Iron Bells

[The_Solipsist]

One day, three drops of rain
Hit faintly on her step
Each with a different hue
From many not-so-certain
Alibies of winded dogs

Her loom taps in sequence
Ceremonious, shy keys
Fields far from
Mirrored shores
Feel somewhat mispoken

Red thread gather
In staggered lines
Wait for more




This may be too abstract, but I don't care too much. It felt right as I was writing it. Anyways, critique away.

[Savaril]

..what does it mean?

[Quadros]

One day, three drops of rain
Hit faintly on her step
Each with a different hue
From many not-so-certain
Alibies of winded dogs

Her loom taps in sequence
Ceremonious, shy keys
Fields far from
Mirrored shores
Feel somewhat mispoken

Red thread gather
In staggered lines
Wait for more




This may be too abstract, but I don't care too much. It felt right as I was writing it. Anyways, critique away.
Crosses the line between Abstract and random gibberish. It makes no sense, not even to you.

[The_Solipsist]

Thanks, Quadros. I'm revising it, I still want to keep the premise.

[OoooF4LiFe]

Perhaps if you formatted the words to make them look like bells.

[The_Solipsist]

Well, I was trying to mix in a vision of her walking and using a loom.

[Savaril]

I still don't know what the fuck it's supposed to mean, or what it has to do with bells.