Some little-known facts about me

[Ox]

1) I invented the Polish language.

2) I can hear your thoughts.

3) I am 17% mechanical.

4) I can taste music.

5) I was offered the position of Pope in 1978, but had to turn it down so I could focus my attention on inventing the Sony Walkman.

6) I shot Kurt Cobain - he owed me $7.50 for a used cardigan.

7) I am in the Guiness Book of World Records as the Tallest Midget in Great Britain.

8) I was the first person to come up with the concept of "being".

9) I can only be killed during an eclipse.

10) On the 16th of January this year, I successfully crash-landed a passenger jet in the Hudson river in New York City. Every passenger survived.

[BreakTheWalls]

Welcome back, bro. I had to check the date just to see it wasn't some jackass bumping an old Ox thread.

[Ox]

THIS IS HOW BORED I AM RIGHT NOW. THIS IS WHAT I HAVE RESORTED TO! CAAAAPSSS LOOOOCK!!!

11) I sweat only through my tongue and the pads on my feet.

[BmphP]

http://www.vr-rs.com/forums/style_emoticons/default/3D_NG_(25).png

[Jeftris]

No #12?

[HappyPalooza]

Hmmmmmyyyeeess... intriguing. :mmyes:

[Benjaman]

1.) I am six feet, three inches tall. For some reason, I bring this up in conversation quite a bit, even when it’s not called for and nobody asks or cares. Also my height varies up to an inch and a half depending on time of day. Scientists are baffled.

2.) I can’t bowl a 300 game. But one time I bowled a 278, and the printers were broken, so I couldn’t get a record of my score. Three people witnessed it, though. By sheer coincidence, all three of them committed suicide over the course of the next five years.

3.) I can drink 24 beers without vomiting, but if I smoke a one-hitter and then drink even a single beer, I’ll puke. Obviously I have German blood.

4.) When I was five or six years old, my grandmother used to tell me that I have a “black ass.” To this day, I have no idea what that means. Yet, I agree with her.

5.) I can’t make out a single constellation, even when they’re pointed out to me. They all look like dongs to me.

6.) There’s an urban myth that says men think about sex once every seven seconds. I know it’s wrong because I think about sex at least twice that much. You’re going to say that’s not possible but keep in mind the thoughts often overlap. I’m just calculating the average here.

7.) For the longest time, I didn’t believe it was possible to light a fart. The night after I was proven wrong, I made $104 at a bar by performing it for drunks. It all depends on what you eat earlier in the day.

8.) http://johndiesattheend.com/new/photos/46update5.jpg

9.) In the ninth grade, the guys in the locker room nicknamed me “Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts.” My name isn’t Jake or Roberts. And I don’t own a snake. Well, not back then. I think it’s because I would sometimes DDT dudes in the hallway.

10.) One time at a party, I offered a guy twenty dollars to eat my lighter. He almost died from choking on it, and I took my money back because technically, he didn’t swallow it.

11.) That same night, he offered me twenty dollars to eat his lighter. The same thing happened. I don’t think it’s possible to eat a lighter.

12.) I have a large collection of Lego men, and I always throw away the torsos and heads so I can make a tower of legs. The one I have right now is seven feet four inches tall and two and a half feet in diameter.

13.) For one week in the summer of 1997, I couldn’t speak because I freestyle rapped so hard, I threw out my whole voice box. Half of the fifth grade dance in which I was performing cried.

14.) I have never watched the movie Titanic because I’m afraid of bands that play on boats.

15.) I lost my virginity to three women at once. I held a competition to see who would take it, and they tied.

16.) One night after a party, I shit out my girlfriend’s class ring. Thing is, I don’t know if I swallowed it or put it in my ass. I’m going to just imagine that I ate it.

17.) I don’t believe in apples. Never have. Never will.

18.) I don’t buy Milwaukee’s Best because it’s cheap. I actually like the taste. It’s just an added bonus that it happens to be cheap. But even if I didn’t like the taste, I’d still buy it because that shit is cheap as hell.

