Awesome People - Page 3

BmphP · 10-16-2009, 4:48 PM

Teddy Roosevelt, Franklin D. Roosevelt, George Washington, Ben Franklin, Tom Jefferson, Abe Lincoln, and Clint Eastwood.

HappyPalooza · 10-16-2009, 5:17 PM

My vote for most awesome person: My motherfuckin' grampa.

You see Gran Torino? It's unanimous among my family that that's our gramps (Except a billion times more racist).

First off, the guy has zero fear of animals. During war training, a snake -easily seven feet judging by the picture- starts trailing him through the jungle as he's carrying a huge tentpole to camp. Not batting an eyelash, he turns around and smashes in the snake's head with the tentpole, obviously killing it instantly. He owned a farm, too. So he had been attacked by both a rooster and goose, which doesn't sound like a big deal at first, but the way he handled the bitches was sweet. The rooster attempts pecking his eyes out, so what does he do? Run off? Kick it? Swat at it? Nope. He fucking PUNCHES it in the face and knocks it out. According to him, that was the last time the rooster tried anything with him. Then when the goose attacked him, he choked the nigga out until it "fell asleep."

My father lived in kind of a mediocre neighborhood where things were nice, but there were ridiculous robberies and beatings all around town. My gramps owned a glassware shop where I guess he did stuff to glass - probably punch it - and a guy ran into the place and started taking change out of the register while my gramps was in the back. Little did the retard know that my gramps only kept change in the register, not the bills, which he kept in a safe or something in the back, so the retard takes off, my gramps chasing him with a mallet he took off a table. He chased him down that street, bashing him in the back with the mallet, every time change falling out of his pockets, until he got it all back.

My gramps comes to his car one evening and finds some young man stealing the radio, my gramps starts pulling him out, so he kicks my gramps in the face, leaving a sneaker imprint. Big mistake. This particular retard only took one punch in the head to get knocked out. He was concerned he killed the retard, these suspicions further exacerbated when "this black lady" runs out her car screaming "OH MAH GAWD, YOU KILLED HIM! YOU FUCKIN' KILLED HIM!" Cops show up, take the retard away. My gramps called the station asking if he was indeed dead, the cop's only reply being
"Did you get your satisfaction?"
"Yes."
"Then don't worry about it."

I mean I got a million of 'em. How he smashed my dad and uncles' only TV because they were up slightly later watching it one night, how when we were 14 or so, my cousins and I got some lessons on how to kill people -crackin' ribs, poking out eyes effectively, breaking ankles in one easy step- all that good stuff, how he showed us his portable shovel that he ribbed so he could both chop into motherfuckers who got out of line, then "clean the mess up later." Good God, you just don't fuck with the guy.

Ragnak · 10-16-2009, 5:57 PM

Dr. René Favaloro

Veagan · 10-17-2009, 1:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyPalooza

My vote for most awesome person: My motherfuckin' grampa.

You see Gran Torino? It's unanimous among my family that that's our gramps (Except a billion times more racist).

I am calling ~bull~ sir.

Chocoholic · 10-17-2009, 4:53 PM

I don't know. I know a guy who had a Nazi grandpa.

Jadoth · 10-17-2009, 5:18 PM

My best friend has a Nazi grandpa. He's fucking hilarious. A tad racially intollerant, however.

J3553rocks · 10-17-2009, 10:42 PM

My personal favorite:

He's the best.

HappyPalooza · 10-17-2009, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Veagan

I am calling ~bull~ sir.

No, you've got no idea. That's him. That part where he hears the ruckus in the garage and pulls out the gun, that shit happened. 'cept the guy was gone when he got there, se he just sat on the couch all night in case he decided to come back.

edit: unless you misinterpreted my post to mean that my gramps is more racist than Clint Eastwood in that movie, in which case I meant it the other way around, my gramps is generally tolerant. I think he voted for Obama.

Dodger · 10-17-2009, 11:26 PM

tell more stories about him

HappyPalooza · 10-17-2009, 11:35 PM

Once he was closin' up shop and he saw "a group of these black fellas" comin' toward the store. Three or so stopped at the door while just one stepped ahead and came to the counter, face to face with my grampa. He didn't let him get a word out, just clonked the black guy between the eyes with a hammer he had ready. The black guy's friends swarmed in, but a cop across the street ran over and took them away. The cop noted, "Don't worry, you did the right thing." Upon telling us this story, he laughed, "I mean technically it was the wrong thing to do, but still! Hahaha"

Alright maybe he's a little racist, but nevertheless pretty awesome.

