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Audioslave
03-18-2009, 11:44 PM
Her legs stretched forever across the folds of her duvet, her arms reached the bed posts and caressed their worn finish. Raising her head, her eyes accosted the pale pink telephone on her stomach. A bottle of sleep medication sat idle on her bedside table, she contemplated.
He stood grandiosely. He assumed the stage and amalgamated the podium into his unassuming, feeble figure. His body, a testament to years of lab work and meticulous research, was no imposing presence. His intellect, however, was sharp and he used to slice open skulls and pour in the viscous liquid of intelligence.
“My friends” He said, “We are the physical manifestation of a collection of billions of points spanning across three dimensions; height, length and depth. We linearly traverse across a fourth dimension; time and can only conceive of a fifth where our independent decisions are undermined and played out in contradiction to another universe. Dimensions six, seven, eight nine deal with the manifest, and inherent contradiction of having an infinite amount of universes that play out an infinite amount of human decisions that determine an infinite amount of results and the connections of these infinities. This means, of course, that our destinies and all of our possible destinies that have, could have, will or could occur are all summed up by a single point labeled eternity. My friends; you are all insignificant.”
She picked up the phone.
His phone rang.
“Darling?” She asked, timid and quiet.
“Honey, I’m just in the middle of-”
“I know. I just wanted to know when you’re coming home.”
“Tomorrow, my love, tomorrow.”
The iridescent light of his cell phone died when he closed the fold, as did the final syllable of her pained goodbye. Rounding once again to his audience; his mouth opened, his eyes sparkling with fervor.
“Friends, I apologize. Perhaps, though, this is a great opportunity for me to illustrate this concept. Imagine, if you will, a universe where I did not answer my phone just now, or rather, that it did not ring at all. This may seem easy on the surface, but we must recognize the implications.”
She doled out two pills onto her ice cold palm.
“If we accept these universes as true, then we must also accept that they are interconnected and closely associated. They therefore must exist on the same plane, on the same dimension. They are, despite being played out in some of the infinite universes, inexorably related. They branch off from a existing set of preconditions, differing only in the action or decision of the parties involved. In another universe, I could have been dead for twenty years. In another, I may have never been born.”
Her teeth trapped one pill nervously before releasing it and allowing it to pass to her stomach.
“Regardless of these seemingly inconsequential events that could, potentially, have enormous ramifications; they are all, in essence, one. If we imagine the quintessential idea of infinity, a snake eating its own tail, zoomed out to a bird’s eye view, we see that it is essentially a dot. This is the concept of our reality; everything comprises one single dot, no more significant than a grain of sand or a molecule. It perhaps belongs to a larger dimension that comprises another reality, but it is far beyond our naïve understanding.”
Her eyelids shut slowly, her muscles relaxed and her mouth silently fell agape.
He stood in the rain, smoking a cheap cigarette bummed from a stranger, another concept. Cars flew by, their headlights blurring and mixing together. His eyes unfocused, his heart began to beat faster, his lungs expanded and contracted with each puff of his cigarette.
She began to slide into a coma-like state, but as the onset of the drugs took hold, she whispered to the empty house;
“When will you be coming home, my dear?”
As he exhaled smoke into the lonely night sky; the irrationally assembled collection of points, he muttered.
“Tomorrow my love, tomorrow.”
________________________________

It is my hope and intent that this story worked on different levels for different people. My question to you is; how did you understand it? If you liked it is secondary. Some may find that it's just a story, which is understandable and perhaps it is. Others may recognize, or understand the scientific concepts in the story, though they're somewhat inconsequential. Others may recognize the significance of the title and grasp another concept. There are also a few things I left ambiguous, so perhaps someone is following one of those trains of though. I suspect most will simply think it's just a story, which is probably the right answer.

Anyway, full critiques and whatnot is welcomed and appreciated.

Sieda
03-19-2009, 3:59 AM
Well, I understood it to be a story about a scientist who gets so wrapped up in his work he neglects his wife/girlfriend at home when she seems to desperately need his attention. I found it ironic that he talks and thinks on all these different obscure possibilities, yet misses probably the most important thing when it's right under his nose. I found this line to be very relevant 'My friends; you are all insignificant.' in that he may think they're all insignificant, but to his wife/gf or whatever, he's the most significant thing in the universe.

