were slapping her in the face, it was the funniest thig i ever saw

[Niki]

Shut up vir I could barely read any of it :mad:

[Vir]

You mean you dont understand garbled third-world-english-as-a-second-language posts?

[Niki]

No, I slept through that class in high school.

[Iceshade]

They probably offer it as some sort of seminar at your local community college.

[Ureshii]

The first night I drank heavily I crashed at my Dad's place at about 3:00, without his knowledge. I not entirely sure what happened but I through up everywhere, alot as well as knocking stuff over etc.

Any way he wakes me up early that morning and pulls me out side, gives me the lawnmower and makes me mow the lawn without earmuffs. It was torture.

Things where quite awkward between us because I still don't know exactly what I did. Even now, 2 years later, I don't get drunk around him.

[hollywood_maggot]

We have thisthing called the beep test, basicaly you run laps around the gym in p.e.


That's not the beep test. The beep test is where you have to run a few tens of metres, I don't know how many, and get to the other side before the next beep. As you go along the beeps get steadily faster.

[thomas30113]

Chalk this up as another awkward sex moment:

A couple of months ago, I was at my mother's house for the weekend. Thing is, I had my girlfriend over while my mom was out running errands, and naturally, we ended up finding our way into my mom's bed. Long story short, I ended up pulling out, and she went to the bathroom to clean up. Well, as I was getting my clothes on, I hear the front door opening and my mom stepping into the living room with a bag of groceries. She notices me coming out of her room adjusting my belt, but right before she can say anything, my girlfriend rushes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but her panties and exclaims "Eww, You got it in my hair!" Not realizing that my mother had come home.

Needless to say that was an awkward moment for everyone.

Wow. That is hilarious! Seems to funny to be true though..

[IronWire]

This one time I jizzed in my pants and it was pretty awkward.
:facts:

[Sieda]

Wow. That is hilarious! Seems to funny to be true though..

It wasn't really funny at the time. But yeah, now we've got this running thing where I like to imitate her and say "It's in my hair!" And she's got this thing on me where one time she bit me and I got all whiny and was like "Baby why you gotta be so mean?"

I'm sure we annoy the hell out of people going back and forth like that.

[PoBabylon]

:D awkward stories, oh boi!


me and my girlfriend(now ex) were watching some sort of movie in her home basement. and where making out on the couch and she was getting pretty horny, dry humping on me, so right as she starts getting undressed, her shirt is about halfway over her head her dad rounds the corner from the steps and hits the wall. we both looked over horrified (well i was scared anyway, the guy was a beast) he just gave me the nastied look then went back up stairs.

but the real awkwardness was having to bowl with him only afew hours later that day.



so afew years ago (i was 13 iirc) i had acouple playboy mags. and i had just jacked it to them. but i had to go do something(take the trash out or something like that) so i quick threw the 2 i was using at the time under my pillow just till i could get back from the task i needed to do.

needless to say i forgot they were there. so acouple hours later me & the folks r gonna watch a movie downstairs, so i rush to my room and grab my pillow to lay on for watching the movie, not thinking or remembering i had the playboy's under it. so they were now sitting on my bed right out in the open without the pillow covering them.

after the movie i was still downstairs watching tv with my dad and my mom goes up to get ready for bed and afew min later i hear her scream(but more of an angry scream) and so my dad goes up stairs. and me, being the total dumbass that i am, still don't remember the mags. i hear my dad and mom arguing and he says somethin like "I dont fucking know how he got them! they aren't mine!! why do you always blame me!?"

i wanted to cheer my parents up so i thought up a knock knock joke and go running upstairs and jump into my room with my arms spread and go KNOCK KNOCK! and then see my mags in my mom's hands. and awkward silence ensued... i got grounded for refusing to tell them where i got the mags

i never got those 2 mags back :( but i had several others XD

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: Shit post. Read the rules and lurk more.

[Urser]

Wow it's like all of the General Forum taboos in one post.

[Fruitality]

i wanted to cheer my parents up so i thought up a knock knock joke

There's your problem.