Dodger · 10-17-2009, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyPalooza

Once he was closin' up shop and he saw "a group of these black fellas" comin' toward the store. Three or so stopped at the door while just one stepped ahead and came to the counter, face to face with my grampa. He didn't let him get a word out, just clonked the black guy between the eyes with a hammer he had ready. The black guy's friends swarmed in, but a cop across the street ran over and took them away. The cop noted, "Don't worry, you did the right thing." Upon telling us this story, he laughed, "I mean technically it was the wrong thing to do, but still! Hahaha"

Alright maybe he's a little racist, but nevertheless pretty awesome.

Ahahaha, I want to meet your grandpa.

HappyPalooza · 10-17-2009, 11:44 PM

My cousin used to have this skinny, greasy ass boyfriend know-it-all who was a floor manager or something at a grocery store who was enamored with these stories, told on one Christmas Eve mind you, and attempted to impress him by demonstrating how he stopped a drunk in the store from potentially doing something dangerous by grabbing my grampa's arm. The whole room just went dead silent. He goes, "And when I have you like this, you can't do anything! I have control!" Then my grampa goes, "Are you kiddin' me? I could have you dead on the floor in two seconds!" Then the boyfriend goes, "no! 'cuz I got your arm and-"

"YOU WANNA TRY IT RIGHT NOW?"

Ahahaha, a shame he didn't.

Ragnak · 10-18-2009, 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyPalooza

My cousin used to have this skinny, greasy ass boyfriend know-it-all who was a floor manager or something at a grocery store who was enamored with these stories, told on one Christmas Eve mind you, and attempted to impress him by demonstrating how he stopped a drunk in the store from potentially doing something dangerous by grabbing my grampa's arm. The whole room just went dead silent. He goes, "And when I have you like this, you can't do anything! I have control!" Then my grampa goes, "Are you kiddin' me? I could have you dead on the floor in two seconds!" Then the boyfriend goes, "no! 'cuz I got your arm and-"

"YOU WANNA TRY IT RIGHT NOW?"

Ahahaha, a shame he didn't.

I'm gonna change my boxers.

Shit, man, I wouldn't like to get in the way of your grandfather.

Veagan · 10-18-2009, 1:48 AM

I change my mind in fear of getting killed by your grandfather.

More stories!!

J3553rocks · 10-18-2009, 1:58 PM

Cool it with your grandpa. Tell some stories of your grandma.

BreannaIsabel · 10-18-2009, 4:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyPalooza

My cousin used to have this skinny, greasy ass boyfriend know-it-all who was a floor manager or something at a grocery store who was enamored with these stories, told on one Christmas Eve mind you, and attempted to impress him by demonstrating how he stopped a drunk in the store from potentially doing something dangerous by grabbing my grampa's arm. The whole room just went dead silent. He goes, "And when I have you like this, you can't do anything! I have control!" Then my grampa goes, "Are you kiddin' me? I could have you dead on the floor in two seconds!" Then the boyfriend goes, "no! 'cuz I got your arm and-"

"YOU WANNA TRY IT RIGHT NOW?"

Ahahaha, a shame he didn't.

Lmao. Thats a pretty awesome grandpa. I have have a great-grandpa who grew up during the depression and ran with Jessie James. I know after saying this a dozen people are going to be all "Fuck that!" but there is a 95% chance that its true. My grandfather has a set of ivory dice with diamonds for the numbers that were his dads. He said that his dad held up a train with a gun just to get home.

HappyPalooza · 10-18-2009, 6:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J3553rocks

Cool it with your grandpa. Tell some stories of your grandma.

My gramma is the quiet type, almost like a 50s-ish housewife who is nice and kind and bakes cookies and all. But every once in a while back in the day, she- along with my grandpa's sister- would be the only one brave enough to go toe to toe with him. She'd snap after he came back from an evening of drinking or what have you- hurling china, glassware, silverware at him screaming and swearing like a demon. "Horseshit" seems to be her favorite. Though I have only heard her swear once or twice, others' reports confirm this. Apparently one night, my grandpa was napping on the couch and my grandma walked over calmly and just smashed a plate on his head.

J3553rocks · 10-18-2009, 8:17 PM

You're a good story-teller.

javaD · 10-21-2009, 5:19 PM

John motherfucking Holmes.

Can you believe he had the biggest dick in Porn industry?

Veteran porn actress Dorothea "Seka" Patton has stated that Holmes' penis was the biggest in the industry. Holmes' first wife recalled him claiming to be 10 inches (25.4 cm) when he first measured himself. Holmes himself once claimed his penis to be fifteen inches (38.1 cm) long. Holmes' longtime manager, Bill Amerson, said that "I saw John measure himself several times, it was 13 and a half inches" (34.3 cm). A review of Holmes' films over the course of his career shows that most of his early co-stars tended to be short and slender, whereas women with whom he engaged in onscreen sex later in his career were much taller and had proportionately larger bodies; as a result, the size of Holmes' penis appears to fluctuate in his films, relative to the height and mass of his co-stars.

LandMarkMoon · 10-21-2009, 9:36 PM

Seems like you love his cock more than anything.

javaD · 10-21-2009, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LandMarkMoon

Seems like you love his cock more than anything.

Well, He was mostly famous for that.

The_Solipsist · 10-21-2009, 11:36 PM

He had to have horrid ED later in life. I don't imagine keeping that thing up in any sense of the word would be very easy.

Rawrfulness · 10-26-2009, 2:08 PM

If you're awesome, and Chuck Norris is awesome, Chuck Norris is more awesome.

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Akon · 10-26-2009, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rawrfulness

If you're awesome, and Chuck Norris is awesome, Chuck Norris is more awesome.

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dayum you get b& alot

anyway i don't really know that many cool people

Edit:what about Harry potter

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LandMarkMoon · 10-26-2009, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Solipsist

He had to have horrid ED later in life. I don't imagine keeping that thing up in any sense of the word would be very easy.

He'd probably black out every time he had a boner because all the blood in his brain would drain to keep that think erect.

Ocellatus · 10-27-2009, 7:46 AM

That, and his wife would get pretty uncomfortable in bed.

Souldrinker · 10-28-2009, 4:17 AM

I second Putin and Ned Kelly.

My own contribution is John Glenn. Went back in to space at the age of 77. That's some tough shit right there.

Iiyama · 10-29-2009, 2:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rawrfulness

If you're awesome, and Chuck Norris is awesome, Chuck Norris is more awesome.

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I hate you on a whole other level now.

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HappyPalooza · 10-31-2009, 4:40 PM

Just found out my grandfather once ripped a phonebook in half. Not surprised in the slightest.

occultculture · 10-31-2009, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HappyPalooza

Just found out my grandfather once ripped a phonebook in half. Not surprised in the slightest.

My grandpa can sleep with his eyes open.
To this day, I have no idea how he does that.
To see this act, is simply awesome.

Quaraezha · 11-01-2009, 1:40 AM

All of us are awesome..
It's just that... some are awesomer..
so who's the awesomest?

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Jadoth · 11-01-2009, 2:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by occultculture

My grandpa can sleep with his eyes open.
To this day, I have no idea how he does that.
To see this act, is simply awesome.

Is he sleeping every time you go to see him? Are you sure he's not dead?

My friend once fell down the stairs and then ended up doing a backflip off of the stairs in mid-falling and landed on his feet. He's awesome in my eyes.

LandMarkMoon · 11-01-2009, 2:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jadoth

Is he sleeping every time you go to see him? Are you sure he's not dead?

My friend once fell down the stairs and then ended up doing a backflip off of the stairs in mid-falling and landed on his feet. He's awesome in my eyes.

Are you sure he's not Jesus?

occultculture · 11-01-2009, 2:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jadoth

Is he sleeping every time you go to see him? Are you sure he's not dead?

No, he just naps a lot. I found out he did this when I went into his room to steal some candy. I thought he was watching me, but he wasn't.

Goon · 11-01-2009, 2:40 PM

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

LandMarkMoon · 11-01-2009, 2:42 PM

I'd rather die than see another rerun.

HappyPalooza · 11-01-2009, 3:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by occultculture

My grandpa can sleep with his eyes open.
To this day, I have no idea how he does that.
To see this act, is simply awesome.

That's bitchin.

J3553rocks · 11-01-2009, 7:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by occultculture

No, he just naps a lot. I found out he did this when I went into his room to steal some candy. I thought he was watching me, but he wasn't.

And how old were you when you were "stealing" this alleged "candy"?

Ocellatus · 11-02-2009, 3:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Souldrinker

I second Putin and Ned Kelly.

My own contribution is John Glenn. Went back in to space at the age of 77. That's some tough shit right there.

Souldrinker, holy shit! Who else is more appropriate for this thread?

occultculture · 11-02-2009, 4:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J3553rocks

And how old were you when you were "stealing" this alleged "candy"?

Like, twelve.
That's completely unrelated.