19.) I’ve never eaten a dog, but I agree with it.

20.) I was never into crystal meth, but one time I did it for three days straight so I could beat Final Fantasy 3 in one sitting.

21.) If I’m eating anywhere near a vegetarian, every time I take a bite of meat, I’ll make the animal sound that matches my dinner. This is the number one reason why I don’t eat seafood around my friends. Fish don’t scream.

22.) I first started playing guitar so I could get laid. But after a while, it was so I could hit dudes with a guitar.

23.) When I was 19, Wong helped me stage my death because I couldn’t bring myself to break up with my girlfriend. I think she believed it because we did it right in front of her, and Dave had his cousin drive me off in the county ambulance.

24.) I saw that girl at a party three years later and told her that I was John’s twin brother. Wong then helped me fake a heart attack which ended with him saying to her, “Why do you hate John and his family so much? Murder is never the answer.”

25.) I have saved the world seven times, three of which were intentional. And none of you have known any different.

[Desssert]

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[Casalen]

You, sir, are a liar and charlatan. I for one will not stand for it.

[Metalhead636]

:g2sf:

[WoeGuy]

:hellnaw:

[Ox]

This thread has been successfully opened. Click here if your browser does not automatically redirect you.

[Tyler_Legrand]

I is the ninth letter in the alphabet.

[Tweek]

Which 17% of you is mechanical?

[DieHard]

This thread has been successfully opened. Click here if your browser does not automatically redirect you.

Ox this is a naughty thing that you have done.

[BlackHood]

Why do I get the feeling that Ox is also the Stig?

[LaughBoo]

Because he's not.

[SlothMan]

Ox are you the highlander?

[Assassin]

buttox

[SlothMan]

it's getting kind of embarasing being an 06er and not even having a custom title.

[Septem]

Who waaaaaants to liiiiiive foreveeeer?

[Pieman]

it's getting kind of embarasing being an 06er and not even having a custom title.

At least you got a crown.

[SlothMan]

I'm like the king of a nation of flailing retards.

I guess I'm still doing better than Queen Elizabeth II.

[Metalhead636]

I'm like the king of a nation of flailing retards.

I guess I'm still doing better than Queen Elizabeth II.

:hf:
HEYO!

[SlothMan]

Quiet, you.

[opn4bzns]

I'm like the king of a nation of flailing retards.


I didn't know you were Barack Obama. :smug:

[Heksen]

I believe in ANARCHY!

[MistyTehMoose]

Ox oh god I love you please love me back I need you

it's getting kind of embarasing being an 06er and not even having a custom title.

I don't have my elite user title anymore, noone will know I'm special ;_;

[SlothMan]

Nonsense, Misty. You are clearly a special person.

[Mr. Crow]

All the cool people are from 06. :cool:

[MistyTehMoose]

Nonsense, Misty. You are clearly a special person.

Aww you sure know how to make a gal feel good about herself :3

[Mobius]

it's getting kind of embarasing being an 06er and not even having a custom title.

Fuck.

[Quadros]

Hey Ox found my secret blog.

[DieHard]

All the cool people are from 06. :cool:

Yeah man us '06ers are so awesome

[Ox]

12) I joined the Explosm forums before Matt, Kris, Rob and Dave.

[bunglejunny]

yeah

[Ox]

13) I invented the lie.

[HappyPalooza]

You've come back at a dark time in the forum Ox.

[Ox]

That implies there was a time when the forums weren't shit.

[Quadros]

No it implies that the shit is now blocking out the sun.

[Ox]

14) I am the forum equivalent of a dung beetle. Clearing the shit so that the sun can shine once again.

[Tweek]

The forum seems as good/bad as ever to me, if not on a slightly higher note than usual.

[SourChicken]

Can this Scottish white knight save us from the darkness?