[Scrotemeal]

Not mega awkward. Our French teacher is pretty bad. Today, after she walked out of the class we were like "Haha she pronounces Carys 'Ca-reese', and she calls X and Y by their full names, not how everyone else in the class does." Just being silly, but then she comes back and is all like "I don't call you nicknames because it might be seen as inappropriate, blah blah." And we'll all just wondering what else she heard us say, because we bitch about her a lot. And so we were all feeling horrible because she's really nice and all. Kinda awkward.

[ThiTcholas]

Wait Thi are you saying you had to poo so you decided to do it in an alley next to a school and the school ended and everyone started walking by you? You took a shit in an alley?!? And do you get naked to poo, how did you lose your socks and underwear?

Edit: youre boring niki

hahahah, yeah is what i'm try to say =D

thanks for your help!


do you wanna know why my english is so bad?
is because I've learn english translating music....



and about my socks and underwear, i lost because i needed to clean up my ass... =/


snarfbarf...is normal poo on the alleys in here, ride giants spiders and at fridays play cards with tarzan.

to tell you the truth, my computer is made of coconuts and banana's peel...

cya guys...e need to go,because the king kong is comming to use the pc!

[Iceshade]

Knock Knock Playboy!

hahaha I can just picture you jumping into your bedroom, "Knock Knock!" and you're parents are just staring at you holding Playboys. That is pretty damn funny. However,




snarfbarf...is normal poo on the alleys in here, ride giants spiders and at fridays play cards with tarzan.



That line just made my day right there.


On a related note, do you guys find awkward situations in television shows funny? I absolutely love The Office but sometimes Michael gets into such awkward situations that it's hard to watch.

[jewishjosh]

I absolutely love The Office
You're my new favourite person on the forums. I usually don't find the situations too awkward to be true/watchable or anything, it's just that Michael's personality seems a little absurd and almost tiresome at times.

I think ThiTcholas is humouring us. Too bad, if it was a mistranslation of a legit idea, that would've been hilarious.

[Quadros]

On a related note, do you guys find awkward situations in television shows funny? I absolutely love The Office but sometimes Michael gets into such awkward situations that it's hard to watch.

Ricky Gervais' character in the original is the king of cringe. I've only seen about half of each episode because i just can't watch most of it.

[Sieda]

and about my socks and underwear, i lost because i needed to clean up my ass... =/


I was afraid that was the reason. Eeeww.

[Jade]

Yesterday at work I was stretching then I smelled my armpit because I couldn't remember if I put on deodorant or not. My armpit smelled nice but when I turned around there was someone standing in my office door waiting to ask me a question. It was a little awkward.

[Iceshade]

So if anyone is watching the new episode of The Office, the part where Michael attempts to give Nashua a sales talk is exactly the definition of awkward.

[jewishjosh]

It doesn't really work with The Office because Michael is such an awkward character anyway.

However, if anyone watched 30 Rock afterwards, every single part of Liz Lemon/Tina Fey's date defines awkward.

[Revocracy]

Well this happened a couple of months ago.

I usually sleep till late and I sleep with a shirt and boxers, so this one day my mom decides to let two of my friends which are both girls wake me up. When they pulled the sheets I was still kinda sleepy it took me like 2 minutes till i knew what the hell was going on, This proved to be pretty awkward later but we look back at it and laugh.

Because honestly, It's good that they know right?

[billab08ng]

Well I work in retail...
And I hate seeing women that look like dudes because I end up saying "Hello, sir can I help you?" and they'll turn around and give me a pretty dirty look. Its gotten to the point where I can play it off now...but in the back of my head im thinking "ohshitohshitohshitohshit".

[koots]

Well I work in retail...
And I hate seeing women that look like dudes because I end up saying "Hello, sir can I help you?" and they'll turn around and give me a pretty dirty look. Its gotten to the point where I can play it off now...but in the back of my head im thinking "ohshitohshitohshitohshit".

May I ask exactly how you play that off?

[Urser]

Why don't you just say "Excuse me, may I help you?"?

