So I have an audition

[Fluzz]

With a Toronto agency, it's in less then a week and I need to memorize two monologues about a minute long. The memorization shouldn't be a problem, I just don't know which monologues to use. Monologues can be taken from the library, theater book store or internet, if anyone could help me out there I'd be grateful, please don't send me Colin's movie monologue page.

The first monlogue has to be heart felt, like a death in the family or something along those lines, any suggestions?

The second monologue has to show attitude, a heartless or reckless person, an example given was a street kid. I did a play a couple of months back involving kids on the street, I might use that unless a better suggestion is given.

[I_Smell]

He-Man series 2 episode 4: Skeletor's lament.

[Weirdusername]

Major-General's Song from Pirates of the Penzance

I am the very model of a modern Major-General (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_General),
I've information vegetable (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegetable), animal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal), and mineral (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mineral),
I know the kings of England (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_English_monarchs), and I quote the fights historica (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fifteen_Decisive_Battles_of_the_World)l
From Marathon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Marathon) to Waterloo (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Waterloo), in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mathematics),
I understand equations (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equation), both the simple and quadratical (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadratic_equation),
About binomial theorem (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binomial_theorem) I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pythagorean_theorem).
I'm very good at integral (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Integral_calculus) and differential (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Differential_calculus) calculus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calculus);
I know the scientific names (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Binomial_nomenclature) of beings animalculous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animalcule):
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twenty_Questions),
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

I know our mythic history, King Arthur (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Arthur)'s and Sir Caradoc (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caradoc)'s;
I answer hard acrostics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acrostic), I've a pretty taste for paradox (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paradox),
I quote in elegiacs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elegiac) all the crimes of Heliogabalus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elagabalus),
In conics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conic_section) I can floor peculiarities parabolous (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parabola);
I can tell undoubted Raphaels (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raphael) from Gerard Dows (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gerard_Dou) and Zoffanies (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johann_Zoffany),
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Frogs) of Aristophanes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristophanes)!
Then I can hum a fugue (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fugue) of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And whistle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whistling) all the airs (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_%28music%29) from that infernal nonsense Pinafore (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H.M.S._Pinafore).
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babylonian_language) cuneiform (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cuneiform_%28script%29),
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caratacus)'s uniform:
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mamelon_%28fort%29)" and "ravelin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravelin)",
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mauser) from a javelin (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Javelin_throw),
When such affairs as sorties (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sortie) and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commissariat)",
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun),
When I know more of tactics (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_tactics) than a novice (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Novitiate) in a nunnery (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abbey)—
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_strategy)—
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a-gee (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Horse).
For my military (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military) knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.

[Zombi]

Memorize some famous monologue from Stephen king or Shakespeare.

[Applesauce]

From the 33rd chapter of Kalevala, lines 89-102, 124-128
Synopsis: Kullervo, an orphan serving the mistress of the legendary smith Ilmarinen, sits down for lunch after sending the cows out to pasture. The mistress is a total bitch so she puts a rock in his loaf of bread, and his knife (the only thing he has left of his family) breaks against the rock and he's like "The fuck?!" He then hears a raven who says "Kill the cows and charm a bunch of wolves and bears into their likeliness. That way she'll go out milking the cows and they'll maul her to death!" He then cackles maniacally and is all like "Just you wait, you bitch!!!"

"This poor knife, my only brother,
This iron all I had to love,
Heirloom gotten by my father,
Treasured by my honered parent.
Even that I've broken now,
Cracked it hard against the rock
In the loaf of that mean mistress,
Baked up by that vicious vixen.
How repay the woman's jeering,
woman's jeering, housemaid's mocking,
nasty woman's treacherous bread loaf,
bakings of the vicious whore?

Just you wait, you whore of Hiisi (heesee, the Satan of Finnish mythos)
as I grieve now for my knife,
Weeping for my father's blade,
So you yourself will grieve in turn,
Weeping for your precious milkers."

Not quite the best but it gets the job done for the emotional part.

[Fluzz]

Although good for theater, this agency works with on film shows and movies such as degrassi.

[Abe Vigoda]

Do you guys know what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together. Yeah, you know him? Well then, you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some skin too. And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school, all the wild things he used to do, and I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So, I'm sitting in the locker room and I'm taping up my knee and Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me and he's kinda, kinda skinny, weak, and I started thinking about my father and his attitude about weakness, and the next thing I knew I, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him. Then my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father and Larry having to go home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation, the f#@king humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my old man. God, I f#@king hate him. He's like, he's like this mindless machine I can't even relate to anymore. "Andrew, you've got to be number one. I won't tolerate any losers in this family. Your intensity is for sh!t." You son of a b!*ch. You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. He could forget all about me.

[ultrasoundchick]

I have no ideas off the top of my head for a heartfelt monologue. I'll keep thinking.

When I read about the second one, the first thing that came to mind was Samuel L. Jackson in "Pulp Fiction," going on about Ezekiel 25. That one is probably extremely overused. The movie "Snatch" has a lot of monologues in it that would fit description perfectly.

[BmphP]

Ezekiel 25:17. "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the
tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through
the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike
down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you!