Let the journey...
COMMENCE

[Kritza]

Yeah man us '06ers are so awesome

I completely agree. Although I don't post often enough to even be an explosmateer :(

[Ox]

15) I have so few posts on Explosm, I don't even register as a member.

[Fluzz]

Yeah i noticed that one.

[BlackHood]

Your avatar makes you look like the grim reaper bought some aviators on a camping holiday.

[Ox]

If you lived in Scotland, you wouldn't have a tan either, dick :mad:

[Quadros]

Which begs the question; Since you live in Scotland, why the fuck are you wearing sunglasses?

[TomTommerson]

It's clearly a sunny day behind him. He must be somewhere else.

[Quadros]

With that coat on he can only be in Scotland.

[BmphP]

he's an ox

[Ox]

The sun may shine, but it has no warmth. It provides no tan, only blinding light that fools you into thinking that it isn't -10 outside.

[The Muffin Man]

Yes yes, that coat is essential.

I am 07 and I never post, so that does that make me one of the cool kids?

[Raxo]

Hey Ox post some sexy pics of your sexy self in a sexy pose

[Diki]

Hey Ox post some naked pics of yourself

I wholeheartedly endorse this idea.

[Heksen]

But I still believe in ANARCHY!

[Gentleman]

I'd rather him buy us a round of drinks.

[Ziggy St. Valentine]

But I still believe in ANARCHY!

And nobody STILL gives a fuck!

[Frobes]

Oh hey Ox is back. Woohoo or something.

[Hats of!]

14) I am the forum equivalent of a dung beetle. Clearing the shit so that the sun can shine once again.

Doesn't dung beetles eat shit?

[The1Qtip]

I would just like to let everybody know that I was the first person to watch porn on the internet.

[hollywood_maggot]

Then you were the first person to post it too.

You are a champion among men.

[The1Qtip]

Then you were the first person to post it too.

You are a champion among men.
Nah, when God made internet there was already porn on it.

[SlothMan]

The internet is God.

[John Travolta]

fuck this shit.

[BreakTheWalls]

When I saw this thread I instantly remembered the classic cartoon Ox Tales.

PsqTA1KvmBk

[Savaril]

fuck this shit.

Hahehaheh you don't have a custom title and you joined in 05.

[Nemmukat]

You and I, together having so much fun.
Hey Big guy, your number 1!

[JonC]

Yo Oxford welcome back and all that crap. You should have stayed away, this place is full of assholes and what-have-you.

[The1Qtip]

Hahehaheh you don't have a custom title and you joined in 05.
I'm "Somewhat Regular" and I joined in 05. That's somewhat gay.

[BlackHood]

Thats just one step of failure too far.

[Momanmomananam]

'09 people are douches.

[Daedalus007]

I know right?

[Mustache]

Aww come here '09ers, have a hug.

[Momanmomananam]

Aww, thanks. That's exactly what I need right now. *sniffle*

[Kass]

I hear blue cheese is what's harvested from ox's testicles after he hasn't washed them for a few weeks.

[Momanmomananam]

I hear blue cheese is what's harvested from ox's testicles after he hasn't washed them for a few weeks.

What a neat party trick! :clap:

[JonC]

I'm "Somewhat Regular" and I joined in 05. That's somewhat gay.

Please, lets not get on the discussion of post counts. I have one of the higher amounts(or did, I might not anymore, since I dont post like I used to) and I'm one fo the few who has the "posts too much" titles. I'm also one of the sort of few who have been here since 2005 and dont have a real "custom title" or anything of that sort.

So, please don't complain.

[Quadros]

Seriously you type so much and yet you say so little.

[Benjaman]

I've been here since 07 AND I'M NOT EVEN AN ADMIN YET WAHHHH

[rory785]

1) I have 9 penises each one different element of the earth

2) I once ate a panda bear when my plane crashed in arizona (the panda was also my wife)

3) I killed a man because he had the same hair colour as me.

4) I only eat wood and hot pockets.

