Birth

Killer Carebear · 09-08-2007, 9:28 PM

Goddamn. Out of that blasted vagina. Oh, you think I should’ve enjoyed it? I’m a few motherfucking minutes old. I haven’t even come close to developing traces of sexuali—It’s my mother you sick fuck!

She looks like a fatass around the age of 50. My first steps are going to be right out her fucking house.

It’s still attached to me. You wonder what? I have no fucking clue, that’s what! I’ve learned to just call it, “The Tube.” I don’t know what it does, but it’s the only thing attaching me to that meat bag I’ll have to call my mother. Wha—who’s that? White suit, gloves… A doctor? Is my life some sort of cliché joke? He looks like he’s out to murder me. Gloves, mask, scissors—he’s got ‘em all.

I’m free now. Release me from that wildebeest… Cut that tube… Oh yes… Oh yes! Oh, shut up. A fetish? No sexuality, remember. Freak.

What are you doing? OUTIE?!?!?!?! I’M NOT GOING TO WALK AROUND FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH A FUCKING PENIS ON MY STOMACH! It’s not worth living anymore. I just give up.

Where am I? Oh. I fell asleep that fast. Hm. The first thing to do would be to scan my surroundings. Ooooo. Look at that babe. I think I just developed sexuality.

You from around here?

--Wahhhh! WAAAH!!

A’ight. That’s pretty chill. Can I buy you a drink?
…You just wet yourself.

Nurse: Can I get you some nice milk?

Hot damn, you can! Nice rack.

--WAAAH!!

Nurse: You want some too? Drink up!

Lesbian action? Right in front of me? Man, if that babe pissed herself when I offered her a drink, I can’t even imagine what she’ll do after this. I can brag about it to all my friends when I get to middle school!
...A bottle? What is this? No breastfeeding? Fuck.

Oh, no. Not the obese meat-bag again.

“Time to go home!”

Damn it.

“…And look what I got from the baby shower. It’s the newest innovation in breast feeding!”

Fuck times two.

Relaps · 09-08-2007, 9:38 PM

What?

Shagg · 09-08-2007, 9:41 PM

I think I'm gonna have nightmares.

Vortex · 09-08-2007, 9:46 PM

I don't get that.

I'm serious

Very dramatic though. Nicely done, if that's what you were aiming for.

Killer Carebear · 09-08-2007, 9:47 PM

In that case, crap.

zombielovejuice · 09-08-2007, 9:51 PM

I feel scared, confused, and I think I wet myself.

BUT I LOVED IT!!

Vortex · 09-08-2007, 10:42 PM

KC, you weren't going for dramatic? If you were saying crap to me not getting it, thats just me I think. So I wouldn't worry about that.

Killer Carebear · 09-08-2007, 10:44 PM

I don't think anyone else understood the humor, except a couple of my friends.
The theme is supposed to be a kind of a superstitious newborn rebel I don't know if those spoiler tags were necessary, but whatever. Just so you can understand the theme.

Vortex · 09-08-2007, 10:49 PM

Oh, in that case I definitely didn't get it on my own. Perhaps it was one of those "guess you had to be there" pieces? Or I just got it all wrong because its 4.48am. One or the other.

Killer Carebear · 09-08-2007, 10:52 PM

And also, the baby's perverted/talks to the audience, and talks to himself. But I thought you could tell all the stuff I'm saying from the text. Ah well.

Sniper_Wolf · 09-09-2007, 10:16 AM

I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Shmuh · 09-09-2007, 8:20 PM

I didn't get it, but that's what made it funny.

acci_dent · 09-10-2007, 2:33 AM

I got a little confused around the end there, but otherwise... interesting. I miss my stomach penis too.