[Cakelord]

Someone was talking about praying for the Victorian bushfire victims and I said, "Even if god did exist, praying would probably piss him off for interrupting any of the infinitely better things he could be watching, so then he'd probably cause some more fires.". Most people in the vicinity gave me a look as if to say "Where do you get your narcotics?".

[Urser]

That's a bitch thing to say, even if you don't believe in god.

[Laurence]

Ricky Gervais' character in the original is the king of cringe. I've only seen about half of each episode because i just can't watch most of it.

Agreed. I have nothing but respect and admiration for the US version of The Office, but the original is the best. Ricky Gervais is the king of awkward comedy.

However, if anyone watched 30 Rock afterwards, every single part of Liz Lemon/Tina Fey's date defines awkward.

Oh yeah. That's my favourite show, it's so goddamn good. Tina Fey does awkward really well too. Like when she goes out with Wayne Brady's character, asks for dessert and says, "Death by chocolate, yeah! No, no, not that kind of chocolate!"

[TheFerret]

So if anyone is watching the new episode of The Office, the part where Michael attempts to give Nashua a sales talk is exactly the definition of awkward.

HOLY SHIT, YEAH! I seriously thought that I was going to turn off the TV on that one.

[billab08ng]

May I ask exactly how you play that off?
Just help them out with whatever they need like I didn't say anything in the first place.

Why don't you just say "Excuse me, may I help you?"?
Because saying the same thing over and over gets really old.

[davidrevill]

Well, a couple years ago I was dating a chick who was from the country and had a dad who was pretty much stereotypical over protective of his daughter, with a track record of ussually fighting them, threatening to fight them, taking them hunting and scaring the shit out of them, and taking them for a drive in his car only to scare the shit out of them by doing something like leaving the seatbelts unusable so he could get 150km/h around a corner and watch them almost fly out the window.

Anyway I decided, for whatever reason, to meet her parents. Her mum was awesome, really nice lady, funny, and seemed fairly relaxed in regards to what my girlfriend and I did in her house. So it was going great. I then met the dad, I was the first boy my ex had been dating that he had liked. He treated me awesome and was really nice but gave me a stern warning that if I were ever to "knock her up" "Make her cry" or "Up and leave her" he would find me and beat the hell out of me. So anyway later that night her parents have gone to sleep and we are laying on the couch together with a blanket, she decides it's a wise decision to start giving me a handjob, naturally, I didn't complain. After about a minute she asks me if I want a blowjob, once again, I accepted. So she pulls off my pants and throws then on the ground next to the couch. Same with my boxers, it's about now that her dad comes into the room because he can't sleep. So the situation basically ended up in me naked from the waist down with his daughters skirt raised halfway up her back and her bra undone, under a blanket, trying to hold a conversation with her dad without arousing suspicion. This worked surprisingly well and nothing was said, as he left I sat up and put on my boxers and pants, only to have him reenter while I'm doing it. He gave me a "your dead" look, then left the room. luckily I left for home the next day and never had to see that guy again. Made for an awkward night of fear too...

[WiseOldTabbyCat]

In year 4 I remember trying to hold a high-pressure fart in, squeezing my chair and clenching for dear life as two of my teachers were flapping their gums and the rest of the class is waiting patiently in silence.
Some freak of nature forced me to fall off my chair and release this trapped gas like a petrol bomb. I can laugh about it now, but back then it was mortifying.

[Iceshade]

Here's a long one but a good one. In high school my friends and I used to play paintball nearly every weekend. The one weekend my friend who I'll call Red forgot to bring a CO2 tank. I had an extra one so I let him borrow it, and I said just refill it and keep it until we play again. This jackass decides, hey it'd be a great idea to fill it up and bring it into school on Monday! So first period he sits beside me. He opens up his bag and hands me this CO2 tank that is completely full. Also, another genius element about Red, his dad has a big CO2 tank on his farm so he just filled up the canister himself - which means it's most likely over-filled. This tank had been used a whole lot so the O-ring at the top was in really poor condition too. These things all added up to possible disaster.