5) During a game of ultimate frisbee I took the frisbee and killed princess diana with it.

6) I am married to metalhead 636.

7) I have no sense of smell I hear food.

8) My mother was abducted by aliens 9 months before i was born.

10) I dont believe in the number '9'

11) I sent mr ben to the center of the earth where he found out how to make rice in 3 minutes.

[BlackHood]

Rory, I hope you get cancer.

[rory785]

Rory, I hope you get cancer.

That really wasnt funny my grandads dying of cancer.

[BlackHood]

Maybe God missed?

[rory785]

Maybe God missed?

Go fuck yourself.

[cptlol]

He's not really dying of cancer, he's dying to cancer, because he's too much of a pussy to handle it like a real man.

[BreakTheWalls]

Hey guys (insert relative here) is dying of cancer too DON'T MAKE EDGY COMMENTS ABOUT IT YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!!! >:(

[Gilligan]

I've had cancerous cells but they've all died.

[cptlol]

You solved it like a real man, then.

[Cerberus]

1) I have 9 penises each one different element of the earth

2) I once ate a panda bear when my plane crashed in arizona (the panda was also my wife)

3) I killed a man because he had the same hair colour as me.

4) I only eat wood and hot pockets.

5) During a game of ultimate frisbee I took the frisbee and killed princess diana with it.

6) I am married to metalhead 636.

7) I have no sense of smell I hear food.

8) My mother was abducted by aliens 9 months before i was born.

10) I dont believe in the number '9'

11) I sent mr ben to the center of the earth where he found out how to make rice in 3 minutes.

12) Your a huge faggot who isn't funny at all and should go die.

[doowy]

cerberus you are so right rory is a faggot and he shall burn in hell for all eternity for it!

[BlackHood]

Cancer: Sorting the Men from the Boys since 1932

[Laurence]

Cancer's only been around since 1932?

[BlackHood]

No, but people believe in your brand more if you put a date in your slogan :facts:

[rory785]

They should rename this thread 'faggots who have no social lives make edgy jokes about cancer'

[BlackHood]

If it angers/annoys/upsets you then why don't you leave? Then you could cry about your (probably fictional) dying relatives in peace?

[rory785]

If it angers/annoys/upsets you then why don't you leave? Then you could cry about your (probably fictional) dying relatives in peace?

Don't you have a plane to crash?

[Laurence]

Why would you complain about cancer jokes on a forum dedicated to an edginess-obsessed webcomic? Oh, the irony.

[rory785]

Why would you complain about cancer jokes on a forum dedicated to an edginess-obsessed webcomic? Oh, the irony.

No its not that its just that blackhoods being a cunt. Can we all stop this we are ruining ox's thread.

[Cerberus]

No your ruining it.

[BlackHood]

(1) If you insist on posting like a retarded 5 year old, then expect to be called out. You're posts show the mentality of a 12 year old, so either post something worth reading or just don't bother.

(2) I'm only being a cunt in response to issue (1), there are hundreds of people on this forum to whom I am incredibly nice.

(3) I believe you are not only learning something about Me, but also yourself and the other members of this forum through this little escapade. Grow up, Man up or Fuck off.

[BreakTheWalls]

No its not that its just that blackhoods being a cunt. Can we all stop this we are ruining ox's thread.

Not like he'd care. He's probably fucked off once again.

[MrChrisso]

That really wasnt funny my grandads dying of cancer.

i am glad ur grndpa is :lol:deding of cancerous becas yu aren :gj:tnot funny:thup:n an i hope yu ded of cancerous

:shot:

[rory785]

Can everyone shut the fuck up, Im 13 years old and the rest of you are like 20+ so either grow a pair of balls Or go fuck off and complain in game and surveys.

[Quadros]

I think I'm going to call you 'cancer boy' from now on and hope your Grandad's disease is hereditary.

[BlackHood]

Quadros, I think between us that the second one in a week we've culled.

