We do not exist

[InnerDemon]

It's sort of a poem I wrote, called "We do not exist". It will probably sound bad as I translated it from my mother tongue trying to maintain the feeling. Anyway, here it is:

Alien nations have concluded
That Earthlings do not exist.

Their newspapers have titled:
"Earthlings' non-existence confirmed!".
Actually, they haven't titled quite so
But something like:
*alien language impossible to reproduce*

Their military leaders
Decided that the lights in the sky
are merely traces of the war between
Gnatsum and Algov,
two of their states.

We do not exist.
That's what they have decided.

I love you, my dearest
But alas
Neither you, nor I exist.
That's what they have decided.

The sunset doesn't actually smells like linden flowers
because neither linden, nor sunset exist.
There is only a Sun that sheds light upon
something that does not exist.

I no longer dream.
Why would I dream when, being an Earthling,
it has been decided that I do not exist?

There is a group of fanatic aliens
Who actually believe in our existence.
Hundreds of experiments are being made
In order to open their eyes:
We do not exist.

One of those fanatics swears he had seen me through the telescope.
It wasn't me.
I do not exist.

***

I am looking forward to your opinion :fmita:

[Crabstick]

It might be because it's a translation, but it doesn't have any sort of feel to it. It's just a repetitive hashing of a fictional point, and it doesn't arrive at that point through any poetic means. Kinda just a bunch of words that don't mean much.

[Casalen]

What's the original language?

[Audioslave]

Yeah, there's no poetic feel, nothin'.

[InnerDemon]

What's the original language?

Romanian.

I wrote this after having watched a Discovery show about aliens where some opinionated guy was continuously affirming that aliens do not exist. It's about others forcing their decisions upon you, you don't exist because they say so. It's sort of like that question "Does the Universe exist if there's no mind to perceive it?". All in all, I myself don't like it very much and saying that it's bad only because it's translated is a sad excuse. Thank you for your opinions though. I'll post something else and if that sucks as well, then I'll just stop posting them. So here goes: this one is called "It's a sunset past 8"


...then I noticed the horizon had caught fire
And the trees were burning along,
And I hate that I can't see the sunset
Because of the searing trees resting their silhouette
Over it.

Yet I took a picture of it
And perhaps somebody, some other times, somewhere else
Will see the sunset I missed
Because of the trees painted upon dusk's canvas.

*
My hand bids you a farewell.
Your hand stands motionless.
It's ok.
I'll think your hand was stiff
Or maybe numb
From all the other farewells.

*

I've forgotten my lighter at home...

There shall be no sunset this evening.

[Duece]

I liked the first one in a comical sense. The second one though, has a mixture of feelings behind it. Each stanza begins with a new expression and emotion. I'd like to see a concrete message instead of a conglomerate of feeling, you know what I'm saying?

Keep em' coming though, I haven't seen much else that has caught my eye.

[hollywood_maggot]

The first one would probably actually work well as spoken word over ambient music - seeing as it really doesn't have much poetic value, unless you were trying for that. You know the whole rebelling against poetic form.

The second one...the first stanza and the last two lines make sense together, but I feel the other two stanzas were completely out of place. Particularly the third - which doesn't even seem to be related.

[InnerDemon]

While shuffling through my papers I came across a poem I wrote during my "baddass teenager" phase. It's called "Perfume" and goes something like:

The air is full of glass shards...once again you've been here;
They are ripping my lungs;
But I keep on walking, nonchalantly, drawing another breath of air.

It's gay, nevermind it. Here's something more recent, "Thorn":

We eat thorns and hold hands
Because, who knows, maybe we won't get stung this way.

Stings make you feel alone,
Stings prevent you from seeing the moon.

I hope that sometime,
All we will be able to eat will be thorns.
This way, I'll have to forever hold your hand.

Because, I must admit, I'm very afraid
Of stings.

[Godly]

There's just no flow, nothing makes me want to read on or give me anything interesting to read. It's pretty much just phrases with rhyming endings.

[hollywood_maggot]

There's not even rhyming endings. But that's part of the point with free verse, it doesn't have to have typical flow. I do think the first one has some degree of flow.

But I found it funny, because it said 'We Do Not Exist' and the last poster was 'Godly'. Anyway....