I take the canister from him and I am carrying it in my backpack for the next few classes. 4th period rolls along, and we have a calculus test. Literally halfway through the period, I hear a loud pop! and then frozen air comes shooting out of my backpack. The teacher gets up and runs over and says "What is that!? Is that dangerous!?!?" and I tried to explain what it was but the damn thing was so loud and everyone was causing a commotion so she didn't hear me. I tried to unzip my bag and reach into stop it somehow, but my zipper was coated with that frosty ice stuff and the tank itself was now freezing cold. Finally the tank emptied itself and everyone in the room was dead silent. I spoke up and said "It's a CO2 tank, it's can't hurt anyone it's basically just air." I looked to the left to see Red sitting there, laughing his ass off at me.

Here's a five-minute Paint rendition of the event:

http://i40.tinypic.com/35mlhki.jpg

Other than the overall awkwardness and embarrassment from the situation, I also suffered awkward moments later when I became friends with some of the people who were there at the time and they told me they thought I was gonna blow up the school =\

[Jwolf]

When I was in primary school I was sitting behind a girl, and she thought noone was behind her and let off a fart and then looked behind and saw me there.

Kinda more awkward for her than for me.

[pikaknight79]

During the summer i took a first aid course. Sitting next to me was this mentaly

challanged guy, and next to him there was this emo chick who showed cleavage every

day of the course. The mentaly handicapped guy stared at her tits the whole time.

Staring as in he would crouch down and move his face like 7cm away from her. IT

was funny as hell, and the best part was that she was a super hardcore feminest, lol

USER WAS PUT IN TIMEOUT FOR THIS POST. (http://forums.explosm.net/eventlog.php)
Reason: lol

[jewishjosh]

The mentaly handicapped guy stared at her tits the whole time.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider this sort of behaviour to be a sign of mental retardation at all.

[WoeStorm]

I think it was because he didn't try to hide it like most guys do.

[SuckMyHorn]

Once got caught during phone sex by my girlfriends mom. She picked up the phone while we were really starting to get into the dirty talk and said, "Hello? Who is this?" I'm sure we're all aquainted with what happens when you untwist the seal on a balloon.

[JohnDoe]

I'm sure we're all aquainted with what happens when you untwist the seal on a balloon.

So you deflated while emitting a high pitched squeaky noise?

[pikaknight79]

Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider this sort of behaviour to be a sign of mental retardation at all.

Im not saying he's handicappaed because of that, he was actually mentaly handicapped, he had a helper and everything.

[Kashew]

For the ADHD reader, there is a tl;dr version at the bottom.

A bit back, my FD got called to a fire in a neighboring district. House was going pretty good. I did some work on the second floor of this building and then came out to change my air bottle. While out there, town fire investigator requisitioned me from my crew to do some work for him.

I figured it'd be fun working for him and looking for cause/origin stuff before it got too badly damaged by the water or was thrown out during salvage and overhaul.

I was wrong. This guy takes me to a neighboring house and tells me that the people on the porch need someone to get their medications, car keys and other important things out of this still burning house. So he sends me in to get some of this stuff. No problem. Get it. Come back out.

Get back out there and he's like "You're going to have to go back in and get some more things..." in a tone that I didn't quite like. I agreed and asked what I needed to get this time. He tells me that this woman needs her keys, medications, and her four cats. Not a big deal. Then the hammer drops. Her apartment is on the second floor, which the fire was just knocked down on and the third floor and attic are still going pretty good.

I tough it up and go inside. Get up to her apartment and there are 4 firefighters up there scrambling around. I ask them what they're doing and they say "We've been trying to get these god damned cats for 10 minutes now!" So I tell them I was sent to get them too. They tell me that they're now my problem and they'll be going out to get some water.