[slaywithgardentools]

Why are you guys being so fucking mean to him?

[Tweek]

Mean?
The internet has ruined the reputation of many a young faggot amongst his friends, family and assorted school chums. It has driven people to suicide.

If you think, 'ha you're grandad has cancer' is mean, then you can think again.

[slaywithgardentools]

Yeah but your still being a bit tight. Cyanide and happiness had to remove a comic about cancer.

[BlackHood]

Not to mention the fact that anyone stupid enough to expect sympathy mere days after someone else did exactly the same thing and was abused, needs so sense knocking into them.

[Tweek]

Since when?

[Diki]

Why are you guys being so fucking mean to him?

Why the fuck are you so sensitive? Who cares about some kid's feeeeelings if they're dumb enough to whine about their grandpa having cancer on explosm

[BlackHood]

You mean the last person to leave because he was being abused? That guy whose friend "died in a freak accident" and we weren't allowed to laugh at "freak accidents".

Learn from others mistakes.

[Tweek]

oh no I meant since when was a comic taken down since it was about cancer.

[slaywithgardentools]

oh no I meant since when was a comic taken down since it was about cancer.

That one thats blurred over.

[BlackHood]

Links or Lies. Not that it matters. The guy was stupid enough to post stuff he found sensitive. Don't want people to know this stuff, don't talk about it!

He couldn't even get permabanned properly.

[WoeGuy]

One was about voting for C&H in a contest, the other one was a rant about why they were having trouble getting new comics up. No cancer in either.

[Diki]

I don't even know where you got the idea those were removed because of cancer from.

[Heksen]

Rory, don't be such a pussy.
I once get a lot of critique here, and I didn't whine about it. That's why I'm still here. Because I can live with that critique and just ignored it after a while. Whereas people like you that complain about shit like 'my friend has cancer' or 'my uncle died of AIDS' come and go here. You aren't special and it's best to ignore insults instead of saying something sentimental. It will only get you flamed. If you can't handle crude jokes, what are you doing here? Never read the comics? They're full of it.

[BlackHood]

He was shocked, he never thought those stick men were representative of real people!

[Heksen]

He was shocked, he never thought those stick men were representative of real people!

They are. And I hope Rory represents Mr. Jenkins in this comic (http://www.explosm.net/comics/439/).

[BreakTheWalls]

Oh to be 13 again and think that the internet actually gives a shit about my trials and tribulations. :hmm:

[slaywithgardentools]

I am rory. MWAHAHAHAHHAHA. But I am his schizophrenic side.

[Quadros]

Yeah but your still being a bit tight. Cyanide and happiness had to remove a comic about cancer.

Actually that comic was only accessible to people who voted for C&H in an on-line web comic competition. Idiot.

[slaywithgardentools]

Dont blame me thats what a friend told me. So kill him. NOW

[Cyan]

(or did, I might not anymore, since I dont post like I used to)

I get the feeling that this is a great thing.

EDIT: And I should probably have checked which page this was on.

[Septem]

CCA 80 million people have cancer at this moment, which means over 0.013 percent of the planet's population. Another statistic is that 6,2 is the most common number of grandchildren one has. there are 51350 registered Explosm Users, with the statistics of the whole Earth's population, we get that about 120 more people should have a grandparent with cancer, so about 50 with a grandpa. So stop whining, you're not the only one.

Statistics suck.

[Shrimps]

I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

[AnOddRant]

I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.

With cancer?

[slaywithgardentools]

What is this freak accident that someones friend died of.

[Mr. Wink]

That really wasnt funny my grandads dying of cancer.

1) I gave your grandad cancer
2) After I raped him
3) I'm edgy as fuck
4):smug:

[Heksen]

What is this freak accident that someones friend died of.

Don't act like you don't know.

[JonC]

You fucking cocksuckers still haven't changed a bit. Honestly.

[Jeftris]

No we have not

[BlackHood]

You been here 4 years, you really thought we would change?