Waterlungs

[hollywood_maggot]

My usual form of creative outlet is in the form of writing lyrics. I've been a bit dry lately, but here's one that most people seem to love.

I like the sun to be filtered through more than air
Ripples of lazy light making patterns in my hair
Until all the wrinkles go away
And my knuckles join together

I like the contact of my skin on mossy rocks
Time my breath with an underwater clock
Give all of my possessions away
Buy a little castle in the weed

Where I belong, with my waterlungs
Keep on swimming, keep on swimming
I've got me a pair of waterlungs

I like the schools of fish that never blink
Float with the clouds knowing we can't sink
Play with the turtles and birds
Know I've always got my friends

Where I belong, with my waterlungs
Keep on swimming, keep on swimming...

Live for the water, freshest with salt
Live for the breeze, freshest with salt
Live for the fishes, freshest with salt
Live for the water, freshest with me

Where I belong, with my waterlungs
Keep on swimming, keep on swimming
With my waterlungs
Keep on swimming, keep on swimming
With my waterlungs

[Scrotemeal]

Freshest doesn't really sound like a word. Apart from that, sounds pretty cool. Bro.

[Casalen]

Is this a jingle for some sort of refreshing sports drink? If so, I'm definitely buying!

[hollywood_maggot]

Phh, no, its obviously a jingle created to advertise a special form of surgery that gives you gills.

[CharlieH]

It's pretty good. I like it. It's hard to put a rythem to it. Is it to the tune of a song we would know?

[hollywood_maggot]

No. I don't rewrite other peoples songs. I write original things. So yeah, I can see why you'd have difficulty.

[InTransit]

That's pretty good actually, I can actually imagine that as a song. Have you ever put music to it or played it?

[hollywood_maggot]

Nope, to be honest I'm not a musician, I'm just good with words. I'm hoping to learn to sing at some point, so maybe one day it'll get made into a song. =P One guy who read it on another forum put together a bit of music that might have fit it.

[CharlieH]

No. I don't rewrite other peoples songs. I write original things. So yeah, I can see why you'd have difficulty.

No, I mean did you write it with the tune of a song in your head for structure. Doesn't mean you are rewriting anything.

[Gryphon]

Freshest doesn't really sound like a word. Apart from that, sounds pretty cool. Bro.

Are you dumb?


I like it, seriously. Really good, if it were a score out of 5, I'd give it a 3.5 for sure, ONLY because I feel it's missing a little something. Not sure what, but you get my point.

[hollywood_maggot]

Nah, I agree, it's a little wishwashy. It's a break from my usual style, and far...happier than I usually write. Which is odd because I wasn't particularly happy at the time I wrote it.

CharlieH - you said to a song you would know. It suggested rewriting. But yeah...I did write it with a tune in my head at the time, but it was mid-last year I wrote it. Don't have a clue what I was aiming at. xD

[Sherbetcat]

It's really good, but as someone else said, 'freshest' just doesn't fit. You could just shorten it to 'fresh'?