Chrisso
06-08-2009, 10:51 AM
On a fine morning in late March, a young Alec Baldwin awoke from his slumber. He dreamt of the most beautiful things ones imagination could possibly muster up: Dandelions, Daffodils, Violets, Mistletoes, Mayflowers, Poppies, Sunflowers, Roses, Lilies, Lilacs, Carnations, Azaleas, Magnolias, Goldenrods, Bitterroots, Hawthorns, Sagebrush, Laurels, Rhododendrons, Jessamines, Crown Vetch's, Dogwoods, Yuccas, Tickseeds, Peonies, Hibiscus, Camellias, and Hydrangeas.
Upon his awakening, he noticed something was clearly amiss. It took him a moment to realize it, but suddenly it hit him, like a Blue Jay in the jungle, like a frozen sun, it hit him hard enough to grab him from the brain and throw him a hundred yards across a football field. Alec Baldwin had forgotten to brush his teeth! He quickly threw his blankets onto his dog, Stevie Ray Vaughan, awakening it from it's own beautiful slumber whose dreams consisted of the unrivaled beauty of Hydrogen, Arsenic, Boron, Potassium, Neon, Helium, Oxygen, Sulfur, Gold, Carbon, Silver, Aluminum, Nickel, Lead, Plutonium, Lithium, Titanium, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Iodine, Manganese, Argon, Sodium, Xenon, Zinc, Silicon, Mercury, Iridium, and Molybdenum.
As Alec dashed into the nearest bathroom and shut the door, Stevie Ray Vaughan became angered. As the sound of the toothbrush against teeth began, Stevie decided to formulate his devious coup of household control while his dominant humanoid companion continued brushing. There was a dirty cup on the bedside table. Stevie paced back and forth, pondering his next move, wrestling within the deepest and darkest caverns of his mind to figure out the key to the one-move checkmate of a lifetime... After all, this was his chance, and he was only a fucking dog. As he looked down towards his paw, he noticed something rather strange. He had never seen this on his paw before, but it was too small. He had to poke his head closer to see exactly what this thing might've been. As he squinted his eyes, he finally figured out what this previously unnoticed peculiarity was...
It was a flea.
"One minute's up," Stevie thought as he continued pacing, the sound of teeth being scrubbed continued to make it's way from the other side of the bathroom door. He knew that the official recommended amount of time to brush your teeth, as suggested by certified dentists, lies at approximately two minutes. He continued pacing back and forth when suddenly it hit him! He discovered how to trigger the catalyst that would shift all household control to him! He had just solved all of his problems. "No more dog food!" he thought, "No more telling him I have to poop! No more collar around my neck! No more leashes! No more drinking from the toilet bowl! No more newspaper punishment! No more half-eaten sandwiches! No more onions and chocolate! No more dogsledding practice in the summer! No more watching him watch television! No more--"
Alec opened the door and noticed Stevie standing there, looking back up at him.
"Oh, sorry, buddy!" Alec said, "You must be thirsty, I'll go put the lid back up!" As he made his way back to the toilet and lifted the seat, Alec Baldwin promptly pulled his gun out from inside the bowl and shot Stevie Ray Vaughan in the face. He slowly walked back towards the corpse and placed his left foot on the head of the canine.
"Never fuck with Alec Baldwin."
Upon his awakening, he noticed something was clearly amiss. It took him a moment to realize it, but suddenly it hit him, like a Blue Jay in the jungle, like a frozen sun, it hit him hard enough to grab him from the brain and throw him a hundred yards across a football field. Alec Baldwin had forgotten to brush his teeth! He quickly threw his blankets onto his dog, Stevie Ray Vaughan, awakening it from it's own beautiful slumber whose dreams consisted of the unrivaled beauty of Hydrogen, Arsenic, Boron, Potassium, Neon, Helium, Oxygen, Sulfur, Gold, Carbon, Silver, Aluminum, Nickel, Lead, Plutonium, Lithium, Titanium, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Iodine, Manganese, Argon, Sodium, Xenon, Zinc, Silicon, Mercury, Iridium, and Molybdenum.
As Alec dashed into the nearest bathroom and shut the door, Stevie Ray Vaughan became angered. As the sound of the toothbrush against teeth began, Stevie decided to formulate his devious coup of household control while his dominant humanoid companion continued brushing. There was a dirty cup on the bedside table. Stevie paced back and forth, pondering his next move, wrestling within the deepest and darkest caverns of his mind to figure out the key to the one-move checkmate of a lifetime... After all, this was his chance, and he was only a fucking dog. As he looked down towards his paw, he noticed something rather strange. He had never seen this on his paw before, but it was too small. He had to poke his head closer to see exactly what this thing might've been. As he squinted his eyes, he finally figured out what this previously unnoticed peculiarity was...
It was a flea.
"One minute's up," Stevie thought as he continued pacing, the sound of teeth being scrubbed continued to make it's way from the other side of the bathroom door. He knew that the official recommended amount of time to brush your teeth, as suggested by certified dentists, lies at approximately two minutes. He continued pacing back and forth when suddenly it hit him! He discovered how to trigger the catalyst that would shift all household control to him! He had just solved all of his problems. "No more dog food!" he thought, "No more telling him I have to poop! No more collar around my neck! No more leashes! No more drinking from the toilet bowl! No more newspaper punishment! No more half-eaten sandwiches! No more onions and chocolate! No more dogsledding practice in the summer! No more watching him watch television! No more--"
Alec opened the door and noticed Stevie standing there, looking back up at him.
"Oh, sorry, buddy!" Alec said, "You must be thirsty, I'll go put the lid back up!" As he made his way back to the toilet and lifted the seat, Alec Baldwin promptly pulled his gun out from inside the bowl and shot Stevie Ray Vaughan in the face. He slowly walked back towards the corpse and placed his left foot on the head of the canine.
"Never fuck with Alec Baldwin."