Years

[Sherbetcat]

I write a lot. Most of it comes out as undecipherable drabble, but I occasionally some inspiration will sneak up behind me and I end up actually finishing something.
Here: http://sherbetcat.wordpress.com/2009/02/27/years/

I always find writing endings is awkward. Even when I know exactly what is going to happen, to me it always seems rushed and not in tune with the rest of a story. Comments?


Aside from that, how do you (addressing any other writers out there) think of story plots/etc? Do they just randomly pop into your head, or do you spend a long time thinking about them and planning them out?

[Talek]

Do they just randomly pop into your head, or do you spend a long time thinking about them and planning them out?

mainly randomly, sometimes though when you're doing something and you go 'ooh that'd be a good idea for a story', and you have a while to think about it before you get the chance to actually write it.

For example, i was marching over this mountain with the reserve defence forces, and the scenery made me think of this story, but it was 2 weeks before i got home and could write it. During the camp more and more things kept coming to me and I ended up using it in an English exam >.> lol


I read the first few paragraphs of your story, I'll finish and comment on it later. Seems like a good start though!

[Audioslave]

For the record, the story you posted was hard to get through. You chose crazy verb tenses that no other writer would ever use, and you should consider fixing it up.

I always find writing endings is awkward. Even when I know exactly what is going to happen, to me it always seems rushed and not in tune with the rest of a story. Comments?

I write based on an initial concept, a feeling or an image, never from a conclusion or an ending.


Aside from that, how do you (addressing any other writers out there) think of story plots/etc? Do they just randomly pop into your head, or do you spend a long time thinking about them and planning them out?

Anything forced turned out to crap. Natural flow is the best.

[Sherbetcat]

[QUOTE=Audioslave;1092737]For the record, the story you posted was hard to get through. You chose crazy verb tenses [QUOTE]

Do you mean hard to get to because of the 'crazy verb tenses'? Also, can you remember any examples of them, because that would help a lot.

[QUOTE=Audioslave;1092737]I write based on an initial concept, a feeling or an image, never from a conclusion or an ending. [QUOTE]

I completely agree here, although it's normally character traits or a certain sentence of speech that pops into my mind.

[sprene]

I haven't written much lately, but whenever I do, it's normally from one solid idea that came to me suddenly that I think I could expand on, or some random metaphor or statement I thought was somewhat insightful.

(I'm sure you'll notice when you check this thread again, but your "end-quote" commands are missing the "/" before "quote")

[Oofie]

It's cliched and over sentimental. And the writing doesn't save the poor plot.

I'm not just being mean, I'm being honest. Your characters are totally hackneyed, yet unbelievable at the same time. I'll elaborate if you want me to, but I'm hoping you get my point.

[Quadros]

Yeah that wasn't great at all. I'll go through the flaws in great detail if you want me to but suffice to say the whole thing reads like it was written from behind emo-coloured shades.

[Audioslave]

Do you mean hard to get to because of the 'crazy verb tenses'? Also, can you remember any examples of them, because that would help a lot.[/quote]

Large parts of your story are written in perfect condition;

"Six months ago, I would’ve been vainly trying to light a cigarette whilst sitting here"

Which you later fuck up by saying;

"Though even Jay was disappointed in me, I could tell."

Which should have been;

"Even though Jay would have been disappointed in me if I could have told."

Which is totally moronic. You never, ever want to write a story like this. You shouldn't try to tell about something that could have happened in this tense, as it is usually used to describe a hypothetical situation. If you try and actually describe things that happens, it gets insanely confusing.

[Quadros]

There are 3 things that really pissed me off.

1. The Girlfriend
JUST DUMP HER THEN FOR FUCK'S SAKE. He's 17, and she's a royal pain in the ass. If I had a girlfriend who was nothing more than a constant chore, I'd dump her in a second. Especially if I was 17.

2. The Parents
No parents would ever say that about their son's dead best friend. Ever. Especially not the 'nice but disappointed' cliche parents.

3. Jay's last words.
Here are some sample last words for a traffic accident victim;

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH I AM IN UNBELIVABLE PAIN, LOOK YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE MY SHIN BONE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH'

'mommy'

'Hold me'

'Tell Suzie I- Urghfgdarfefp'

Notice how 'faggy little monologue' isn't in there? Yeah, there's a reason for that.

[Sherbetcat]

Okay, thanks for all the comments, and I've tried to take them into consideration. I've finally managed to update it, and it does seem to be a bit better.

Only to your first point, Quadros, some people out there really are that spineless when it comes to a significant other.

[timbot]

I didn't think it was terrible. There were problems, but overall I found it a decent story. The verb tense thing seemed OK to me. I didn't notice any exceptionally long sections in the perfect tense. Using perfect tense is not such a terrible thing. And, you would actually fix the part about Jay by saying "Though I could tell Jay had been disappointed in me." No need to use "would have been" because Jay actually was disappointed by the narrator's smoking at some point prior point in the past when the action of the story takes place.
Ok, enough grammar discourse.
The only thing that really bothered me other than a couple of sentences or words here and there was the section as 10 year olds. It sounded really unnatural. I couldn't imagine 10 year olds talking like that. It made them feel like real stock characters. For that matter, the parents weren't too great either. They definitely seemed one-dimensional.
It wasn't mind blowing, but it's got potential I think.