That said, I enjoyed it. I had a bit of a disconnect in the beginning as I didn't realize they were in two different places at once, so when I got to the phone part it suddenly made much more sense.

Also, in the beginning you seem to focus quite a bit on detailed description... a lot of which I think is hindered by complex word choice (such as amalgamated) but then that focus kind of trails off in the middle when everything suddenly turns into dialogue, and never comes back, so it feels like suddenly you're reading a different (and not so difficult to decipher) story.

All and all though. I really did like it. I know it can be difficult writing a story where the focus often jumps between two characters, and not making it a jumbled mess. But you did pretty good I think. I'm a sucker for self-medicating and melodrama though.

Edit: oh yeah, and I think you've got a typo or a missed something in this part. His intellect, however, was sharp and he used to slice open skulls and pour in the viscous liquid of intelligence.

Casalen
03-19-2009, 4:36 AM
Paragraphs need double spacing. Normally I wouldn't say that, but since you're trying to get the idea of multiple places in your story it becomes more important.

If the title is a reference to 'Through the Looking Glass' I'd say it backs the above interpretation, in that the scientist is interested in what could be and what abstract ideas he can postulate and not so much what's here and now.

Which is why he will build a time machine or inter-dimensional gateway or something to pursue some misguided attempt to save his wife after her death. Maybe he believes there's a realm she can be brought back from. Or something. Regardless, he ends up fighting scary aliens or dinosaurs.

Audioslave
03-19-2009, 9:03 AM
Interesting, interesting :mmyes:

Mr. Wink
03-19-2009, 9:09 AM
His intellect, however, was sharp and he used to slice open skulls and pour in the viscous liquid of intelligence.

Slightly confused by this sentence, otherwise, well done.

Unspoken_Demise
03-19-2009, 9:13 AM
:clap: Honestly, the imagery was pretty incredible. I felt like I knew the man and the woman on a personal level. I felt connected to them. Most of us know how it feels to find yourself wrapped in work and the rat race money creates, but hopefully us men have found the love of a good woman to help us through our struggles.

This is wonderfully written, and as previous expressed, the irony of the insignificance of life vs. the significance of love is palpable.

Keep up the good work. This makes me think some pretty deep thoughts.

Tweek
03-19-2009, 9:15 AM
I recognised the scientific concepts and I think I see the relevance of what he talks about and what occurs in the story.

The ending is unclear to me, but that is just me. It's late and I am not focussed.

Is that the sort of thing you wanted me to tell you?

edit: Oh I forgot about the title, that makes things a little clearer but still, it is confusing.

Audioslave
03-19-2009, 10:04 AM
Well, the idea I had playing out in my head was that this concept he was speaking about (string theory, if anyones wondering) implied that his actions, or lack thereof, were being played out contrary in another universe. In another universe, he would be laying next to his wife or in another they would never have met. I don't know if this is scientific accurate, and I doubt that this would have occurred to anyone, but I also thought that maybe that telephone call was the bridging of two universes.

Anyway, I'll say no more than that. Thanks for the responses, guys. Keep em comin.

Unspoken_Demise
03-19-2009, 10:44 AM
Well, the idea I had playing out in my head was that this concept he was speaking about (string theory, if anyones wondering) implied that his actions, or lack thereof, were being played out contrary in another universe. In another universe, he would be laying next to his wife or in another they would never have met. I don't know if this is scientific accurate, and I doubt that this would have occurred to anyone, but I also thought that maybe that telephone call was the bridging of two universes.

Anyway, I'll say no more than that. Thanks for the responses, guys. Keep em comin.
:science: Wow, I hadn't thought of the phone call in that way. You just blew my mind!

Clark
03-19-2009, 3:34 PM
I also thought that maybe that telephone call was the bridging of two universes.

Now that I know this, the story seems to come together much better. I thought it a bit weird that the woman committed suicide after the man spoke to her as he did. I initially felt that their relationship should have been stable and one of those "get closer as you get older" type of thing, especially when he said "Tomorrow my love, tomorrow." If you hear something like that, you don't usually go and kill yourself. So the bridging of universes is really conceptually imaginative and brings the story together.
Then again, we don't have too much background in the story and don't really know how the relationship is. In regard to the scientific concepts and ideas, I have heard them before and, while I understand the concepts, the ideas are mind blowing. I didn't understand the allusion in the title, however.
All in all, it was great. I really enjoy your stuff and aspire to be able to write as you do.