[Fluzz]

I was going to do the last scene in Forrest Gump but then I realized it has to be age appropriate so I think I might do the one from Breakfast Club that Abe recommended.

[JonC]

I could write you a monologue. But it'll probably be three days worth though.

[CnGy]

you won't make it if you don't know what you want to do

[Exodus]

For the street kid you should do steve-o's rant on poseurs from S.L.C. punk. Plenty of attitude right there.

[BlackHood]

The best speech ever:

Does Marcellus Wallace Look like a Bitch?!

[Metalhead636]

Do this from good will hunting for the street kid:
Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin', 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure fuck it, while I'm at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

[BlackHood]

Thats a pretty good one actually.

[Allen]

Do the Breakfast Club and Good Will Hunting ones.

End of thread.

[Metalhead636]

The one I posted is the best thing ever, if you got a good Boston Accent.

[Casalen]

I don't get it. Why don't you just give the casting director sexual services like everyone else does?

If you go with the 'acting tryout' thing instead, remember that what you read isn't nearly as important as how you read it. And you may be asked to read it differently multiple times, that's my preferred method of screwing with/testing actors.

[PYLrulz]

With a Toronto agency, it's in less then a week and I need to memorize two monologues about a minute long. The memorization shouldn't be a problem, I just don't know which monologues to use. Monologues can be taken from the library, theater book store or internet, if anyone could help me out there I'd be grateful, please don't send me Colin's movie monologue page.

The first monlogue has to be heart felt, like a death in the family or something along those lines, any suggestions?

The second monologue has to show attitude, a heartless or reckless person, an example given was a street kid. I did a play a couple of months back involving kids on the street, I might use that unless a better suggestion is given.

Well, I dont have any suggestions other than to maybe go along with what some of the others have said, but I will wish you the best of luck :rock:

[BlackHood]

Do the I Have A Dream speech but in a cockney accent.

[Quadros]

Memorize some famous monologue from Stephen king or Shakespeare.

Did you seriously just put those two in the same sentence together?

Memorise one of my amazing forum posts. Guaranteed orgasm.

[Fluzz]

I can't do good will hunting cause it has to be age appropriate. I'm 16, but I can maybe pull of something as old as 18

[CnGy]

do twilight

[SourChicken]

If you do something out of your age group well don't you think they'd give you bonus points?

Fuck it I don't know how this works.

[BlackHood]

So you're looking for a monologue spoken by a 16 year old? Apart from Joan of Ark you might be buggered.

[Quadros]

Juliet had one I think. Something about a balcony?

[BlackHood]

I always forget that R&J were young. Something to do with always being portrayed by mid twentys actors.

also Cliché alert!!

[Fluzz]

It has to be gender appropriate and Shakesphere isn't really what they're looking for.

So I'm doing the breakfast club one for angst and a play I was in has provided me with some depressing material. I'd close the thread but I want to tell you all how I did because I'm narcissistic that way.

[nicoleislazy]

You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown

Charlie Brown:

“I think lunchtime is about the worst time of the day for me. Always having to sit here alone. Of course, sometimes mornings aren’t so pleasing, either…waking up and wondering if anyone would really miss me if I never got out of bed. Then, there’s the night, too – lying there and thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done during the day. And all those hours in between – when I do all those stupid things … Well, lunchtime is among the worst times for me. Well, I guessI better see what I got. (He opens bag, unwraps a sandwich, and looks inside.) Peanut Butter. (He bites and chews.) Some psychiatrists say people who eat peanut butter sandwiches are lonely. I guess they’re right. And if you’re really right the peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth. (He munches quietly, idly fingering the bench.) Boy the PTA did a good job of painting these benches. (He looks off to one side.) There’s that cute little redheaded girl eating her lunch over there. I wonder what she’d do if I went over and asked her if I could sit and have lunch with her. She’d probably laugh right in my face. It’s hard on a face when it gets laughed in. There’s an empty place next to her on the bench. There’s no reason why I couldn’t just go over there and sit there. I could do that right now. All I have to do is stand up. (He stands.) I’m standing up. (He sits.) I’m sitting down. I’m a coward. I’m so much a coward she wouldn’t even think of looking at me. She hardly ever does look at me. In fact, I can’t remember her ever looking at me. Why shouldn’t she look at me? Is there any reason in the world why she shouldn’t look at me? IS she so great and I’m so small that she couldn’t spare one little moment just to…(He freezes.) She’s looking at me. (In terror, he looks one way, then another.) She’s looking at me. (His head looks all around frantically trying to find something to notice.)”


tres adorable!

[BlackHood]

Just close the thread and re-open when you want to add something. Otherwise it'll fill with (1) useless monologues (2) Shit.

[Tweek]

You should do something from Taxi Driver or The Departed or one of my other favourite movies.

[Allen]

I can't do good will hunting cause it has to be age appropriate. I'm 16, but I can maybe pull of something as old as 18

Will Hunting wasn't very old, stupid.

[BlackHood]

Yeah he was about 19 wasnt he?

[Allen]

20 for most of the movie, I think. Because it ends with them giving him the car for his 21st birthday.

[Fluzz]

That's still 4 years older, stupid.

Closing until next week.