So I go around her apartment, grab her keys and meds. Then I begin to look for the cats. This is where things go awry. These cats are in a burning building, scared as hell of us in all our gear, and soaked. Recipe for disaster right here. So I end up chasing two of the cats around her apartment. Doesn't really go well. I corner one and it'll leap over me or get around me. At this point, I'm trying my hardest not to knock stuff over. But the frustration mounts, and I take a break. I'm standing in the living room of her apartment and another crew walks by and tells me that two of the cats were dead on the stairs and they knew cause they had crawled on top of their bodies while putting the fire out. So two cats down. Only these two to get.

Go back to getting these cats and now this is no-holds-barred looking for them. They go under a couch, I flip it. They go behind a dresser, it's pulled out. They go in the closet behind a bunch of boxes...well this is where it gets tough. This woman had BOXES AND BOXES of crap in this closet along with the cats' litter box. It reeks and it crowded. I've got one cat cornered in there and I'm going to at least get that one before I go back outside.

So I figure I'll kinda slide the boxes out of the way and get the cat. Sounds simple. Not so much. I move the box out of the way and I've got my head and one arm close to it to grab the cat. Bad move. This cat leaps right at my face and misses it by millimeters.

I scramble to get out of the way and end up knocking over about 10 of these big ass boxes all over the floor. There's crap everywhere. Somehow, though, I managed to get a hold of the cat. I decide enough is enough and I'm getting the fuck out of Dodge. At the time, it was probably the least fun I ever had.

Cat under my arm, I get outside and give it to this woman. She thanks me and asks where the other three are. I tell her I don't know because telling this obviously distraught woman that not only is her apartment on fire but she lost three cats is something I don't want to have to do.

Anyways, get back home from the fire and go to bed. Next day, I ask my mom if she saw the fire on the news and she says she did. I told her I saved this lady's cat. My mom replies that she saw that lady interviewed on the news and the lady claims she saved the cat before she ran outside.

After that moment, I think to myself that at least I got to knock some shit over looking for this lady's cat that she didn't credit me with bringing to her. So the past turns into a slightly fun memory.

Mainly, it's just awkward because I usually don't feel bad tossing someone's shit around in a burning building unless it's on fire...but I spent half an hour chasing this lady's cat around and she didn't even give me credit...feel slightly better knowing that retrieving that cat forced me to "move" her stuff out of the way. I mean, life is more important than property, right? Who cares if I happened to make a mess out of her apartment in the process. I guess it's only awkward because I got some fun out of doing this lady a favor and breaking her shit in the process. That and it was my first save out of a burning building. Cat or not, still a big deal to me...and therefore, a big blow to not be given credit for it.

That, my good sirs, was awkwardly fun.

tl;dr version: Had a fire. Looked for lady's cat. Tossed her stuff around trying to catch it. Got pissed over looking for cat. Eventually saved cat. Lady took credit for saving it on the news. Hindsight, it was fun to throw her shit around. Awkward because I don't usually feel good about throwing someone's shit around.

[SourChicken]

Ricky Gervais' character in the original is the king of cringe. I've only seen about half of each episode because i just can't watch most of it.
For some reason I can't find the original office anywhere but online in the states, and my computer sucks too hard to get a good connection, so I'm "stuck" with the American one I guess.

However, if anyone watched 30 Rock afterwards, every single part of Liz Lemon/Tina Fey's date defines awkward.

"I want to be there" is one of my favorite lines in the history of the planet.
Kenneth and Tracey are also amazing on that show.

[Allen]

I'm never really there for my awkward moment. I'm usually drunk for them.

About a year ago, I went over to a "friend" of mine's house, found some whiskey, drank a lot of that and some of the beer there. Got totally fucking drunk. Went back to his room and duct taped all his expensive electronics up, went into his mom's room and jerked off on her bed, staining her sheets and making no clean-up attempt, then drove the 5 minutes drive back to my house drunk as shit. I haven't spoken to him since. I haven't tried.

This past Halloween I was really drunk at a party at the house of a friend of a girlfriend of a friend's house. I was dressed as the Joker, caked in make up, slicked back green hair, flamboyant purple and orange suit, the works. As I started to get more drunk I decided to rinse the make-up off. I only got the white part off. I still had lipstick and eyeshadow and mascara on with green hair. I end up taking the suit coat and button up shirt off as well, so I'm just down to purple pants and a dark gray undershirt. Some dykes end up coming over to the party. I remember one was wearing an ICP hoody. After that I have no recollection of events, but according to those around, it was quite a site to see a guy with green hair, a skin tight shirt, purple pants, lipstick, and running mascara yell things like:

Singing: "I don't believe in gay rights! I don't believe in pretty dykes!"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? You don't like dick in the puss?"

"I met a dyke once. Which one of you is a dyke? All of you?! Why the fuck aren't you all on the floor liking each other's clits right now?"

"Ever throat fucked a guy with a strap-on?"

Then some other stuff that no one I can face now was there for that apparently so offended the dykes that they all left, one in tears.

Also, apparently, I spent 50 minutes or so standing on a couch singing every song from Prince's Purple Rain.

I've become good friends with my friend's girlfriend now, and they've invited me to go back to that house, I just can't bring myself to.

[Assassin]

Stupid story about a goddamn cat
Goddamnit did I just read all of that for the lamest story in the history of mankind?

[Malevich]

My grandma came to visit us a few years ago (in the family home). We (the family) went out shopping, and she didn't feel like coming, so she stayed in the house. My brother's best friend rocked up at the house while we were out (he used to live down the street and would come over to our place a lot). Seeing the front door ajar, he came inside and asked "is anyone home? Hello?". My grandma is very deaf, so she didn't hear him. He was about to leave, when he heard a strange noise coming from my brother's bedroom (my Nan had been given that room for the duration of her visit). Now - he did not know my Nan was visiting, nor had they ever met before. He walked into the room asking "Tim? are you in here?", and there he saw my Nan, stark naked, doing her exercises (which involved touching her toes...........yeah...). They locked eyes, and he screamed, and ran out of the house.

I only found out about this when he finally told us about a month later. My Nan has never mentioned anything, and we don't really want to bring it up with her.

Also, they were properly introduced about 6 months later when she was visiting again. It was very awkward with both of them acting like they'd never met before.

[SexiLexi]

I was having drunk sex with a "boy of summer" when my ex walks in....later that night they are beer pong partners; they call my attention to their side of the table and high five about their common conquest...

[IronWire]

Well you don't make it sound like you're NOT a floozy; "drunk sex with a boy of the summer".

[Seattle_Steven]

Women aren't supposed to get drunk or have sex or enjoy sex or talk about it.

[SexiLexi]

Well you don't make it sound like you're NOT a floozy; "drunk sex with a boy of the summer".

1 boy. 1 summer.
who says floozy anymore?
and whether I'm a "floozy" or not wasn't really the topic for discussion was it?
way to be judgmental.

[Niki]

If you're talking about drunk sex with a random guy, yeah, it kind of is.

[ssjgohan4life]

A girl at my high school ages ago had to go to the hospital to get a broken banana removed from her vagina... My question is how the hell did she break it? Unless she for some unknown reason she peeled it first 0_0

My friends and I had a habbit of just being asses to each other, tripping, knocking trapper keepers out of each others hands etc. My friend Faizan ALWAYS recovered from a trip without a second's thought about it, then one day we were at lunch and as he headed off to get food I tripped him, figures the one time he wouldn't catch him self he'd be in front of half our school.. I felt like a jackass after that lol

[SexiLexi]

I didn't say it was random. You assumed.

[somebody]

Women aren't supposed to get drunk or have sex or enjoy sex or talk about it.

So you want only men to have sex? That is pretty GAY!!!!

[Urser]

A girl at my high school ages ago had to go to the hospital to get a broken banana removed from her vagina

Couldn't she just squeeze it out? I'm no woman, but I assume if a baby can slide out of there, a mushy banana should be no trouble.

[Niki]

That's really dumb urser. Squeezing would just push it further in.

[Urser]

Depends on how you squeeze it. When you're taking a crap, you squeeze from top to bottom, not the other way around.

[Niki]

Um urser, vaginas aren't the same as buttholes.