Unspoken_Demise
03-19-2009, 3:38 PM
For a drunk bee, you write some pretty intense stories. I would buy this as a novel knowing this would have some incredible plot twists and a cool ending i'm sure.

4cE
03-19-2009, 5:21 PM
Perhaps she is in a different universe then he is?

Sieda
03-19-2009, 6:44 PM
Ah. I did get the 'science' behind it. And the phone call as the bridge between two universes is a cool idea, but one that I missed. Not quite sure how you would infer that without someone else explicitly stating it though.

I still prefer to think of it as he's so focused on infinite possibility, that he inadvertently sacrifices the one definite thing in his life. But that's probably because it's a problem I can relate too. Too much time focused on the big picture, fudge up the details, that sort of thing.

Casalen
03-19-2009, 8:12 PM
Well, the idea I had playing out in my head was that this concept he was speaking about (string theory, if anyones wondering) implied that his actions, or lack thereof, were being played out contrary in another universe.

That's actually what I was going for with him building an interdimensional gateway, but the thing is I realized that wouldn't make much sense because there'd be another him and she wouldn't be the same person.

The phone call bridge thing I didn't see, although now that I look at the ending when it's not 2:30 in the morning and I'm somewhat awake the concept comes together better.

Audioslave
03-19-2009, 10:40 PM
you don't usually go and kill yourself. So the bridging of universes is really conceptually imaginative and brings the story together..

It never said she killed herself :facts:

Ah. I did get the 'science' behind it. And the phone call as the bridge between two universes is a cool idea, but one that I missed. Not quite sure how you would infer that without someone else explicitly stating it though.

I still prefer to think of it as he's so focused on infinite possibility, that he inadvertently sacrifices the one definite thing in his life. But that's probably because it's a problem I can relate too. Too much time focused on the big picture, fudge up the details, that sort of thing.

It never explicitly said it because I wanted to keep it ambiguous. In a sense, the story itself is a metaphor for an infinity of different and contrary possibilities. In one version, she kills herself, in another, she's in a different universe then him, etc.

SizzlingNickel
03-19-2009, 10:47 PM
This is very interesting Mr. Audio.Too bad i cant read it all today...Maybe tomorrow:banjo:

tunacake
03-23-2009, 6:11 PM
I actually interpreted it pretty differently.
Originally, I was thinking along the same lines as some of the previous posts, but then I got to that last vexing line ad started thinking differently. I thought back to that other line, "It perhaps belongs to a larger dimension that comprises another reality, but it is far beyond our naïve understanding.” and thought maybe that wasn't entirely true. Maybe the scientist through his work had some kind of immense revelation, something that allowed him to view the world and all being for what it truly was and was trying to profess this revelation through his seminars or speeches or whatever to pass on his knowledge, but it was something that occurred within his mind and not a concrete fact, and so all he could get across were the concepts listed in the story. Everyone else was left blind to what he now knew.

As for the wife/girlfriend, the scientist had the ability to see the world from all 11 dimensions of spacetime, so interpersonal relationships when placed on the grand spectrum of his knowledge seemed really unimportant. Therefore the "tomorrows" in the story were most likely the end of a long series of tomorrows that he gave her every day, with no real intention of coming back.

And yes, she killed herself.

Audioslave
03-23-2009, 6:41 PM
Therefore the "tomorrows" in the story were most likely the end of a long series of tomorrows that he gave her every day, with no real intention of coming back.

And yes, she killed herself.

Yeah, that's absolutely what the 'tomorrow' bit is, hence when it is called "Jam Tomorrow."

"The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day."

And no, she didn't kill herself.

tunacake
03-23-2009, 6:55 PM
And no, she didn't kill herself.

I realize that from your other posts, I was just explaining my original interpretation.

Audioslave
03-23-2009, 7:05 PM
I realize that from your other posts, I was just explaining my original interpretation.

That is fine. Just pointing it out :facts: